Three points undermined by Mike's refusal to toe the homophobic line:
Pass Masters 3 Barely Athletic 5
Unable to despatch a correspondant to what was something of a make or break game, the Barely Reporter relied on player feedback for this match, a notoriously big ask from a bunch of genius mavericks who have no time for rules, deadlines, or petty trivialities, like letting us know what the line up was for instance.
Nevertheless from various clues we can deduce the following: NIck was in goal, Steve P was also present but nursing various parts of his anatomy after being used as a chair, Tom was there, Rich B was there, and goals came from Lefils (also present) Andy (ditto) Richie C (we assume he must have been there), Tom and Rich B. Rich 'Action' Jackson was also hypothesised to have scored; but the midfield dynamo admitted 'in my dreams'. In which case we must also record several other goals that players have dreamt, making the ethereal score more like 11-6 to Barely. Either way, it amounts to a victory and a well-deserved one having been two-one, and then three-two down during the course of the first half. A man-marking job on the Pass Masters striker by Andy in the second half shackled the danger and freed up Barely to move in for the kill, which they did.
However, post-game the mood turned sour when Mike snubbed a long line of sexually insular footballing tradition and apparently openly embraced the idea of sharing this boisterious-heterosexuals world with 'the other', setting the proverbial cat among the pigeons. Despite the uproar, no-one has been willing to go into detail, though hints have been dropped that crisps were involved. Prawn Cocktail crisps, to be precise. Footballers do have an ability to close ranks when journo's come sniffing around, so we'll just have to wait for several otherwise-banal and drably-titled memoirs to come out when the cast in this particular act finally hang up their boots.
Until then, we have football.
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STOP PRESS
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Breaking news in the Barely Reporter office - apparently Mike's defence of the realm was merely a sub-plot in the Steve-versus-Tom family conflict that broke out post-game. Tom's sexuality was questioned, as was Sam's (not present) who has since said he is flattered, but married and often too tired for that kind of thing anyway.
Monday 26 October 2009
Sunday 4 October 2009
Sun sets in the East for Barely
Barely Athletic 1 Easton Monday 7
Goal: Nick
Defence: Chris, Danny, Ian, Andy
Midfield: Rich, Sam, Tom, Mani
Attack: Colin and Lefils
sub: Steve
This was a game of two halves - in the first Barely were poor, but Easton's goals were a bit flukey. In the second, Barely were middling, but Easton were superlative. It all began rather lamely in Barely's eyes as they spent the opening 20 minutes camped in their own half as Easton's number 8 dictated the play - something he did for much of the game. The home side were missing their ideal equivalents; with Jim, Richie and Jacko all absent Tom and Sam tried to establish some kind of grip on midfield, to little avail. But Barely's attacking success, when it came, came down the flanks with Andy and Mani combining to good effect. Sadly though they were 3-0 by the time Barely woke up - two goals came courtesy of ricochets either in the finish or the build-up, and the third dribbled agonisingly between Nick's hands and legs - a double nutmeg, if you will.
Barely were largely shite at this point, as Lefils was willing to testify in the strongest terms. He and Colin hardly touched the ball the whole first half, and at the break - still 3-0 down - Steve and Rich understandably changed things around. Nick went to right-back and Steve in goal, Sam went to right-wing with Colin dropping back into the centre alongside Rich Batten. Tom pushed up front and Chris ran the line - he had a good half.
Barely improved, but you wouldn't know it in the opening ten minutes as Easton gave them a lesson in football, capitalising on mistakes far up the pitch to swarm forward and finish confidently - one a spectacular diving header. The game lost, all Barely could do was dig their heels in and try and play a bit of football - which they managed, to an increasing extent. Mani might have scored when his shot ploughed into the side netting, but he made amends shortly afterwards when a decent Barely move ended with Lefils heading the ball into his path and Mani swept the ball home with aplomb. Not bad.
However by then - or shortly afterwards, it's all a bit of a blur now to be honest - Easton added a seventh just to really confirm how one-sided this match was in terms of potency. Barely can - just - hold their heads up after an improved second half, but they could do with their absentees back asap.
Man of the Match was Andy - never gave up, and kept Barely's heads up with a series of exhortations.
Goal: Nick
Defence: Chris, Danny, Ian, Andy
Midfield: Rich, Sam, Tom, Mani
Attack: Colin and Lefils
sub: Steve
This was a game of two halves - in the first Barely were poor, but Easton's goals were a bit flukey. In the second, Barely were middling, but Easton were superlative. It all began rather lamely in Barely's eyes as they spent the opening 20 minutes camped in their own half as Easton's number 8 dictated the play - something he did for much of the game. The home side were missing their ideal equivalents; with Jim, Richie and Jacko all absent Tom and Sam tried to establish some kind of grip on midfield, to little avail. But Barely's attacking success, when it came, came down the flanks with Andy and Mani combining to good effect. Sadly though they were 3-0 by the time Barely woke up - two goals came courtesy of ricochets either in the finish or the build-up, and the third dribbled agonisingly between Nick's hands and legs - a double nutmeg, if you will.
Barely were largely shite at this point, as Lefils was willing to testify in the strongest terms. He and Colin hardly touched the ball the whole first half, and at the break - still 3-0 down - Steve and Rich understandably changed things around. Nick went to right-back and Steve in goal, Sam went to right-wing with Colin dropping back into the centre alongside Rich Batten. Tom pushed up front and Chris ran the line - he had a good half.
Barely improved, but you wouldn't know it in the opening ten minutes as Easton gave them a lesson in football, capitalising on mistakes far up the pitch to swarm forward and finish confidently - one a spectacular diving header. The game lost, all Barely could do was dig their heels in and try and play a bit of football - which they managed, to an increasing extent. Mani might have scored when his shot ploughed into the side netting, but he made amends shortly afterwards when a decent Barely move ended with Lefils heading the ball into his path and Mani swept the ball home with aplomb. Not bad.
However by then - or shortly afterwards, it's all a bit of a blur now to be honest - Easton added a seventh just to really confirm how one-sided this match was in terms of potency. Barely can - just - hold their heads up after an improved second half, but they could do with their absentees back asap.
Man of the Match was Andy - never gave up, and kept Barely's heads up with a series of exhortations.
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