Barely Athletic 2 PAS Masters 5
Goal: Nick
Defence: Batts, Jacko, Danny
Midfield: Ian J, Mike, Richie, Paul L, Sam
Attack: Adam, Paul T
No subs.
Barely's first league game of the season began - pre-whistle - in slightly ramshackle fashion, as the management scraped together just enough players to make a team and had to ask the opposition manager to referee. He charitably agreed, and Barely kicked off facing away from the sun, which was just beginning to burn through the morning mist that lay heavy over Frys.
Barely began uncharacteristically sharply, with Paul and Adam striking up a good understanding in attack and Richie quick to support them. For the first ten minutes Barely were completely dominant, and it was no surprise when they took the lead; Adam deftly chipping the goalkeeper from an angle to capitalise on incessant Barely pressure. One-nil.
But just as the earth must turn away from the sun, every team in the casuals league will have it's moment, and for Barely a long night was looming. For some unfathomable reason the early form Barely showed swiftly dried up, and the Masters took control of the game, from a scoring perspective, until half-time. A cheeky header from a free-kick got them level, but there was an element of fortune about their second as the ball squirmed under Nick as he tried to snaffle it up. Then a welly home from a corner put Masters well and truly in charge, and the break came with Barely trailing 3-1. With no subs available Danny could only make tactical changes, with Mike going between the sticks, Nick into defence and Jacko pushed into midfield. Barely's adventuresome 3-5-1, with Ian and Sam as nominal wing-backs, stayed in place.
Again Barely started the half well, put a large amount of pressure on the Masters back line and Adam in particular targeted for some serial heavy challenges. But when the goal came Adam made it from nothing, controlling a ball as it dropped and then spinning to finish in the one place the keeper couldn't get to, just inside the far post. 3-2 and Barely were back in the hunt.
However as the scoreline shows as far as hunting went, that was it for Barely. They still had their moments - Paul Tovey's pivot and welly sailing just over - but the Masters defence held firm, and just as with the last game, as Barely chased more desperately they were open to being picked off, which Masters did with aplomb. Danny handled under pressure, and though Mike got close to the ball, the net billowed from the resulting penalty. 4-2 to Masters now and with time ticking away Barely saw their swashbuckling ball-winner Paul Loftus limp off after twisting his knee in a challenge.
Had this been a Hollywood movie someone would have stepped to the fore and had the game of their life to drag Barely by the scruff of their collective neck to victory. But Adam couldn't quite manage it and hence missed out on man of the match despite scoring two excellent goals. While he was failing at that Barely conceded the sort of comedy goal you see in beer ads, as they spiralled in confused circles, dazzled by the PAS Master give-and-go, and watched Mike saunter across his goal as the ball went in - having realised, as he correctly asserted later, that he wasn't going to get to the ball.
5-2 it ended then, and as was noted afterwards it wasn't really a 5-2 - something of a recurrent theme with Barely. When they eventually go down maybe they can console themselves that they "Aren't really relegated".
Apart from Adam's salvo and Paul Loftus' mostly-horizontal man-of-the-match performance (other m-o-m nominees were Richie, Jacko, Sam and King Of The Slide*, Batts), the other main highlight was Ian's newly-christened Gripe of the Week, which from a mixed bag of indignant protests he chose a throw-in taken from the wrong place. Our personal favourite was the time-wasting tactics at 4-2 down... what with Ian's entertaining skit on the wing, and a seven-goal battle in what eventually became blistering sunshine, football was the winner today. But sadly that doesn't get Barely any points.
*sliding tackle. Not the playground slide.
Sunday 14 October 2012
Monday 17 September 2012
Barely Play Donkey's Arse Role in Dave Basset Panto
Banjo Vets 3 Barely Athletic 1
Goal: Tom
Defence: Ian J, Chris, Ian G, Nick
Midfield: Adam, Richie, Mike, Sam
Attack: Jim S, Paul T
Sub: Danny
The September grass is laced with dew, Mike is cracking jokes in the changing room, the manager is running late, Barely are out of the cup... it must be the first game of the season.
They say a stopped clock is right twice a day, but they never saw Barely attempt the first hurdle of the Casuals League's second-most-eminent competition, which is like watching a drowning man trying to juggle badly-set jelly.
As was noted after the game, it was far from the usual cow-on-a-stairlift performance Barely are capable of at the start of every season (and the first ten minutes of every game thereafter) but having gone behind half way through the second half, they could not find an equaliser and were sucker-punched on the counter-attack, to give Banjo's victory a little gloss.
It looked like Barely might buck the trend at the start, as they soaked up Banjo pressure and tried to break quickly. And it was one such attack that put them in the lead - a goal like you'd see on the telly, in fact. A combination of Richie, Jim S and debutant Paul Tovey saw the ball eventually despatched into the box from the left, where Adam met it with a diving header. It flew into the net and despite some erroneous calls for handball Hillmann's goal stood; 1-0 to Barely.
However the gold of a precious lead in the cup turned to shit in their hands only minutes later. It looked like Adam was pushed to the floor as he sprinted toward the box, but as a row broke out over the direction and intent of his flailing legs the ref - somewhat retiring, as refs go - allowed play to continue, and Banjo took advantage of the confusion to slot an equaliser past Tom.
