Barely a report

Mystery Team 3 - 1 Barely Athletic

Gareth

Mark         Kev         Batts 

Sam         Jim S        Paul L       Roly         Paul T

Sandy

Subs: Lefils, Mike, someone else

The Barely Athletic Reporter is disorganised at the best of times, but on this occasion we have to confess we don't know the name of the opposition, and have quite possibly got quite a few Barely players names' wrong. There was definitely a third sub as well. Subs were rolling so regularly we can't be sure the above line up actually started the game either - but all of them featured at some point.

It was an unfamiliar line-up on an unfamiliar ground - with Barely down to half a team, Batts roped in half of his neighbourhood and Paul Loftus Casuals veteran Roly. Barely began with a 3-5-2, changed to a 4-4-2, then mixed things up a bit with a kind of celibate-amoeba formation toward the end.

They played pretty well in terms of possession, but - perhaps due to the unfamiliarity - didn't really test the keeper in the first half, and came off with a 3-0 deficit as the opposition played some good stuff through the middle of the park.

The second half was mainly notable for Roly's contribution - as Paul Tovey flicked one of Mike's big throw-ins on, he - aptly - rolled his marker, and finished adroitly inside the far post to give Barely a glimmer of hope. The away team surged like hopeful teenagers at a school disco, but then slumped back against the wall five minutes later as they ran out of energy/testosterone/hope.

A muggy day saw everyone drenched in sweat despite the comparatively sedate pace, and Barely walked off the pitch grateful for the end of a hard season.

As seems appropriate for this report, we don't know who man of the match was.

A Game of Two Half 'Penarth

Barely Athletic 5 - 5 Penarth

Gareth

Nick       Lewis       Batts         Colin

Sam       Mike        Chris        Darren

Paul T

Jim S

Sub: John T

The sun was scorching the earth as Barely and Penarth trotted out for an end of season friendly on the final day of the Premier League. As 20 teams of millionaires trotted out to fulfil mostly-meaningless fixtures, the game to be at was at Brunel Academy, where the English of Barely and the Welshmen of Penarth put on one hell of a show.

Batts forewent his preferred 3-5-2 formation, wary of Barely being caught out at the back perhaps. Instead it was a good old-fashioned 4-4-2, with the lesser-spotted Batts (Lewis) partnering his dad at centre-back, and Colin and Nick at full-back.

They were all busy from the outset, as Barely were under pressure from the get-go.  Penarth, who were heading off on a European tour in a few days, clearly hadn't come for a stroll in the park. However they found themselves on the end of a rather unflattering scoreline with half an hour played. First of all Jim S rolled back the years when he harassed the Penarth back line into a mistake and did the rest himself: 1-0 Barely. Then Lewis - who if he rolled back too many years might find himself with a mouthful of breast milk - showed that his extended absenteeism from Barelyworld had not diminished his ability, as he took possession in his own half and accelerated all the way down the pitch before rounding the keeper and putting Barely two up.

Then when Sam danced around a challenge just inside the box and finished with aplomb to make it 3-0, it looked like Barely had the game by the scruff of the neck. Unfortunately though, Penarth slipped out of their collars and - as Barely collectively made like a bulb manufacturer on a bank holiday and switched off - the team from Wales surged back to level terms just in time for Barely to troop off for the break with their feet full of holes.

One stirring speech - more of a telling-off, actually - later, and the team took to the pitch determined to make amends. That they did, when after a period of shadow-boxing, Paul Tovey rolled his marker in the box - the attendant challenge came in, bringing him down, and Tovey himself converted the penalty to put Barely back in charge. But, like a triumphant child waving his ice cream around on a hot day, Barely's tears were nearly guaranteed. A defender was in close attendance to the Penarth left-winger when the cross came in, but he still managed to steer a header in at the fast post with Gareth grasping at air.

Nick went in goal and Gareth came out for the last 20 minutes for a rarely-seen run-out in midfield. he immediately made his presence felt in the Barely box, causing the one of the few real flare-ups of the game - another came from the unlikely source of Sam scything down the Pennarth left-back, as both teams looked to pile on the pressure.

Then Jim, Darren rolled the years back like a protesting tin of sardines to put Barely in front once more. Unfortuntely nobody at the pub could recall the goal -probably the sun - but we were pretty sure Jim scored it, which wasn't exactly fair on Darren - fortunately the eagle-memoried Paul Tovey (see comments below) was around to right footballing wrongs. Either way, Pennarth came back again; their classy midfielder firing an unstoppable shot from just outside the box to guarantee that neither side would end with a win.

There was no man of the match vote, but Batts and Darren both said Sam deserved it, and nobody argued hard enough to stop him imagining the champagne bubbling all over his face.

Voyage of Discovery

Voyager 3 - 2 Barely Athletic

Gareth

Colin      Batts       John T

Sam        Chris       Paul L      Jim S        Adam

Nick       Lefils

Subs: Darren, Laurie, Mike, Danny

The last game of the season ended in disappointment for Barely, where despite their late pressure, they were unable to find an equaliser that would have perhaps reflected the balance of play overall.

