Cormack channels his inner Woodward

Voyager 3 - 3 Barely Athletic

Kieran

Scott         Batts         Ian          John T

Sam         Chris         Paul L        Richie

Gareth         Paul Tovey

Subs
Darren
Laurie
Mike

If there was a feel of After the Lord Mayor's Show to proceedings, Voyager soon set about waking Barely up from their post-final hangover. Barely turned up with the knowledge that Voyager were currently bottom of the league, and perhaps that fed into a little complacency.

They should have scored early on though, when Sam dribbled into the box only to waft the ball gently at the keeper as he lost balance. Minutes later, a Paul Tovey through-ball gave Sam a second chance, but he belted it wide. Barely were to regret this profligacy when - not entirely against the run of play - Voyager took the lead.

For whatever reason the team in the orange and black stripes couldn't quite get their mojo working, and for all their pressure, Kieran was still regularly called upon to foil the home team on a frequent basis.

The equaliser came out of nowhere - as Voyager tried to play out from the back, the ball was intercepted and fell to Paul Tovey. The big man celebrated his birthday with an instant shot on the turn, that with the goalie stranded at the edge of his box, sailed into an unguarded net.

Half-time came and went with Batts rotating the subs - Mike and Laurie now on the pitch as Barely tried to resemble the team who were seven games unbeaten before today. But the ball was given away at the back and Voyager were gifted another goal - and Barely had another uphill struggle. Thank goodness then for Richie, who on the last game of the season scored his first goal of the season, ensuring he has scored every year for Barely over the last two decades! As Barely pressed again, the ball arrived at his feet just outside the box, and Cormack let fly - the keeper got a faint touch but couldn't stop it billowing the net.

It was now 2-2 and Barely had a platform to build on. But despite losing their biggest threat on the Barely goal to a hamstring injury, Voyager seemed to build a head of steam at this point as the game swung from end to end like a large and slightly flabby executive toy. And they took the lead yet again when a corking shot from out wide defeated Kieran, who got both hands to it, but as he dived backwards, couldn't prevent it from giving Voyager the lead a third time.

Seconds ticked away. Minutes fell off reality like books of the end of a bookshelf. Barely were not getting the rub of the green, as Voyager made clearance after clearance and every loose ball seemed to go to the team in blue and black. Barely made a point of testing the keeper whenever they could, but too many shots simply went straight at him. If Edward Woodward had been there to witness proceedings, he would have been shaking his head. Or possible yelling "Jesus Christ!" in the same unhinged way half the Barely team were.

Then with moments left on the clock, Richie came to the rescue again. Getting his head down and his energy from somewhere others cannot access, he stormed to the byline for the umpteenth time and crossed - where Gareth was waiting to head the ball into the net! 3-3, and no time for either time to claim a late victory, honours ended even - which felt fair considering what had gone before.

So the curtains fall on a season that will go down in the annals as a great one - after a very shaky start, Barely's last 8 games have been the epitome of 'solid'. Batts signings of Graham and Dave have played a big part, as has Kevin, and the long-anticipated return of Scott. Goals have come from everywhere, but in the main Barely have looked like a team who put in a real collective effort.

Man of the Match was Richie - a goal, an assist, a huge contribution from midfield. But with Barely unbeaten in 2017, Man of the Season is surely Batts, who has coaxed new life into this old dog, when all seemed lost.

Barely bring the Cup Home

Nailsea Old Boys 1- 1 Barely Athletic

Barely win 3-4 on penalties

Alan

Colin Mike Danny Batts

Paul L

Sam Chris Jim Darren

Gareth

Subs:

Adam

Kevin

Scott

John T

Laurie

Richie

Paul Tovey

Barely's sterling season gilded its own lily yesterday when their unbeaten run stretched to seven games, as they held Nobs to a draw and took home the cup via the elation and heartbreak of penalties.