At half-time Danny elected to make no changes, but encouraged the team to use both the time Banjo were allowing them and the width of the pitch better. And the second half was a fairly even affair for a while, although the signs were there of the coming doom in the comparative workload of the goalkeepers - Tom busy, his opposite number saving his strength for an argument with Jim in the closing stages of the game. And Banjo eventually took the lead, disappointingly from a corner, as an attacker nodded the ball deftly down to put the home team 2-1 up.
Giving up is not in the Barely DNA so there was no chance of a collapse, but as they pushed for an equaliser Banjo were finding more and more opportunities to counter-attack, and after Barely's best period of play in the game they got their third, giving the away team very little chance of a comeback. The best late drama they could offer was Jim being accused of diving by their goalie; once again as the debate continued the ref was nowhere to be seen. Perish the thought he's ever asked to attend an intervention.
So a disappointing defeat, but a game played in good spirit in the main, and no complaints from Barely. The day was remarkable for at least one thing from their perspective - being the first time Nick had done the full 90 minutes outfield in 4 years. Congratulations to one of Barely's elder statesmen!
Serial man-of-the-match winner Richie did it again, though there were also votes for runner-up Chris, Ian, Mike and Tom. Having got the inevitable out of the way, Barely can now concentrate on the league*. And at least we now know that you can hit a donkey's arse with a banjo.
*finishing fourth from bottom
Goal: Tom
Defence: Ian J, Chris, Ian G, Nick
Midfield: Adam, Richie, Mike, Sam
Attack: Jim S, Paul T
Sub: Danny
The September grass is laced with dew, Mike is cracking jokes in the changing room, the manager is running late, Barely are out of the cup... it must be the first game of the season.
They say a stopped clock is right twice a day, but they never saw Barely attempt the first hurdle of the Casuals League's second-most-eminent competition, which is like watching a drowning man trying to juggle badly-set jelly.
As was noted after the game, it was far from the usual cow-on-a-stairlift performance Barely are capable of at the start of every season (and the first ten minutes of every game thereafter) but having gone behind half way through the second half, they could not find an equaliser and were sucker-punched on the counter-attack, to give Banjo's victory a little gloss.
It looked like Barely might buck the trend at the start, as they soaked up Banjo pressure and tried to break quickly. And it was one such attack that put them in the lead - a goal like you'd see on the telly, in fact. A combination of Richie, Jim S and debutant Paul Tovey saw the ball eventually despatched into the box from the left, where Adam met it with a diving header. It flew into the net and despite some erroneous calls for handball Hillmann's goal stood; 1-0 to Barely.
However the gold of a precious lead in the cup turned to shit in their hands only minutes later. It looked like Adam was pushed to the floor as he sprinted toward the box, but as a row broke out over the direction and intent of his flailing legs the ref - somewhat retiring, as refs go - allowed play to continue, and Banjo took advantage of the confusion to slot an equaliser past Tom.
At half-time Danny elected to make no changes, but encouraged the team to use both the time Banjo were allowing them and the width of the pitch better. And the second half was a fairly even affair for a while, although the signs were there of the coming doom in the comparative workload of the goalkeepers - Tom busy, his opposite number saving his strength for an argument with Jim in the closing stages of the game. And Banjo eventually took the lead, disappointingly from a corner, as an attacker nodded the ball deftly down to put the home team 2-1 up.
Giving up is not in the Barely DNA so there was no chance of a collapse, but as they pushed for an equaliser Banjo were finding more and more opportunities to counter-attack, and after Barely's best period of play in the game they got their third, giving the away team very little chance of a comeback. The best late drama they could offer was Jim being accused of diving by their goalie; once again as the debate continued the ref was nowhere to be seen. Perish the thought he's ever asked to attend an intervention.
So a disappointing defeat, but a game played in good spirit in the main, and no complaints from Barely. The day was remarkable for at least one thing from their perspective - being the first time Nick had done the full 90 minutes outfield in 4 years. Congratulations to one of Barely's elder statesmen!
Serial man-of-the-match winner Richie did it again, though there were also votes for runner-up Chris, Ian, Mike and Tom. Having got the inevitable out of the way, Barely can now concentrate on the league*. And at least we now know that you can hit a donkey's arse with a banjo.
*finishing fourth from bottom
Sunday 13 May 2012
Same Old Story for Old Boys
Barely Athletic 0 Nailsea Old Boys 4
Goal: Tom
Defence: Nick, Batts, Jacko, Colin
Midfield: Chris, Richie, Mike, Sam
Attack: Lefils, Adam
Subs: Danny, Ian
With the Keynsham pitches waterlogged, Nailsea had generously stepped in and agreed to host today's tie at short notice. One would assume playing at home suited them better anyway, as the immediate challenge for any opposition team is finding the ground, located as it in a tear in the space/time fabric somewhere between the A370 and the Atlantic Ocean - en route the team witnessed a succession of vintage vehicles - or as Mike would have them "old bangers" - on their way to a rally. The comparison with Barely is so tempting that your correspondent must leave it fallow, so as not to invite accusations of lazy journalism. Anyway, having made it to the pitch, Barely had taken the first step toward what would be a historic victory, given that Nobs have apparently only been beaten once in two years (by Barely, as it happens).
With "recognisable" keeper Tom between the sticks, and new boy Adam providing the pace to abet Lefils' guile up front, Barely hoped to cause a shock. But when the whistle went it was Nobs who controlled from the off, the new breed of Old Boys looking a little less aged than the old lot. In fact Barely's main points of focus in the early period of the game were mostly clearing their lines and trying to get Lefils to calm down, as a series of wayward passes into touch, or to the hosts, or just into randomly unhelpful destinations had him at fury-factor five with only ten minutes played.
