Barely Victory Marred By Alleged Political Correctness

Three points undermined by Mike's refusal to toe the homophobic line:

Pass Masters 3 Barely Athletic 5

Unable to despatch a correspondant to what was something of a make or break game, the Barely Reporter relied on player feedback for this match, a notoriously big ask from a bunch of genius mavericks who have no time for rules, deadlines, or petty trivialities, like letting us know what the line up was for instance.

Nevertheless from various clues we can deduce the following: NIck was in goal, Steve P was also present but nursing various parts of his anatomy after being used as a chair, Tom was there, Rich B was there, and goals came from Lefils (also present) Andy (ditto) Richie C (we assume he must have been there), Tom and Rich B. Rich 'Action' Jackson was also hypothesised to have scored; but the midfield dynamo admitted 'in my dreams'. In which case we must also record several other goals that players have dreamt, making the ethereal score more like 11-6 to Barely. Either way, it amounts to a victory and a well-deserved one having been two-one, and then three-two down during the course of the first half. A man-marking job on the Pass Masters striker by Andy in the second half shackled the danger and freed up Barely to move in for the kill, which they did.

However, post-game the mood turned sour when Mike snubbed a long line of sexually insular footballing tradition and apparently openly embraced the idea of sharing this boisterious-heterosexuals world with 'the other', setting the proverbial cat among the pigeons. Despite the uproar, no-one has been willing to go into detail, though hints have been dropped that crisps were involved. Prawn Cocktail crisps, to be precise. Footballers do have an ability to close ranks when journo's come sniffing around, so we'll just have to wait for several otherwise-banal and drably-titled memoirs to come out when the cast in this particular act finally hang up their boots.

Until then, we have football.


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Breaking news in the Barely Reporter office - apparently Mike's defence of the realm was merely a sub-plot in the Steve-versus-Tom family conflict that broke out post-game. Tom's sexuality was questioned, as was Sam's (not present) who has since said he is flattered, but married and often too tired for that kind of thing anyway.