Shipham by name...

Shipham FC 1 Barely Athletic 6

Goal: Nick

Defence: Rich B, Tom P, Andy

Midfield: Rich J, Sam, Richie, Mike, Mani

Attack: Ian, Jim

Sub: Colin
Tactical wizardry: Steve P

First things first - Shipham really don't deserve that smart-arsed headline, so apologies. The wordplay (Ustinov would have been proud, eh?) was just too tempting to resist.

So: a new season for Barely Athletic. A new manager. A new formation. Steve's 3-5-2 line-up above caused a ripple of disbelief when he ran though the team before kick-off, and sure enough, like ancient Greek astronomers convinced the sun orbited the Earth only to be told it was the other way around, Barely just weren't ready for the paradigm shift in thinking required to make the conceit stick. Just as the ancient star-gazers thought about Aristarchus' wild hypothesis for ten minutes before saying "Nah", so Barely stuck with the 3-5-2 for a similar period before reverting to the Earth-centric model of the universe - which in this case was 4-4-2, with Ian at the back.

In fairness though, Barely had started well and were unlucky to go behind when Nick's save at the feet of an attacker bounced kindly for another of the Shipham number. 1-0 down and it seemed that perhaps Shipham's idyllic home pitch - surrounded by greenery and rolling hills - would not inspire Barely to great things.

But it did. Minutes after Barely restarted, Rich B sent a looping deep cross to Richie, who rifled in from a narrow angle on the left. Moments later Mike gave the visitors the lead when his narrow shot from the right ricocheted through defenders to put Barely two up. It was Mike who eerily prophesied "more goals" at half time as well. Maybe he should get his own show on cable.

For sure enough the restart was still visible in the rear-view mirror when Jim put Barely 3-1 up, capitalising on some sustained pressure when firing in off the keeper. Steve reshuffled the team with Colin making an appearance at right-back and Mani going off. Ten minutes later Sam turned inside a defender and chipped the keeper from a wide position - which looked like being the goal of the game until that inveterate show-off Tom twatted a free kick into the top corner from 30 yards. 5-1 and Shipham were out of it. Andy's late boot into the net when his initial shot was blocked was the icing on the cake to leave the score at 6-1 and a very well-tempered game wrapped up with Barely getting points on the board. After last season' custard pie salvo in the opening games there was much relief and pride all around.

Shipham played the game in good spirit - and supplied sandwiches afterward! - and the ref deserves a mention for excellent officiating. Man of the Match was Jim for his usual display of phlegmatic shimmering, plus the goal of course. But the Barely Reporter reckons everyone in the team deserves a pat on the back today - a solid, at times silky performance. There will be harder tests, no doubt, but as openers go they don't get much better than this.