Batts went with his favoured 3-5-2 formation and from the outset it seemed to suit the personnel. Early pressure however came from the home side, and the Barely back line had to be alert: Colin in particular seemed to be rather busy with a series of interceptions and clearances.

At the other end Barely weren't yet at the races, and Batts made early changes with Mike and Darren coming on to freshen things up. But the most the away team could manage before half-tie was a couple testing crosses that didn't quite result in anything positive, and a crunching challenge by Chris on the midfielder who was starting to dictate terms for Voyager. At the other end the walls had been breached, however, and the idea of signing off the season with a win looked depressingly distant as Voyager twice beat non-existent offside traps to saunter into the Barely box and plant the ball past a despairing Gareth.

It was a shame, because although Voyager had their moments and certainly could play some nice football, both goals were to an extent gifted them. So no formation change from Batts, and Barely trotted out for the second half determined to make a better showing.

That they did, with the mounting pressure from the away team finally telling when Sam swivelled to belt Darren's low cross into the net via the goalkeeper's outstretched hand. 2-1, and Barely back in it. But before you could say keep it tight, Voyager's two-goal lead was re-established, a whipped cross from the right headed in from about a yard out. And it might have been worse but for a great save from Gareth, getting down quickly to palm a low shot away.

Barely fought back, and a delightful team effort brought them a second: Chris released Sam down the right and he pulled the ball back for Jim to tuck away, bringing Barely straight back into contention.

But score-wise, that was that. Barely pushed and pushed and several players got a shot or two away only to see them charged down by a resolute Voyager back line. The only other feature of note was a running debate between the Barely forward line and the Voyager linesman: he did seem to be favouring his own defence, but it all got a bit silly and un-Barely-like, resulting in some feisty challenges in a game that was otherwise played in good spirit.

Man of the Match was shared between Chris, Paul and Jim, with a smattering of other names coming up too. And with that the season came crashing to a close, like the curtain closing on a comedian whose final one-liner has fallen flat. We've been Barely Athletic - goodnight.

Sun shines on the righteous!

Chew 1 Barely Legends 5

At kick off Barely arrived with 10 men with Lefils Essome having had a serious night out calling at 10.10 am to say he was sober enough to play.

The game started with Batts playing a 3-5-1 formation, leaving Dazza as lone striker.

                                                             Gareth

                                                  Colin    Mike     Laurie

                                    Alistair    Alex    Chris    Batts    John T

                                                             Dazza

Chew belied their lowly status peppering crosses into the box but with poor finishing . After 30 mins Lefils arrived and we reverted to 3-5-2.  Batts put a through ball to Lefils who then ran across the pitch left to right, turning down all invitations to pass and slotted away with aplomb.

Half time arrived and with the slope in our favour we stayed at 3-5-2 and took the game to Chew. Gareth and the back 3 kept the Chew team at bay but then disaster as Gareth Lewis allowed a deep cross from nearly the byline to dip into the net. 1.1.

Batts then told the boys to knuckle down and play the ball on the floor around the dithering Chew defence. Then Chris played the ball through to Batts who nodded through to John Trimble who was one on one with the keeper.

No problem: John slotted in 2.1, and in the process became the eldest Barely Player to score a goal over taking John Rossetti. 

Chris then plowed in another from close range: 3.1 and Chew knew the game was up. Lefils had time to hit the bar before Dazza rounded the last defender and slotted in 4.1. Gareth still had to make a few quick clearances and Chris and Alistair decided to play keep ball down the right which resulted in Lefils earning a penalty... Batts ran the whole length of the pitch and grabbed the ball. 

The quickest he had been all game on one leg. The keeper was given the eyes. Batts kissed the ball and stroked it into the net Richard Cormack take note. 5.1

It has to be said that Chew were a good footballing side that just ran out of steam.

Man of the match was Gareth for without his resilient net tending and booming goal kicks the scoreline would have taken a very different appearance.....

But at the Bear in they plied us with chips and roasted potatoes - can we play them every week?

The Hundred Club

Barely Athletic 0 Cardiff Accies 1

Gareth

Colin       Danny       Batts      Laurie

Al        Paul L        Richie          Sam

Adam        Darren

Subs: John R, Mike

What a shame that for the hundredth post on this blog Barely couldn't hang on for a winner!

However, a hard-fought 89 minutes followed by an at-the-death capitulation does seem more apt. Possibly they threw the three points away, in a gallant and sacrificial nod to thematically-appropriate results.

Batts started with a 4-4-2 with Adam and Darren leading the line. Cardiff went for the same formation. From the get-go the game had a high tempo with both teams looking to break quickly. However both back lines were in unforgiving mood, and neither keeper had much to do for long periods. When Gareth was called upon the Accies efforts were fortunately straight to him. What he did offer though was a willingness to come for crosses and, breaking with Barely tradition, reach them. Only Mike would even attempt anything like that.

