Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, directed by Abel Ferrera, starring some coked-up scientologists, this was a game that lived up to the billing. It had everything you want in a game, and a couple of the things you don't, but as the crowds dispersed it was clear that this was one of those "where were you when" moments - the Kennedy assassination, the Twin Towers, Peter Beagrie going past the same player 4 times, and Bathelona beating Barely Athletic 6-5.
Goal: Nick
Defence: Colin, Batts, Chris, Jim
Midfield: Sam, Alex, Mike, Andy
Attack: Lefils, Jim S
Sub/Ref: Danny
Before the game new manager (one of 'em) Danny selected the team and sacrificed himself to the bench, not only depriving himself of the first half but also taking the whistle. The back four lined up as above, and they were soon at the centre of proceedings as Bathelona started like a team in form, their pass-and-move ethos putting Barely's huff-and-puff slightly in the shade. And sure enough, the game was in it's infancy when Bathelona found the back of the net, scything through the massed Barely ranks like a cold-hearted killer gunning down fleeing, terrified footballers - before kicking the ball into the net, really hard.
However, if Bathelona thought they had the measure of Barely, they had reckoned without the equally-cold-hearted finishing of Jim and Lefils up front - who were not in the mood to spurn any opportunities, no matter how flimsy they might have appeared to the mere mortals further back in the formation. First, Jim picked his spot from the right to pummel the ball into the net and bring Barely back on level terms: 1:1. And when Nick could only push a low shot into the net and Bathelona went ahead again, Lefils pulled the same trick from the left. 2:2.
Barely began to believe, and the head of steam this old loco can sometimes brew up when the mood takes was beginning to scorch the Bathelona back line. Jim found some space in the middle and side-footed goalwards - saved! No matter. Jim collected the rebound and calmly slotted in, showing a coolness of head most Barely players only achieve when wellying the ball out for a throw-in. Barely were, somewhat astonishingly, 3:2 up. And for the first time Bathelona were rattled; misplacing passes, allowing themselves to be tackled as Sam and Andy pushed on from the wings to augment the forward line and Mike and Alex won everything in midfield. This correspondent remains convinced that had Barely scored again before half-time to go two goals up, the match was theirs.
But who knows? Because neither team was willing to crumble. Danny put himself in goal for the second half as Colin - serial tackle-winner - took the whistle. Nick went right-wing and Sam dropped to right back. The second half began at a lively tempo, but it wasn't quite the classic punch-and-counter-punch of the first. Yet.
Barely were living on their nerves, however, as Bathelona's encroachment neared the goal-line. Danny pulled off a couple of saves, Sam blocked on the line, and they were grateful when a Bathelona attacker spring past Danny only to hit the side-netting. Then finally: the goal.
But it's hard to say exactly how the goal came, as so many followed it. Having broken the Barely dam, Bathelona found it increasingly easy to do so again, and again Barely were grateful for the sublime finishing of Jim and Lefils in attack. Every time Bathelona went in front - 3-4, 4-5 - they found an equaliser as the game became stretched. Tempers were also stretched, as Lefils and his opposite number began a running battle that more and more people became involved in in an attempt to shut them both up. Jim got his hat-trick from a hotly-debated sublime chip/random welly forrward from Chris, who'd moved into midfield.
Bathelona went ahead again when a cut-back from the by-line was converted - however the Barely defence was convinced the ball had gone out - but with no linesman on the left, Colin allowed the goal to stand. Lefils' reply caused a similar debate, as this time the Bathelona defence insisted his finish from the left (in off a defender) had also gone over the line. This time there was a linesman - Bathelona's - but he wasn't keeping up with play and again the goal stood. The match was becoming a little fractious by now, which was a shame as both teams obviously set out to play the right way, but any post-match debate as to the rights and wrongs of a draw were spared when Bathelona had the last word, a third long-range finish over the now-injured-and-in-goal Alex to seal the points. Barely simply had no time to come back from this one, and the game ended with a defeat for the boys in black and yellow.
Man of the match was a hard one to call after such a humungous effort against a very good team, but Batts pipped Jim to the gong after a series of high-speed last-ditch tackles let Bathelona know this would be no stroll in the park.
So, the new regime begins with a defeat, but managers Danny, Mike and Colin will be happy with the attitude. For Barely, this particular blockbuster doesn't have a happy ending - but there's room for a sequel.