But even Nobs could not expect to have the game all their own way, and as Barely looked to break Fizzy made inroads down the right only to see his cross sail over Adam. They had broke so quickly that the rest of the team were still struggling to get into the box. And the pressure came back again, only with half an hour now played Barely were feeling the heat. Sure enough, a blocked shot and the ball fell invitingly to a Nobs midfielder who deftly chipped Tom from the edge of the box.
Ian came on for Adam as the subs began to roll, and Barely saw out the rest of the half still hanging on, and agreed that as good as Nobs clearly are the boys in orangey-yellow and black-fading-to-grey stripes were not performing at their best. Danny came on at centre-back and other than that the team stayed as they were.
But the second half was not kind to Barely. They started well - Richie powering through the middle and getting a shot off - and for five or ten minutes one could even say they were the team on top. But expectation is rarely a faithful companion in football, and Nobs scored again to put themselves 2-0 ahead, and regain the box seat in terms of attacking threat for the remainder of the game.
Still, Barely had their moments. They drew several last ditch clearances and headers from the Nobs back line as they sort a way back into the game, but unfortunately those stats are not what counts. Nobs showed Barely how it's done with two more goals - first as a striker dribbled past a curiously static Danny - who later admitted he thought Batts was behind him - and then a thumped finish from the penalty area as the resistance cracked like a British Leyland engine's head gasket.
So the season did not end on a high for Barely, but there are encouraging signs for the future - not least another season in the top tier. Add to that Tom between the sticks (runner-up in the man of the match vote today), the possibility of prising Adam from the Downs League as a hungry young (ish) recruit and Paul Loftus from his Saturday league as a slightly older one... the championship may be beyond them, but if Barely can shake off their terrible Cup form, who knows? Next season could be the one.
Well done to everyone for today's effort, in particular hats off to serial man-of-the-match winner Richie for his input (other votes besides Tom went to Colin (who ran a marathon at right-back*), Sam and Jacko). Danny also deserves kudos for steering the team to safety on his maiden season as a top-flight manager, assisted ably by Mike and Colin. And you too - if you're reading this you can no doubt say you were there, forever now part of the rich Barely tapestry: the team who don't deserve to lose 4-0.
*not literally. That would be silly.
Goal: Tom
Defence: Nick, Batts, Jacko, Colin
Midfield: Chris, Richie, Mike, Sam
Attack: Lefils, Adam
Subs: Danny, Ian
With the Keynsham pitches waterlogged, Nailsea had generously stepped in and agreed to host today's tie at short notice. One would assume playing at home suited them better anyway, as the immediate challenge for any opposition team is finding the ground, located as it in a tear in the space/time fabric somewhere between the A370 and the Atlantic Ocean - en route the team witnessed a succession of vintage vehicles - or as Mike would have them "old bangers" - on their way to a rally. The comparison with Barely is so tempting that your correspondent must leave it fallow, so as not to invite accusations of lazy journalism. Anyway, having made it to the pitch, Barely had taken the first step toward what would be a historic victory, given that Nobs have apparently only been beaten once in two years (by Barely, as it happens).
With "recognisable" keeper Tom between the sticks, and new boy Adam providing the pace to abet Lefils' guile up front, Barely hoped to cause a shock. But when the whistle went it was Nobs who controlled from the off, the new breed of Old Boys looking a little less aged than the old lot. In fact Barely's main points of focus in the early period of the game were mostly clearing their lines and trying to get Lefils to calm down, as a series of wayward passes into touch, or to the hosts, or just into randomly unhelpful destinations had him at fury-factor five with only ten minutes played.
But even Nobs could not expect to have the game all their own way, and as Barely looked to break Fizzy made inroads down the right only to see his cross sail over Adam. They had broke so quickly that the rest of the team were still struggling to get into the box. And the pressure came back again, only with half an hour now played Barely were feeling the heat. Sure enough, a blocked shot and the ball fell invitingly to a Nobs midfielder who deftly chipped Tom from the edge of the box.
Ian came on for Adam as the subs began to roll, and Barely saw out the rest of the half still hanging on, and agreed that as good as Nobs clearly are the boys in orangey-yellow and black-fading-to-grey stripes were not performing at their best. Danny came on at centre-back and other than that the team stayed as they were.
But the second half was not kind to Barely. They started well - Richie powering through the middle and getting a shot off - and for five or ten minutes one could even say they were the team on top. But expectation is rarely a faithful companion in football, and Nobs scored again to put themselves 2-0 ahead, and regain the box seat in terms of attacking threat for the remainder of the game.
Still, Barely had their moments. They drew several last ditch clearances and headers from the Nobs back line as they sort a way back into the game, but unfortunately those stats are not what counts. Nobs showed Barely how it's done with two more goals - first as a striker dribbled past a curiously static Danny - who later admitted he thought Batts was behind him - and then a thumped finish from the penalty area as the resistance cracked like a British Leyland engine's head gasket.
So the season did not end on a high for Barely, but there are encouraging signs for the future - not least another season in the top tier. Add to that Tom between the sticks (runner-up in the man of the match vote today), the possibility of prising Adam from the Downs League as a hungry young (ish) recruit and Paul Loftus from his Saturday league as a slightly older one... the championship may be beyond them, but if Barely can shake off their terrible Cup form, who knows? Next season could be the one.