As cup finals go it was a cracker, with both teams committed to winning the game outright. Batts went with a 4-1-4-1 formation throughout, with Gareth, Adam and Jim sharing striking duties and a number of willing Barelyites working hard behind them. The sun was out to watch them, as were several keen, and some less keen, supporters. Ian and Nick were there, as was Jim Banton. Graham - injured only the day before, in what was a blow to Barely, managed to hobble to the touchline. The other absentee of note from the starting line-up was Dave, who managed to contribute from afar via Yoko Ono wishing tree.

The day was such a whirlwind of drama and dehydration it's hard to recall every detail, but it did seem as though after a searching opening, Barely began to gather momentum and only a hesitancy in pulling the trigger was preventing an opener. Nailsea were robust - there seems to be a height and weight requirement to make the team - as they always are, but Barely were beginning to find small openings in the back line. As Batts and Laurie began rotating the numerous subs, though, Nailsea showed they were by no means rolling over, coming back at Batts' men with a series of swinging attacks as Barely's defence started to look slightly amoebic. Both Sam and Batts himself were required to clear off the line, and Allan was kept busy. Fortunately, the break arrived along with a chance to regroup.

More rotation took place along with a pep talk that was half carrot, half stick. The midfield was now Kevin, Richie, Paul Tovey, Paul Loftus and Darren: speed on the wings and industry in the middle. Chris was pushed back into defence where he started mopping up attacks and springing forward. Adam took a shift up front. And Barely were back on top; pushing and probing again; but without ever finding that crucial goal, despite some rather dubious challenges on Adam in and around the penalty area. When the goal came though, it was unexpected: Paul Loftus was 25 yards from goal and looked to be running out of time and options, so he hit it before, as he put it later "I fell over" and the ball hurtled unstoppably into the top corner of the net with the keeper a spectator.

1-0 Barely and now their tails were up. But again, they found Nailsea responding, and the Old Boys had an excedingly purple patch of a minute or two when it seemed the goal was destined, but somehow Barely kept it out. Batts and Laurie made some changes, and Sam came on to pick up his first yellow card in twenty years of football after someone he was running next to fell over.

The free kick came to naught, but Nailsea's equaliser arrived ten minutes later, when the defence found themselves outnumbered as Nailsea broke though the midfield. Allan saved the initial shot, and he Chris and Sam all converged on the loose ball. Somehow the attacker got their first and prodded it through Allan's legs. Nailsea were level.

The final ten minutes saw both teams go for it. More saves from Allan. Barely hitting the post. Gareth presented with an open goal, but getting the ball stuck under his feet and prodding it wide. At this point Barely were back off the ropes and swinging hard. But when the final whistle blew neither team had found the winner, so penalties it was.

Nailsea won the toss and elected to go first, but their psychological advantage blew up in their faces like an exploding cake when the first effort was planted over the bar.

Sam converted Barely's first, low to the right. 0-1

Nailsea drew level: 1-1

Jim kept Barely ahead, high to the right: 2-1

Nailsea scored again: 2-2

Paul Tovey sends the ball over the bar! 2-2

The forlorn big man was consoled by several team-mates, who admired his pluck, if not his aim. Paul however sat on the floor, looking miserable at the possibility of season-long ribbing once the scars had healed. As it turned out though, that wasn't necessary...

Nailsea score again, going ahead for the firt time: 3-2

Adam puts one to the goalie's right: 3-3

Nailsea miss again! A third effort over the bar. 3-3

...and the final of the tenth penalties falls to Paul Loftus, now sporting a battle scar over his eye that had been bleeding heavily. The rambunctious rascal stepped up and banged in the winner, and Barely went nuts.

The official photographer presented the cup with the immortal line "Who wants this then?" and Batts broke out the biscuits - including Belgian waffles and champagne. Grown men leapt up and down and hugged each other. Long-set faces cracked into smiles. Someone may have cried, it was hard to tell in the melee.

Paul Loftus picked up Man of the Match, with Batts runner-up. Chris was just behind them, with a vote apiece to Alan, Adam, Colin and Sam. The votes reflected a proper team effort with all the subs bar Laurie - who was organising them - playing a part. They retired with the season, despite at least one match remaining, a resounding success.

