Bathelona leave Barely washed out

Bathelona 5 Barely Athletic 2

Goal: Andy

Defence: Sam, Tom, Phil, Danny

Midfield: Steve, Jacko, Jim, Richie

Attack: Ioan, Lefils

Subs: Mani, Chris, Mike, Nick, Paul, Rich B

Spectators: Dave, Bob

If last week's defeat to Easton Monday was a hiccup, this was the subsequent projectile that flies from your mouth and lands in the lap of your bosses wife at an important dinner. All that hard work meeting and exceeding projected targets and facilitating percentiles could be undone by your terrible gaffe. But it's ok, because your boss remembers what a good worker you are and he merely chuckles as he wipes the glacéd cherry from his wifes skirt. However, when it comes to promotion you'll probably be passed over for Geoff in marketing, as he is able to run faster than you.

Which tenuous, nay clumsy analogy, means that Barely lost their last two games but it should not detract from a good season. Last night at the Fry's club they had a record turnout of 17 players chomping at the bit. Sadly though they were made to look a bit carthorsey against a fit and more than competent Bathelona side.

With Steve playing through the pain-bump with an injured hand, Richie called for volunteers to go in goal. After much impromptu lace-tying and thousand-yard-staring, Andy volunteered to do a half and impressed no end. Coming down with outfield players, the Barely man-manager and left-wing dynamo went with the options above and the subs spent the early portion of the game probably chomping slightly less with each successive minute.

Barely began badly, however this for a change was not their traditional just-out-bed approach to the game but purely Bathelona's energy and verve. Nonetheless Barely were their own worst enemies when a low ball escaped the whole defence and was converted deftly to give Bathelona an early lead.

But the game had only just begun and despite their haggard demeanour Barely knew they were capable of better and set about realising it. Bathelona, hitherto happy to attack, began to find their defence called to use, and the keeper even made a save or two. But when Richie swung in a corner he couldn't stop Phil prodding the ball in at the far post for his first of the season.

Could Barely capitalise on the change of fortune? Could they bollocks. It was the end-to-end Phil who went from hero to slightly less than hero when he felled an attacker in the box. No arguments about the penalty (though the Barely reporter will, in sour-grapes fashion, tell readers of the blatant handball by Bathelona seconds earlier that the ref ignored) and no problems despatching it. Andy did well to get a hand to the ball but the power took it into the net. Barely were wobbling and Fizzy was beginning to lose his fragile temper.

Richie brought off Steve and Paul came onto the right wing. His impact was immediate, both physically and verbally. He also began marking the Barely left-winger leaving Sam free to push on and join the fray further forward, which Sam was particularly pleased about. But Barely, despite playing better as the game wore on, found themselves 3-1 down by the break when a corner swerved directly into Andy's goal - again, Andy got to the ball but the pace took it in. And things might have been worse but for a couple of splendid tip-overs from Andy, who may find himself occupying the sticks again next season if he's not careful.

There were a flurry of half-time changes that are too complex to go into detail over, but basically Chris was now at right back and Nick in goal. Mani was up front with Lefils.

But the second half started terribly when Barely seemed to move in slow-motion as Bathelona cut a swathe down their right and lobbed the ball in the net past a speechless Nick. 4-1 now, and dreams of a draw for Barely looked to be ebbing away like their memories of youth. Bathelona stepped up their game and time and again Barely were clearing their lines with Danny, more comfortable now at centre-back, prominent with a series of headers and interceptions. However, Barely capitalised with the most nonchalent of finishes from Mani when he scooped the ball over the advancing keeper while under pressure from defenders. Mani does a nice line in trotting away insouciantly.

Highlights from the rest of the game: Mike's half-cartwheel and ankle-flick in the box. Nick's langorously dynamic diving save. Sam being told off for his linesmanship by a member of the opposition's wife. And the Herculean man-of-the-match performance by Richie, who eventually subbed himself from exhaustion. Bathelona's fifth was a nice finish too, which kind of rubbed salt in Barely's wounds after their efforts, but even taking into account a largely one-eyed refereeing performance Bathelona were worthy winners and hope now to go on and defeat Easton Monday to take the title. That game will be an interesting battle.

Next up: the Barely Masters Golf Tournament this weekend, as players relax from the season's strains by thwacking a ball hundreds of yards at a time. Reports will follow.... as will team photos and stats galore from our resident facts man.