Well done to everyone for today's effort, in particular hats off to serial man-of-the-match winner Richie for his input (other votes besides Tom went to Colin (who ran a marathon at right-back*), Sam and Jacko). Danny also deserves kudos for steering the team to safety on his maiden season as a top-flight manager, assisted ably by Mike and Colin. And you too - if you're reading this you can no doubt say you were there, forever now part of the rich Barely tapestry: the team who don't deserve to lose 4-0.
*not literally. That would be silly.
Tuesday 24 April 2012
Long-Mooted Philosophical Question About Mondays Finally Answered
Barely Athletic 0 Easton Monday 4
Goal: Tom
Defence: Colin, Danny, Batts, Ian
Midfield: Sam, Richie, Lefils, Jacko
Attack: Jim S, Jay
Subs: Nick, Ben
It was one of those end-of-season fixtures that are played with a slightly lassez-faire approach. Safe from relegation, Barely knew they could relax into their game, under no pressure, and who knows? Maybe they'd see off a strong Easton Monday side by merit of some composed passing and cheeky dribbling.
Monday had other ideas though. A fairly big side, they rarely needed to call on their muscle as they passed their way through the Barely ranks like Barcelona would some unheeded bunch of artisans whose moment has long since passed. England, for instance. Barely were dogged, as they always are, but it was the kind of canine who might have looked more at home in front of a roaring fire eating treats; as the rain battered down on Keynsham there was no marshmallow in sight.
At half-time the situation could be looked at optimistically. Barely had held firm consistently enough to only be 1-0 down, and they'd had the odd moment of threat themselves, albeit against the run of play. But any hopes of keeping it tight and nicking an equaliser were dashed on the hour mark, when Monday planted a stooping header into the far post to make it 2-0. Giving in isn't in Barely's nature but the most one-eyed observer would have known they had a big hill to climb.
As Barely pushed upfield in search of a reply they had their best spell of the game, but unfortunately it ended when Monday scored again, the goal this time coming off the unfortunate foot of Danny, whose attenmpted clearance looped backwards over the onrushing Tom. If Barely were a horse they'd have been shot at this point, but fortunately this is the Casuals League and that sort of thing rarely happens (any more).
Another goal moments later put the final nail in this particular coffin and despite another surge from Barely, who don't know when they're beaten, a consolation goal was denied them when Richie's chip was cleared off the line, and the whistle - gamely taken by one of the Monday players - was blown on a bit of a footballing lesson for the boys in orangey-yellow and black-fading-to-grey. Disappointment at the scoreline was the general feeling - no complaints about the result, but it's rarely Barely don't even bother with a poll for Man of the Match. And with the next game against high-flying champions elect Nailsea Old Boys, can Barely lift themselves for a rousing end-of-season finale?
Goal: Tom
Defence: Colin, Danny, Batts, Ian
Midfield: Sam, Richie, Lefils, Jacko
Attack: Jim S, Jay
Subs: Nick, Ben
It was one of those end-of-season fixtures that are played with a slightly lassez-faire approach. Safe from relegation, Barely knew they could relax into their game, under no pressure, and who knows? Maybe they'd see off a strong Easton Monday side by merit of some composed passing and cheeky dribbling.
Monday had other ideas though. A fairly big side, they rarely needed to call on their muscle as they passed their way through the Barely ranks like Barcelona would some unheeded bunch of artisans whose moment has long since passed. England, for instance. Barely were dogged, as they always are, but it was the kind of canine who might have looked more at home in front of a roaring fire eating treats; as the rain battered down on Keynsham there was no marshmallow in sight.
At half-time the situation could be looked at optimistically. Barely had held firm consistently enough to only be 1-0 down, and they'd had the odd moment of threat themselves, albeit against the run of play. But any hopes of keeping it tight and nicking an equaliser were dashed on the hour mark, when Monday planted a stooping header into the far post to make it 2-0. Giving in isn't in Barely's nature but the most one-eyed observer would have known they had a big hill to climb.
As Barely pushed upfield in search of a reply they had their best spell of the game, but unfortunately it ended when Monday scored again, the goal this time coming off the unfortunate foot of Danny, whose attenmpted clearance looped backwards over the onrushing Tom. If Barely were a horse they'd have been shot at this point, but fortunately this is the Casuals League and that sort of thing rarely happens (any more).
Another goal moments later put the final nail in this particular coffin and despite another surge from Barely, who don't know when they're beaten, a consolation goal was denied them when Richie's chip was cleared off the line, and the whistle - gamely taken by one of the Monday players - was blown on a bit of a footballing lesson for the boys in orangey-yellow and black-fading-to-grey. Disappointment at the scoreline was the general feeling - no complaints about the result, but it's rarely Barely don't even bother with a poll for Man of the Match. And with the next game against high-flying champions elect Nailsea Old Boys, can Barely lift themselves for a rousing end-of-season finale?
Sunday 1 April 2012
No-one Doubting Thomas
Reunion 1 Barely Athletic 2
Goal: Tom
Defence: Batts, Danny, Ian
Wingbacks: Chris, Sam
Midfield: Richie, Jacko, Nick
Attack: Jim B, Jim S
Subs: Fizzy, Mike, Paul
A sparkling sun shone down on the ideal Casuals League fixture - two teams well-matched, playing out a proper game of footie in mostly-gentlemanly fashion, at a pace a casual observer might have described as sedate, or possibly ambulatory, depending on which side of bed they got out of.
