BARELY'S CUP FALLETH OVER

Opening game of season ends in fiasco after penalty panto.

BARELY 2 SWIFT FC 2
Swift FC win on penalties AET.

Line up: Has been lost in the mists of time. Considering the end to this game, that's no bad thing.

Barely's first game of the season was a cup tie and they took to the field speculating that perhaps their name was on the cup this year. Two hours later they were holding the wooden spoon, standing in the corner and facing the wall.

This report has been written retroactively so exact details are hazy and facts may be as wayward as a Barely penalty. But we do know that thanks to Rich Cormack and Jim Fry (from 30 yards according to Jim ) Barely surged into a 2-1 lead by half-time, although the team were under no illusions about how they were playing, which was mediocre at best. Dave Williams tried to grab the team by the scruff of the neck with a few choice verbals but unfortunately his well-intentioned 'stick and stick' approach didn't have the desired effect. Barely were clearly more of a 'carrot and backrub' team.

The second half was pretty much a rearguard action by Barely and they were grateful for Steve's heroics in goal when saved a penalty to keep the team in it at 2-2. Somehow they survived 30 minutes of extra time and, to the outrage of the groundsman, settled down for a penalty shootout to see who would go through to the next round.

Sam set the tone when Barely's first penalty was at what they call 'a decent height for the keeper' - ie about the length of his arms from his body. When Jim and Rich missed the goal entirely Swift had a 2-0 shootout lead and a penalty in hand. Up stepped man-of-the-match Steve to save three pennos in succession - whilst Jerry and Dave dragged Barely back into it with their spotkicks despatched with aplomb. But moving into sudden death at two-all, Barely laid on a display of such ineptitude that spectators turned away in embarrassment - Andy, Ioan, and someone else (Who? For some reason no-one is coming forward on this) all managed to smack the ball high over the bar whilst only Tom and Nick scored again for Barely.

That the shootout went as long as it did is entirely the responsibility of Steve, who kept prolonging the humilation by saving the Swift penalties. What he was playing at we'll never know.

By the time nine penalties had been missed of saved Swift FC staggered from the wreckage with a victory that they probably didn't boast about when they got home, but they nonetheless deserved. Barely were out of the cup at the first attempt, and would have to 'concentrate on the league'. As they say.

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Any errors in this report are entirely trivial when you look at the bigger picture.