Bathelona 7 Barely Athletic 1
Goal: Tom
Defence: Batts, Ian, Danny
Midfield: Scott, Paul L, Jacko, Chris S, Mike, Sam
Attack: Adam
Subs: Cristoph, Paul T, Colin
The rate Barely are going, in a couple of years this won't be a football blog but a support group. The 2012-13 season was spent reeling around like a boxer on his last legs, only to land three lucky punches in the final round. Now, as they enter the 13-14 season, he's managed to fall out of the ring and land on one of those plastic chairs.
Today's game was a farce in more ways than one. First off, Bathelona neglected to tell anybody they didn't play their games in Bath any more, so the Barely squad made an unnecessary trip to the city of sandstone only to find out they were expected in Keynsham. Bathelona's defence was that the venue had "been up on their website" for some time. However it transpired that none of the Barely number had thought to check, as they were busy with jobs and families and things like that. Everyone made a mental note to change their homepage, so when next year the fixture is scheduled in Ogbourne St George's School for the Terminally Absent-Minded they would know in advance, rather than having to rely on that classically thorny method of communication, telepathy.
Anyway here they were, trotting out in Jacko's experimental 3-6-1 line up with Wednesday regular Scott making his debut at right wing-back and Sam on the left. Jacko flooded the midfield with four more bodies including Sam's mate Chris, who helps out about once every four years. Adam was left to plough a solitary furrow in attack.
It started badly. Barely were struggling to get nodding terms with new personnel and formation when Bathelona, who began brightly, knocked in a couple of goals to acknowledge their ascendency. One was decent, the other an unlucky ricochet off a post, onto Tom's back and straight to the feet of an attacker.
There was a hasty reshuffle. So far Barely had been less a well-oiled machine than a well-oiled but hastily-arranged office party. Jacko changed to four at the back, keeping five in midfield, and brought on Cristoph for Mike. The team - stirred up by a succession of Ian's challenges - consolidated, reaching half-time with the game still potentially rescuable at 2-0.
At this point there was no sense of what was to come. Barely were like the innocent blonde in the opening of Jaws, running naively into the sea, unaware of the torture and eventual footballing death to come. Admittedly the shark had already scored two goals, so perhaps she could have stayed on the land, but unfortunately for the team there is no refusing to go back in the water. I.e. on the pitch.
It's been a long day.
The second half unfolded like a bleak Wagnerian opera. Wave after wave of Bathelona attacks came at them, and despite some real heroics from the defence - Tom in particular - as a unit Barely didn't seem able to deny them space. Bathelona's football was very good, and even better was their finishing. Tom in his most inspired form had no chance against some superbly-placed shots, and even less against an attempted cross that sailed into top corner. The lucky gets.
It got so one lost count. It got so Bathelona actually volunteered to discard a goal that the ref was happy to let stand. Actually he was happy to let most things stand, though the game by and large didn't suffer for it. In the midst of all this Jacko took himself off and made space on the left wing for Paul Tovey, who showed his usual deft touches and composure. But Barely were playing on the deck as the ship sank.
The last 15 minutes loomed and perhaps Bathelona took their foot off the gas a little. Certainly Barely kept trying, none more so than Adam, whose sheer effort alone was enough to get him man of the match (Chris S, Paul L and Sam as one-vote runners-up in a landslide). Chris set off on a run down the inside right, surging past a couple of challenges and into the box to fling a cross to Adam. Adam's header was straight and true, but sadly inches wide of the post.
Adam returned the favour for Chris with a neat set-up and his belted finished cannoned off the cross-bar. Surely Barely deserved something from this? They got it in the end - from the sheer persistence of Paul Loftus, who in a sustained period of yelling and shoving forced the keeper into his own net as he leapt to catch the ball. It shouldn't have stood, but at that point the ref probably felt sorry for Barely.
Time was called and Barely adjourned to the bar. The tone was surprisingly upbeat considering the hiding they had, but there is work ahead if this is not to be another season of successive six-pointers.