Last season Barely put five past Reunion, but perhaps with that heavy defeat fresh-ish in the memory, Reunion put up a sterner fight today. Danny had a strong set of cards to play with, and he duly shuffled the deck, resting Mike and Paul from the outset (Fizzy arrived late) and decanting the team into an innovative 3-5-2 shape, with Sam and Chris set up as alleged wing-backs. They were convincing enough in the first half; as the game drew nearer it's conclusion Sam, at least, was more like an orthodox Barely right-back - out of breath.
But by that time all kinds of drama had been witnessed. The game was only minutes old when Reunion broke through the back line and charged in on goal. The sight of new signing Tom charging from his line and smothering the ball with aplomb must have sent a charge of confidence jolting through the team, and Barely's early scare passed.
For a while they consigned Reunion to optimistic shots from range, whilst carving out openings for themselves that were either smothered, or narrowly missed. Jim S shot wide; Sam headed over - later blaming his genes for the miss, as his antecedents presented him with the physical properties of a short-arse. Then the breakthrough - Jim Banton was sent through the gap and charged into the penalty area only to be brought down. A penalty, and no arguments from Reunion about it. Jim S tucked the ball into the corner with no flies on it, and Barely were in the lead.
However the sunny disposition darkened slightly when a clean tackle by Reunion saw Jim B land awkwardly on his shoulder. In a lot of pain, he was withdrawn and whisked off to hospital by Man-of-all-Jobs for the day Colin, who had also bravely collected Fizzy from his boudoir for the game. We wish Jim in the best in his recovery, whatever the diagnosis.
On in his stead came the Gallic Powerhouse; now with eyes fully accustomed to daylight, having stood on the sidelines getting changed and presumably undergoing the unique wake-up treatment of listening to Mike's idiosyncratic brand of one-liners. Fizzy shrugged off his lethargy pretty quickly though - within ten minutes he had put Barely 2-0 with a balletic overhead kick into the top corner.
The other stand-out moment of the first half was Tom's instinctive tip-over from Reunion's best chance of the game. This correspondent certainly thought it was in, but Barely seem to have unearthed a gem here - have they finally solved the long-running goalkeeper saga?
Half-time came and Nick made way for Mike, who took up the midfield berth. Paul came on shortly afterwards when Ian felt his hamstring start to complain, and put himself about a bit. But Danny's warning about the game not being over loomed heavy when Reunion scored after a period of confusion. Richie decided that being elbowed in the back was not part of the Casuals ethos and made his way to the perpetrator to tell him so. An impromptu debating group broke out in the middle of the pitch, but play continued around the squabble, and as the rest of the players wondered if and when the Ref was going to take action, Reunion took advantage of the uncertainty to plonk the ball high into the net after a series of failed clearances.
And that was pretty much it. There was no Barely collapse; in fact they came closest to scoring again when Jim S's chipped cross from the right was met by Richie's diving header - but over the bar. After a last five minutes that seemed to go on for aeons, the Ref finally blew time.
Barely have enough points now to stay clear of the drop for another season, so congratulations all around. Man of the Match by a majority was Tom - not for his sterling handling, apparently, but the fact he can actually kick the ball into the opposition half; a Barely first for a goalkeeper. Runners-up were Richie and Batts.
Three more games - can Barely put together a run of form, or will they stick to their Jekyll and Hyde tradition of being totally shite in the next game? All the news, as we get it....
Sunday 11 March 2012
After the Goal Rush
SCS Vets 6 Barely Athletic 1
Goal: Peter
Defence: John, Batts, Ian, Sam
Midfield: Richie, Lefils, Chris, Mike
Attack: Jim, Jim B
Sub: Danny
Any hopes Barely had of surfing the wave of optimism generated by the spectacular comeback in their last game were torpedoed by SCS Vets, who played a canny game of threatening to concede the points - to give Barely a false sense of points-in-the-bag - and then suddenly changing tactic, claiming they now had a full team and would fulfill the fixture - discombobulating the away team, who were preparing to gallantly play a friendly. Mike's extended pre-match talk in the changing room of good portents for Barely in his home life - too surreal to detail here - should probably have ended, it turns out, after his opening salvo of "I'm not a superstitious man".
Another day it could have been so different. Barely played a decent game of football but were serially guilty of missing chances. Conversely, new goalkeeper Peter could do nothing about any of the SCS goals, as each and every one of them seemed to fly at speed into the unreachable corners of the net.
Having edged the opening quarter-hour, Barely fell behind when SCS counter-attacked with purpose and poise. Jim equalised with a spectacular lob from an a acute angle, but SCS struck back immediately and added another before half time, going in at half-time 3-1 up courtesy of clinical finishing. Barely's neat build-up play, with Jim Banton putting on another man-of-the-match showing, came to naught in terms of the score.
No personnel or tactical changes from Danny during the break, just the advice to keep the ball on the floor and use the width. But despite another good start to the half, Barely just could not get the ball in the net. Lefils shot against the bar; Jim Banton headed against the post. The keeper foiled Jim's tap-in from Lefil's cut-back on the goal-line. Sam's waist-high volley was plucked from the air like a wren snatched up by a barn owl. A barn owl with a red jersey and chunky thighs.
