Past it

Pass Masters 4-0 Barely Athletic

Goal: Pete

Defence: Colin, Batts, Al, Chris

Midfield: Craig, Paul L, Jacko, Sam

Attack: Adam, John

Sub: Mike


It's like a footballing purgatory - another fixture, another defeat, as Barelys struggle to maintain a flimsy veneer of 'squad football' continues. It was another trawl across Bristol for willing volunteers to make up numbers yet again, as injury absentees Jim, Ian, and Scott were joined by an ill Richie, and Danny made the trip to Liverpool to watch his beloved reds wallop Spurs.

Sadly his beloved orange and blacks, meanwhile, were being handed a lesson in chance-taking. Batts counted 14 efforts on goal for Barely in the first half, yet they came into the break 2-0 down, as the clinical finish of the Pass Masters forward was added to by a rather harsh penalty - Batts again the alleged perpetrator, but he clearly got the ball and nobody had seen a pen except the ref. Pete - who was arguably Barely's best player on the day - got a hand to the spot-kick but it had the power to deflect into the net.

With a goalkeeper between the sticks it looked hopeful, but missing Richie's incision and Jim Siemen's finishing, Barely created half-chances in the main, generated by the industry of Adam and John up front. They did get the ball in the net - Sam heading home Jacko's cross from the right - but it was disallowed for offside. A shame, as Jacko being the furthest man forward and Sam winning a header are two things that only come around once every few years - having them coincide was like a lunar eclipse.

Craig was feeling an injury at half-time so Mike came on in his stead. And, as the first half had been, there was a sense of to and fro to the game in that both teams had their moments, but neither could make much of them. Home and away goalkeepers excelled and frustrated the attacks. Halfway through the second half Jacko rejigged the team, with Mike going between the sticks to give the energetic Pete a run-out. However although Pete had an impact outfield, Barely missed his athleticism in goal, where Mike was beaten twice in quick succession. Mike's willingness to don the gloves is admirable, but perhaps Barely should be volunteering somebody who doesn't admit in the post-mortem that they "can't bend".

Barely knocked at the door but in fairness the legs were slowing and the footballing pendulum that had begun looping from one end of the pitch to another was swinging slower, and more centrally, as the seconds ticked away under the hot sun. And the whistle went on another hiding.

Barely have gotten out of a similar situation before of course, but at the moment they just don't seem to have any momentum, and getting anything from this season looks like a big task.

There was no man of the match award but all the "guests" - Pete, Al, Chris and John - made a good impression and would have been in the running. Maybe there's something in Adam's suggestion of replacing the entire team after all...

if it looks like a defeat, and it smells like a defeat

AXA 3-2 Barely Athletic

Goal: New Colin

Defence: Scott, Nigel, Batts

Midfield: Chris, Richie, Jacko, Paul L, Sam

Attack: Adam, John

Subs: Mike, Colin, Jim


... it's a defeat.

But it could have been oh so different.

After a series of cancelled matches due to Barely being unable to muster a team, Colin's plaintive round-robin email about the club's very existence must have struck the odd nerve, or tugged on a heartstring, as suddenly the team had assembled a decent-sized squad for a crunch game, away to AXA or whatever they are called these days.

Paul had pulled in centre-back Nigel and goalie Colin, Sam had recruited occasional Barelyite Chris and John had also answered the call. All began the game in an alleged 3-5-2 that in truth was more like 5-3-2, but in either capacity it served the away team well enough. They began unusually alertly - closer to a squirrel awaking from a nap than their usual bear-in-spring opening - and shocked everyone by taking the lead in the opening minutes. Chris Scott careered down the right and centred for John to prod the ball goalwards. The keeper pushed it away only to find both Sam and Adam rushing in with intent - the latter was better placed and steered the ball home to give Barely an unexpected lead.

AXA came knocking on the door, as both teams seemed to reel from the shock. Through-balls were batted away, corners cleared and balls in the fabled channels were wellied into touch. There were at least two goalmouth scrambles farcical enough to merit a few hundred hits on youtube had anyone had the foresight to film the game - sadly they didn't, and missed John bravely blocking a shot with his face.

But Barely rode out the storm and reached the break still 1-0 up, if not exactly bossing the game. Mike made an appearance up front as John made way, and Jim and Colin Smart were told to be ready for when the time came. Midfield dynamo Paul Loftus was due in the cockpit soon and would have to dash off halfway through the second half.

But in the meantime it was back to the action and Barely, perhaps finally believing it could be their day, were doing more in the way of attacking. And one such surge - saw Chris take Richie's through-ball and scamper into the box, only to be unceremoniously upended (this correspondent has yet to see a ceremonial foul, to be honest). With the Holy Grail of a 2-0 lead moments from their grasp, Barely had to hunt for someone willing to take the spot-kick, and found a calm head/glory-seeker in Sam, who steered the ball beyond the keeper's glove and into the net.

Suddenly Barely found their long-misplaced collective mojo, and for the next ten minutes it looked almost certain that if anyone were to score again, it would be Barely. They pressured an AXA back line who suddenly looked distraught, as though they'd been holed up in a fortified basement only to find zombies had broken in.

Paul had to go, and Jim came onto the right wing as Chris moved infield. Chris later blamed himself for the subsequent events, mooting that he was an inadequate replacement for Mr Loftus. But let's face it, no-one can replace Paul. He's a badger.

And Chris' hairshirt can stay in the cupboard either way, as there was a fairly obvious foul on Batts in the lead-up to the first AXA goal that the now-refereeing John - perhaps unsighted, or perhaps feeling the same sense of tragically misplaced invincibility that the team were - let slide. Having pushed Batts aside the attacker then lobbed Colin to give AXA hope, and set a tremble to the Barely legs.

There was no crumbling. Barely tried to continue with what had been working so far - harass, and attack. But maybe the average age difference between the teams began to make itself felt as the minutes ticked toward the 90. Maybe Barely's tiny seed of doubt didn't need much water to grow. Or maybe the planets aligned in an elaborate formation, spelling 'Fuck You' across the sky, because before anyone knew what was happening AXA had won.

First Batts - perhaps subconsciously seeking revenge - hurtled into his earlier assailant in the box. Although he later insisted he got the ball first, nobody contested the penalty, which was dispatched into the bottom corner to make it 2-2. And then, despite Richie and Adam leading a late charge that resulted in a salvo of Barely efforts on goal, there was just time for AXA to run into the box and slot the ball neatly inside the far post for a somewhat fortuitous win. Barely simply cannot buy a result at the moment.

It was a very good game and the team effort was reflected in the voting for Man of The Match with a wide spread of names include perennial favourite Richie, Jacko, Nigel, Paul and Chris, But Adam's commitment to the cause and insatiable appetite for pain (he cartwheeled through the air after a challenge in the first half and came off the field with a black eye)  saw him a convincing and deserved winner. The hastily-rigged award reflected the result - shit.

They're all crunch games now.

nil point