No Way Past Retaining Wall

Retainers 6 Barely Athletic 2

Goal: Nick

Defence: Batts, Ian, Danny, Colin

Midfield: Lefils, Dwez, Richie, Sam

Attack: Mike, Jim

Subs: Alex, Jim 2, Mani

Though the sun shone down on a celestial morning, a chilly wind blew through Barely's fortunes, and try as they might they simply could not get warm. They were given the shivers by a robust and and tidy Retainers side who showed why they've only lost one game this season as they swept Barely aside with a clinical performance.

Despite missing midfield anchors Rich Jackson and James Fry, this was a strong Barely line-up, but they didn't begin well, enduring a good 20 minutes of pressure from the home side without creating any real chances of note themselves. However, they didn't concede either, and were mathematically at least well in the game. Perversely they began to play better having finally let in the opening goal, but a couple of slightly wayward headers aside they created few chances, and limped into half-time having conceded twice more, lost Ian to a back injury and been forced to reshuffle, with Dwez now pulled back to central defence and Alex taking his place in the middle of the park.

It was, in all fairness, a bit of a cack display from Barely. They were allowing the Retainer's big number 6 acres of space to turn with the ball, and on the right Colin and Sam seemed to be engaged in a competition to see who could infuriate Fizzy the most with a series of wayward passes. Rich Batten brought Jim (2) on at right-back and Mani went on the left wing; Lefils pushing up alongside the isolated Jim. Everyone resolved to play a bit better in the second-half, and lo and behold the next goal went to Barely. A beauty it was too, after pinging a few passes around the outside of the area Fizzy put Jim (1) through on the right and his cross was met with a deft glancing header from the manager, Batts. "Like something off the telly" as Danny succinctly put it later.

However, like an errant knight who celebrates his treasure haul too early, Barely awoke the dragon. The goal galvanised Retainers. They moved up through the gears and smashed in three more goals - albeit two of them with some fortune; a mis-hit cross and a deflection in off Jim (2) - and though Barely did add another goal of their own, through Richie's 20yard daisy-cutter, the writing was on the wall. And the writing said "that's three points up the shitter".

At least Barely finished the game with no further injuries, but they will need to better this performance if they're to gain the one point they need from the last four games.

Dwez, the only player who seemed capable of dominating the ball on the day, cake-walked the Man of the Match award with seven votes; Richie was a distant runner-up and Jim (2) registered third place. Other positives were Mike positioned in the centre - he won a lot of headers there - and the fact that Barely could apportion a small amount of blame to the pitch, which was really bobbly. Though as they say in the hurly-burly of the FA Cup, when your team crashes out to lowly opposition on a mud-bath, it was "the same for both sides".