And at the other end SCS were having no such trouble, going 4-1 up around the hour mark and adding two more goals late on; Barely's reshuffle as Jim Banton had to dash off (Danny on at RB) bringing no dividends. SCS even had time to whack a penalty wide, Ian having upended an attacker in the box. The manager, somewhat greedily, brought himself on to take it - and then subbed himself off again having cocked it up. Barely's best chance of a late consolation goal came as a ball flew into the box and Sam met it with a header - but with not enough contact, it sailed away from goal, kind of like a wren deciding it didn't want to risk going near the barn, and buggering off home instead.
It was just not Barely's day, and though the result could not be argued with, everyone felt 6-1 did not reflect the balance of play. Just the finishing. So, not a huge amount of positives to take from the game, but at least it was played in good spirit - and in the sun.
Sunday 26 February 2012
Barely comeback ends Retainers repartee
Barely Athletic 8 Retainers 7
Goal: Mani
Defence: Ian J, Ian G, David, Sam
Midfield: Lefils, Richie, Jacko, Batts
Attack: Jim B, John
Cavalry subs: Tom, Mike
Supporters: Colin, Roman, Steve Pinnell
There are 15 goal thrillers and there are 15 goal thrillers. This was one of the latter, but with a little of 15 goal comedy-horror sprinkled liberally on top, like confetti on an oil fire. Was it flamboyant attacking, or porous defending responsible for what amounted to a cricket score, albeit from a cricket game one would probably want their money back on? Probably both.
Things didn't start well for Barely when their 14-man squad, culled from 10 regulars and 4 able deputies, was dramatically further culled in a series of despondent texts, as a trio of players cried off for reasons you can be sure Alex Ferguson hasn't heard in a while. Hangover... broken boiler... the assembled team were just waiting to hear that Jim Banton had fallen off his unicycle when fortunately he turned up, and Barely had an eleven to start the game with.
With no recognisable keeper to speak of, Mani gamely took the gloves for the opening quarter of an hour. However he was mostly a spectator, as despite Barely struggling to come to terms with Retainer's neat diagonal passing in the midfield, there was no clear sight of goal allowed. And they took the lead themselves only 5 minutes in with their first clear chance - like a lot of the Barely pressure to follow the ball came down the left, and as John pressured the back line it broke to Sam, who sidefooted it into the far corner. Barely were 1-0 up and on the personnel side there had been a breakthrough - longtime absentee Tom Pinnell had shrugged off his heavy head to join the fray, so Sam - spluttering a little - took to the touchline as Tom went in goal, Mani right wing and Batts dropped into defence.
But whatever hopefully-legal narcotic Tom had taken it possibly hadn't quite kicked in, as a frantic twenty minutes saw both sides fill their respective onion bags. Bang! Tom's first action was to pick the ball out of the Barely net as Retainers equalised. Whack! John put Barely ahead again with a cracking finish over the keeper as the ball bounced at shoulder-height. Thump! Retainers struck again, as the Barely back line began to creak like a rotten tree in the wind. Crash! There it goes! Retainers took the lead as Barely just seemed to surrender the middle of the park and the opposition tore into the back line at will. And despite Jim Banton's quick reply for Barely to level at 3-3, Retainers took advantage of the lack of cohesion in the Barely ranks to crash in two more before half-time. It wasn't so much as a walk to the touchline as a retreat, Barely dragging their metaphoric injured home from an ass-kicking. There was no doubt at this stage that Retainers were in the box seat.
But Batts' half-time address was a calm one - everyone knew there were more goals to be had in this game, it was just a question of trying to shore up the defence a little and get a team shape that resembled the geometric, rather than a strand of diseased DNA. Sam came back on at right-back for Batts, and John's heroics took a turn for the authoritative as he refereed the second half. On in his stead came Mike, fresh from the water boiler dramas at home. He took the left-back slot as Ian J moved to right midfield and Mani joined Jim up front.
Barely began the brighter - they couldn't have been any dimmer, to be honest - but after a possession-rich five minutes Retainers scored against the run of play, the ball breaking kindly for an attacker who poked it past Tom's despairing dive. 6-3, and suddenly the next 40 minutes looked like a long stretch of purgatory for past-life misdemeanours.
But wait. Do you hear the fanfare of distant trumpets? Do you feel the spirit of England/France (delete as appropriate) stirring within you? Can you see Mike Graney rising, like a particularly large and curiously attired salmon, to nod home Richie Cormack's corner? Barely Athletic's spectacular collapses are varied and many, but are they ever accompanied by fatalistic throwing-in of the cards? -Are they shite.
Mike's goal galvanised Barely and rattled Retainers. All of a sudden the team in the bumble-bee strip were swarming, and the away side were unable to cope. Ian J burst to the byline and squared the ball to Jim, who laid off to Jacko, who laid off to Richie, who plonked the ball past the keeper for 6-5. Richie and Lefils combined for the umpteenth time down the left to set up Jacko, who brought Barely level: 6-6. Then yet another move down the Barely left found it's way to Ian J, who had stolen into the box and had the simplest of finishes to put Barely ahead, and finally Tom - now out of goal (with Mike in) and ranging down the Barely right - wellied in a Lefils cross to put a little gloss on the score at 8-6, with ten minutes remaining. That was eight goals from eight different players on the Barely team... surely a record.
Somewhere in the midst of all that Retainers felt - with good reason - they should have had a penalty, but Ian G's challenge was somewhere near the edge of the area and John awarded a free-kick, that was sent whistling narrowly wide. They were still attacking too, but the Barely defence looked a different proposition from the shaky start, and when their last-ditch clearances failed them Tom - Berocca and Ibuprofen now fully infused in his trembling veins - or later, Mike, were on hand to mop up.