And the cup came home - specifically, Batts's home. 

Sofa So Good

Recliners 1 - 3 Barely Athletic

Alan

Dave            Colin           Danny          Graham

           Sam             Jim S           Richie                Paul Taverna

  Adam         Gareth

subs:
Batts
Neil
Chris
Laurie
Paul L
Paul Tovey
Darren
Mike

Tonight's headline comes courtesy of Batts, whose incentivised pay package of budget confectionary continues to prove a hit. Barely didn't produce a sublime performance tonight, but they dug in and made off with the three points anyway.

What with the fixture being contested on a Wednesday night, several of the training ground crew were available for selection. In fact the subs bench was so populous, in the second half all they had to do to keep warm was huddle together, like weirdly-dressed penguins. Richie made a long-awaited return, and he was joined by the lesser spotted Taverna and the (?) debutant Neil. Batts started with two of the three - stationing the energetic Richie in midfield and the almost-as-energetic Paul Taverna on the wing. Several regulars watched on from the sidelines as the game began, with Barely on top.

Recliners had a robust back line, and it looked to be a fairly physical game from the off. But Barely made early hay when Sam sent Gareth scampering - for a big man, he does scamper well - down the right, and his whipped ball in was sent between the keeper's legs by Adam. 1-0 Barely.

But then things began to go oddly wrong, as after an imposing first 20 minutes, Barely started to look a bit out of sorts. Recliners didn't need a second invitation to attack, but they got one anyway, and the away team were all over the shop when a cross was flung in from the right - with Alan out of his box, it was the simplest of headers to level the scores.

Barely needed something to change, and Batts decided the obvious choice was personnel, sending on Chris and Darren to pep things up. Dazza's willingness to, and capacity for, running really fast unnerved the Recliners back line, but Chris' impact was immediate - he surged through about three challenges into the box and let rip a shot that the 'keeper did well to parry. This seemed to lift Barely, and after a moribund ten minutes they finally got back in the game - and ended the half back on top in terms of the scoreline after Paul Taverna's delicate shot/cross (delete as appropriate) sailed into the far corner of the net. 1-2 Barely.

Batts gave a little half-time speech but kept the team as they were. At this point your correspondent was despatched to recover a ball in the trees nearby, but he had the bright idea of recording the audio events to clue him in as to what was happening. We have transcribed the recording faithfully here:

"HUrgghhhhaaaahhhhhhhNohhOoooorrraaaaahhavNowGerrrrittaaauuuuuooooogghaaaauuuuberisitaaaayeahyeahyyeasssOOOOORRRRGHAHHHHHHaaONNNIISSSSEEEEEAAAAAADDDaaaaahhhthatttsUGHOOOOFOhhhhhArrrrraaaahhhuuummhhhhhhfffffUCKOFFFFFF"

It's not exactly Match of the Day but we feel it does give a flavour often missing from match reports.

Back on the pitch all was going a little better than before. Barely were bossing the game again with Paul Loftus and Chris winning the midfield battle - and the whole team seemed to be more compact. Although Alan wasn't exactly a spectator, it was the Recliners goalkeeper who was pulling out the stops, getting a hand to shots from Paul Tovey and Sam, foiling Paul Taverna several times, and eventually foiling him rather illegally, as he shepherded him off the pitch with the ball not really on his mind. Paul converted the penalty himself, before having to retire to rest his hamstring. Really, it should have been Barely's second penalty, after the Recliners defence followed up the tackle of the game on Darren with the most absurd foul directly afterwards - simply hurling his body sideways into the long-suffering Dazza.

At the other end there was time for some silly tantrums after Gareth made what looked like a fair - if rugged - tackle on one of the Recliners, who exploded into an impromptu lecture at Gareth that involved critiquing his hair. Really! Tempers will flair, but lets keep the criticism to either football or questionable parentage.

There were no more goals to be had, and Barely's unbeaten run will continue right up until Sunday - the cup final. Can they extend it then? Man of the Match canvassing took a few diverse directions, but was ultimately shared between Richie and Chris, with three votes apiece.