Whilst the season trundles on in search of a game like an old woman looking for tinned peaches in a newly-refurbished Waitrose, lurching from aisle to aisle in search of something that remains seemingly unobtainable and possibly no longer stocked anyway, your Barely scribes sit in the office flicking pencils at each other, picking lint from their navels and occasionally making funny sounds with a plastic ruler, desperate for some drama that'll fill those column inches.
Thankfully Jerry Gyde stepped up to the plate last week with some spectacular and nausea-inducing knee-mangling of the unfortunate Lee Douglas. Despite Douglas' insistence that any contact was incidental in the predictable closing-of-ranks that footballers always practise on such occasions, Jerry Gyde's autobiography "It's easy when you're me" (launched on Saturday) spoke otherwise:
"I saw Douglas going up for the header. Bang! I let him have it, going for him in mid-air with the old stud-rake and then using my elbow on his knee to break the fall. No-one tells me to drop deep and defend." Despite Gyde's ghost-writer claiming it was all a misunderstanding, Jerry himself refused to denounce the paragraph in question, sending booksellers all over Bristol scurrying to the bargain bins to drag the book in question back on to the shelves in anticipation of a media frenzy.
Last night Barely co-manager Jim Fry remained diplomatic: "I'm sure Jerry regrets any contact - and any contact there was was unintentional. These things tend to be a storm in a teacup and the fact Lee has to wear a leg brace for six weeks is really nothing more than a private joke between the two men". Fry's grasp of physiology and humour aside, the press will be waiting in packs for the drama to unfold on Douglas' return. Until that happens, however, the staff writers here will be playing a lot more online Boggle and leaving wet teabags on each others chairs.
Wednesday 28 March 2007
Monday 12 March 2007
Hats off to Hird
Russell Athletic 1 Barely Athletic 8
Goal: Lee Douglas
Defence: Andy Lillford, Quentin Alsop, Tom Pinnel, Sam Morrison
Midfield: Rich Cormack, Jim Fry, Rich Sloper, Rich Jackson
Attack: Mani Chanfi, Dan Hird
Ref/Sub: Bob Lynn
Sometimes in the Premiership, managers take advantage of a week off to take their players somewhere hot to sunbathe, relax, bond, and possibly have a fire extinguisher fight and get into trouble with the local constabulary. Barely grasped this idea by the horns, ran with it and, aided by the preciousness of Bristol groundsmen, took to the field four months to the day since their last outing. In the interim they had seen a few birthdays, a curry night, the results of Pop Idol and Celebrity Big Brother, and another Christmas go by. The world had changed.
The tactic worked wonders as the team meshed two debutants, Dan Hird and Rich Jackson, with returning libero Quentin Alsop and relatively-new-boy Rich Sloper to maximum effect.
Both teams were both keen to avoid the notoriety of most-postponed-game in history and agreed to play on Astroturf as a result, though the day was actually dry, giving rise to the meteorological term of ‘ironic weather’. From the off it looked as though the pitch suited Barely, and the freedom they were granted in midfield saw them boss the opening half comprehensively. There was such a flurry of activity that this correspondent’s head begins to hurt at the thought of laying it all out chronologically, but to sum up: Two goals from Dan, whose ability to hold the ball up was as exemplary as his finishing, one own goal scored off Rich Sloper’s cross, one that the keeper, under pressure from Sloper, punched into his own net from Sam’s corner (the dubious goals committee (Rich Jackson) awarded this to Sam in the post-game analysis) and one thumped shot from a tight angle after a Cormack/Morrison build up from another corner - by the ubiquitous Sloper, who seemed to be involved in some way in almost every goal.
At the other end a gushing mention should go out to the partnership of Tom and Quentin at centre-backs, making the loss of Phil and Danny less of a problem than it might have been. A petition must be started immediately for Quentin’s permanent return. Andy Lillford was his usual industrious self, attacking down the left at every opportunity.
In the sticks Lee had little to do and busied himself with a running commentary throughout the game, breaking off only to roll the ball to an attacker early in the first half and catch the resulting shot. So out of breath was he at the break that he volunteered to stay in goal for the second half, where the Lenny Bruce-as-goalkeeper show continued unabated.
As one might expect, Russell regrouped during the break and put on a better showing in the second half, shutting up shop at the back and forcing a goal of their own when Barely managed to lose the ball in a silly position from a goal-kick. Though referee Jim (with Bob now in thunderous-striker mode) blew for a free-kick when Lee’s ball didn’t leave the area, he rightly allowed the evident advantage - and Russell took it.