Retainers did have a chance to salvage a point, however. Having finally broken through the wall when Barely relaxed at 8-6 up, to put the game back in the balance at 8-7. They pressured for the last five minutes, and the final action of the game saw them head narrowly over - one could not have begrudged Retainers a point from this game, but directly after this miss time was called. Both teams shook hands on the conclusion of the kind of football game that's missing from the Premier League (ie riddled with mistakes) that was played in very good spirits by both sides.
It was an excellent second half performance from Barely, and it seems almost a shame to give the man of the match award to an individual; except for the fact most people thought Jim Banton deserved it - never stopped running, scored one, laid a couple on. Congratulations to him, and the team as a whole. Nobody scored less than 9/10 in the Barely Reporter's eyes, and in the second half the team were more than the sum of it's parts: ten out of ten, Barely.
Goal: Mani
Defence: Ian J, Ian G, David, Sam
Midfield: Lefils, Richie, Jacko, Batts
Attack: Jim B, John
Cavalry subs: Tom, Mike
Supporters: Colin, Roman, Steve Pinnell
There are 15 goal thrillers and there are 15 goal thrillers. This was one of the latter, but with a little of 15 goal comedy-horror sprinkled liberally on top, like confetti on an oil fire. Was it flamboyant attacking, or porous defending responsible for what amounted to a cricket score, albeit from a cricket game one would probably want their money back on? Probably both.
Things didn't start well for Barely when their 14-man squad, culled from 10 regulars and 4 able deputies, was dramatically further culled in a series of despondent texts, as a trio of players cried off for reasons you can be sure Alex Ferguson hasn't heard in a while. Hangover... broken boiler... the assembled team were just waiting to hear that Jim Banton had fallen off his unicycle when fortunately he turned up, and Barely had an eleven to start the game with.
With no recognisable keeper to speak of, Mani gamely took the gloves for the opening quarter of an hour. However he was mostly a spectator, as despite Barely struggling to come to terms with Retainer's neat diagonal passing in the midfield, there was no clear sight of goal allowed. And they took the lead themselves only 5 minutes in with their first clear chance - like a lot of the Barely pressure to follow the ball came down the left, and as John pressured the back line it broke to Sam, who sidefooted it into the far corner. Barely were 1-0 up and on the personnel side there had been a breakthrough - longtime absentee Tom Pinnell had shrugged off his heavy head to join the fray, so Sam - spluttering a little - took to the touchline as Tom went in goal, Mani right wing and Batts dropped into defence.
But whatever hopefully-legal narcotic Tom had taken it possibly hadn't quite kicked in, as a frantic twenty minutes saw both sides fill their respective onion bags. Bang! Tom's first action was to pick the ball out of the Barely net as Retainers equalised. Whack! John put Barely ahead again with a cracking finish over the keeper as the ball bounced at shoulder-height. Thump! Retainers struck again, as the Barely back line began to creak like a rotten tree in the wind. Crash! There it goes! Retainers took the lead as Barely just seemed to surrender the middle of the park and the opposition tore into the back line at will. And despite Jim Banton's quick reply for Barely to level at 3-3, Retainers took advantage of the lack of cohesion in the Barely ranks to crash in two more before half-time. It wasn't so much as a walk to the touchline as a retreat, Barely dragging their metaphoric injured home from an ass-kicking. There was no doubt at this stage that Retainers were in the box seat.
But Batts' half-time address was a calm one - everyone knew there were more goals to be had in this game, it was just a question of trying to shore up the defence a little and get a team shape that resembled the geometric, rather than a strand of diseased DNA. Sam came back on at right-back for Batts, and John's heroics took a turn for the authoritative as he refereed the second half. On in his stead came Mike, fresh from the water boiler dramas at home. He took the left-back slot as Ian J moved to right midfield and Mani joined Jim up front.
Barely began the brighter - they couldn't have been any dimmer, to be honest - but after a possession-rich five minutes Retainers scored against the run of play, the ball breaking kindly for an attacker who poked it past Tom's despairing dive. 6-3, and suddenly the next 40 minutes looked like a long stretch of purgatory for past-life misdemeanours.
But wait. Do you hear the fanfare of distant trumpets? Do you feel the spirit of England/France (delete as appropriate) stirring within you? Can you see Mike Graney rising, like a particularly large and curiously attired salmon, to nod home Richie Cormack's corner? Barely Athletic's spectacular collapses are varied and many, but are they ever accompanied by fatalistic throwing-in of the cards? -Are they shite.
Mike's goal galvanised Barely and rattled Retainers. All of a sudden the team in the bumble-bee strip were swarming, and the away side were unable to cope. Ian J burst to the byline and squared the ball to Jim, who laid off to Jacko, who laid off to Richie, who plonked the ball past the keeper for 6-5. Richie and Lefils combined for the umpteenth time down the left to set up Jacko, who brought Barely level: 6-6. Then yet another move down the Barely left found it's way to Ian J, who had stolen into the box and had the simplest of finishes to put Barely ahead, and finally Tom - now out of goal (with Mike in) and ranging down the Barely right - wellied in a Lefils cross to put a little gloss on the score at 8-6, with ten minutes remaining. That was eight goals from eight different players on the Barely team... surely a record.
Somewhere in the midst of all that Retainers felt - with good reason - they should have had a penalty, but Ian G's challenge was somewhere near the edge of the area and John awarded a free-kick, that was sent whistling narrowly wide. They were still attacking too, but the Barely defence looked a different proposition from the shaky start, and when their last-ditch clearances failed them Tom - Berocca and Ibuprofen now fully infused in his trembling veins - or later, Mike, were on hand to mop up.
Retainers did have a chance to salvage a point, however. Having finally broken through the wall when Barely relaxed at 8-6 up, to put the game back in the balance at 8-7. They pressured for the last five minutes, and the final action of the game saw them head narrowly over - one could not have begrudged Retainers a point from this game, but directly after this miss time was called. Both teams shook hands on the conclusion of the kind of football game that's missing from the Premier League (ie riddled with mistakes) that was played in very good spirits by both sides.
It was an excellent second half performance from Barely, and it seems almost a shame to give the man of the match award to an individual; except for the fact most people thought Jim Banton deserved it - never stopped running, scored one, laid a couple on. Congratulations to him, and the team as a whole. Nobody scored less than 9/10 in the Barely Reporter's eyes, and in the second half the team were more than the sum of it's parts: ten out of ten, Barely.
Monday 16 January 2012
Vets put down by Barely
CL AXA Vets 4 Barely Athletic 5
Goal: Nick
Defence: Andy, Batts, Danny, Colin
Midfield: Lefils, Mike, Richie, Sam
Attack: Jim S, Jim B
Sub: Jay.
After the Barely Reporter missing the last two Barely games (a win and defeat), we were finally able to send a correspondent along on Sunday:
This was one of those times where the hoary old cliché about a game of two halves actually rang true. Barely obliterated the vets in the opening 45 minutes, going in at half-time 5-1 up. But the second half saw AXA surge back into contention in a match that had a little of everything...
Despite midfield stalwarts Jacko and Sir Jim being absent, Barely started with a strong line-up. Mike started alongside Richie in midfield and embarked on a series of ball-winning tackles as the teams sized each other up. Barely thought they'd opened the scoring when Jim S turned the ball back and Jim B bundled the ball in at the near post. But the AXA linesman ruled the ball had gone out of play, much to the former's disdain; and the seed was sown for a rumbling sub-plot that saw Jim S taking out Lefils' usual role as arch-villain to the opposition (what happened to Fizzy? We'll check the alignment of planets and get back to you). And when Jim scored moments later he did seem to enjoy it with a little extra relish.
AXA hit back within moments. They burst through down the left flank and, though Nick pulled off a diving save, the ball fell invitingly for an onrushing attacker, who prodded in. At this stage, though it was a little feisty, there was no indication of the extended drama about to unfold. But Jim S got things moving very quickly as he weaved through the AXA back line and plonked the ball past the athletic AXA keeper. 2-1 to Barely, with the match still in it's infancy.
Barely moved up through the gears. If they had started unhabitually strongly, they grew even more so as a sweeping move put them 3-1 up. It started with Richie, went through Jim S and Jim B, and the latter unselfishly cut the ball back for Richie to volley in as he broke into the box. Like a goal you'd see on telly, as Danny put it later. Not done yet, Richie and Lefils combined on the Barely right to send over a cross, that having eluded the leaping Jim B, was volleyed in by Sam at the far post. His wife kindly made the all goal all the more memorable later by reminding him that he hadn't scored in about 3 years - it's nice to have this kind of thoughtful support away from the pitch.
Another left-flank cross was curiously bounced down by the otherwise safe-handed AXA goalie, and Richie was right in front of him and poked the ball into the net. 5-1 at half-time, and the game looked over.
But cool-headed Danny warned against complacency, noting that the Vets had a strong subs bench itching to come on. Jim B took to the line as Jay came on in his stead; Mike went between the sticks and Nick went on the right wing as Lefils moved into the middle alongside Richie.
AXA posted intent early on though as Barely came back from the break a little sluggishly, pressurising the Barely goal and drawing last-ditch interventions from Batts and Colin in particular. Mike, with his trimmed goatee and tweed cap looking like he was a shotgun short of a gamekeeper outfit, also plucked a couple of crosses out of the air as AXA bore down on the Barely goal. Curiously though, it was having seen off the early storm that Barely suddenly gave away two cheap goals in succession - both of them coming as Barely neglected several opportunities to 'get rid', perhaps coasting slightly on their large lead. But it wasn't a large lead any more, at 5-3 the AXA tails were up.
But again Barely began to pressure, several times breaking into the AXA box only to spurn the openings. And the huge space they were leaving in the middle of the park as AXA countered would have had Alan Hansen spitting out his coffee, if he had been interested/present/drinking coffee. What's more, the ongoing argument Jim S was having with the AXA back line and the ref came to an abrupt end when he kicked the ball away before AXA could take their throw-in. The ref, with an explosion of very unpartisan language, demanded Danny take him off, and after an extended discussion between all parties in the centre circle, Jim S did indeed make way for Jim B's return. The 'sending off' meant Jim S was now running the line, where the ref made a point of ignoring his calls for the rest of the game.
Meantime Barely were still on top with Jay in particular running AXA ragged - but they just didn't look like scoring. And with ten minutes remaining, AXA put the frighteners on the away team with a cracking shot over Mike's head from the edge of the box putting the score at 5-4 to Barely. But despite the nerves, and AXA's impressive comeback, that's the way the scores stayed and Barely pick up the precious points.
Man of the Match went to Richie but we're sure he'd agreed that - the two silly goals aside - it was a great team performance.
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