But this mishap was negated by two cracking moves sweeping the length of the pitch that were finished with aplomb by Tom (woefully out of position by the way) and Bob, who cracked scorchers past the home ‘keeper. Dan Hird topped a debut to remember by forcing the ball over the line with the last kick of the game after Bob’s header had been initially blocked on the line.
It was a tough call for man of the match with so many players having a good day at the office but Dan Hird deservedly shaded it for his dream debut when the vote was cast. Can Barely keep this standard up? If so it’s not impossible they have a shot at finishing in first place. However, a pivotal factor in the championship is playing all your games. At this rate Barely might just squeeze in one more before next season.
A word should go out to the Russell players, who refused to disintegrate into tantrums and showed Barely how to accept a horrid scoreline graciously when their turn inevitably comes.
Goal: Lee Douglas
Defence: Andy Lillford, Quentin Alsop, Tom Pinnel, Sam Morrison
Midfield: Rich Cormack, Jim Fry, Rich Sloper, Rich Jackson
Attack: Mani Chanfi, Dan Hird
Ref/Sub: Bob Lynn
Sometimes in the Premiership, managers take advantage of a week off to take their players somewhere hot to sunbathe, relax, bond, and possibly have a fire extinguisher fight and get into trouble with the local constabulary. Barely grasped this idea by the horns, ran with it and, aided by the preciousness of Bristol groundsmen, took to the field four months to the day since their last outing. In the interim they had seen a few birthdays, a curry night, the results of Pop Idol and Celebrity Big Brother, and another Christmas go by. The world had changed.
The tactic worked wonders as the team meshed two debutants, Dan Hird and Rich Jackson, with returning libero Quentin Alsop and relatively-new-boy Rich Sloper to maximum effect.
Both teams were both keen to avoid the notoriety of most-postponed-game in history and agreed to play on Astroturf as a result, though the day was actually dry, giving rise to the meteorological term of ‘ironic weather’. From the off it looked as though the pitch suited Barely, and the freedom they were granted in midfield saw them boss the opening half comprehensively. There was such a flurry of activity that this correspondent’s head begins to hurt at the thought of laying it all out chronologically, but to sum up: Two goals from Dan, whose ability to hold the ball up was as exemplary as his finishing, one own goal scored off Rich Sloper’s cross, one that the keeper, under pressure from Sloper, punched into his own net from Sam’s corner (the dubious goals committee (Rich Jackson) awarded this to Sam in the post-game analysis) and one thumped shot from a tight angle after a Cormack/Morrison build up from another corner - by the ubiquitous Sloper, who seemed to be involved in some way in almost every goal.
At the other end a gushing mention should go out to the partnership of Tom and Quentin at centre-backs, making the loss of Phil and Danny less of a problem than it might have been. A petition must be started immediately for Quentin’s permanent return. Andy Lillford was his usual industrious self, attacking down the left at every opportunity.
In the sticks Lee had little to do and busied himself with a running commentary throughout the game, breaking off only to roll the ball to an attacker early in the first half and catch the resulting shot. So out of breath was he at the break that he volunteered to stay in goal for the second half, where the Lenny Bruce-as-goalkeeper show continued unabated.
As one might expect, Russell regrouped during the break and put on a better showing in the second half, shutting up shop at the back and forcing a goal of their own when Barely managed to lose the ball in a silly position from a goal-kick. Though referee Jim (with Bob now in thunderous-striker mode) blew for a free-kick when Lee’s ball didn’t leave the area, he rightly allowed the evident advantage - and Russell took it.
But this mishap was negated by two cracking moves sweeping the length of the pitch that were finished with aplomb by Tom (woefully out of position by the way) and Bob, who cracked scorchers past the home ‘keeper. Dan Hird topped a debut to remember by forcing the ball over the line with the last kick of the game after Bob’s header had been initially blocked on the line.
It was a tough call for man of the match with so many players having a good day at the office but Dan Hird deservedly shaded it for his dream debut when the vote was cast. Can Barely keep this standard up? If so it’s not impossible they have a shot at finishing in first place. However, a pivotal factor in the championship is playing all your games. At this rate Barely might just squeeze in one more before next season.
A word should go out to the Russell players, who refused to disintegrate into tantrums and showed Barely how to accept a horrid scoreline graciously when their turn inevitably comes.
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