With the teams fighting out a tediously dull tactically tense stalemate Batts began rolling the substitutions, taking off Danny - who'd taken a knock - and putting Mike in at centre-back. The big guy was involved quickly and rose to the challenge - often literally. Despite never looking like a man in a hurry Mike was regularly first to the ball as the occasional attack from Cardiff broke down.

At the other end it was the same story, and Batts shook things up a bit at half-time, going to 3-5-2 to give Barely an edge in midfield. But despite seeing more of the ball, Barely simply couldn't seem to break through and give the Cardiff goalkeeper any meaningful work. Adam, Batts and Sam all had half-chances they put either over or wide, and other efforts were charged down. And when Cardiff finally got past the Barely defense at the other end, they found Gareth well-positioned and with safe hands. The game had all the workings of a drab shrewdly-balanced nil-nil, until that is the inevitable happened and Barely succumbed to a cross.

With the clocking ticking down to 90 minutes Barely cleared a corner only to have it come straight back at them. It was nodded on in the box, and at the far post an attacker nodded it deftly down and over the line - despite the attentions of Colin and the presence of Sam and Gareth on the line.

With the wind out of their sails Barely pushed for an equaliser in the last few seconds, but it simply wasn't on the cards today. They didn't deserve to win, but even the most biased Accie would probably admit they were unlucky to lose.

The team trooped off with heads hung low - a real gutting result compared to last week's fateful penalty shoot-out, which despite knocking them out of the cup had felt like a great performance. Paul, Batts and Richie picked up some votes but Gareth was a resounding man of the match.

Cup Half Full

Mathern 2 - 2 Barely Athletic 

Mathern tragically win on penalties

Mike

Colin           Batts           Danny             Laurie

Sam           Paul L           Paul Tovey        Richie          Paul Taverna

Adam

Rolling subs: Nick, John R, Al, Jim S, Chris

It was a beautiful day for football as Barely headed west over the Severn for a date with destiny. Sadly destiny hadn't put her glad-rags on on this occasion, but more of that later. The pressing question for Barely was whether they could put on a better showing than the last half an hour of the last time they played Mathern, when they seemed hell-bent on self-destruction.

The early showing proved such worries unfounded as Batts' 4-5-1 system put Barely into an unconventional position of, if not exactly lording it, then at least shading things in midfield. If they could only match their possession stats and approach play with a finish before their weaknesses for conceding from crosses struck agai--- whoops! There goes a bullet header from a corner in to the back off the net. With only a quarter an hour or so played, Barely's steely resolve had been bent like Uri Geller's most regularly employed teaspoon. 

They tried to get back into it and almost did so spectacularly when Richie's 25-yarder thumped into the base of the post before cannoning back into play. But a bad start got worse when Sam dawdled to the touchline, attempting to shepherd the ball out of play for a throw. He was swiftly dispossessed and in a matter of seconds the ball was in the Barely net a second time, a low finish giving Mike no chance. 

Half-time arrived with Barely feeling fully still at the races, albeit with an uphill climb to the final furlong. They lost the combative Paul Loftus to a long-distance air flight needing a pilot, but received the silky skills of Jim Siemens as worthy consolation. With Batts rolling the subs on and off at a regular basis, Barely stayed reasonably fresh for the second half - something of a rarity these days.

fresh

The second half contained so many offside calls against Barely the linesman is probably bathing his right arm in ice right now. How accurate they were or weren't was debated at length. Probably too long. Either way, Barely continued in the vein they left off - Mike for the most part unflustered as Batts and Danny marshalled the defence. Chris unfortunately tweaked his hamstring again and had to retreat to the position of official photographer, so Adam took a spell in central midfield whilst Colin, Al and Sam rotated positions on the right and Nick and Laurie took turns at left-back.

fast

All the chopping and changing might have bamboozled a lesser team, but no, Barely like change as much as the penny arcade man does, and they rolled with the punches . They were right back in it, too, when a defender bizarrely punched the ball away at a corner - the eagle-eyed ref spotted it, and Paul Tovey tucked the ball away from the penalty spot to make the score more competitive: 2-1 Mathern.

Tovey!

Only minutes later Barely were level. A somewhat soft free-kick was given but with Jim S in merciless mood, maximum punishment was dealt out as he sent a pearl of a dead ball execution into the top of the net with the keeper beaten: 2-2.

Now what? The subs and the collective effort from all the Barely players meant a capitulation in the style of the 5-5 draw a few weeks ago was never on the cards. Could they grab a winner in the ninety minutes? As it turned out, no, although half-chances were manufactured and John Rossetti attempted a tricky near-post header that sailed a yard over.

So, to the lottery that is penalty kicks. With his family watching on from the sidelines, Paul Tovey tucked away his second penalty of the day to put Barely one up. Sam scored the second. Jim S's effort was never going to miss. But in-between times the crappy, fateful brutality of penalties hit Barely hard, with Richie hitting one post and Nick the other. Colin's effort was struck with power, but sailed a foot over the bar.

Jim!

Thankfully Mathern also missed a couple, but they made no mistake at the death, with the winning penalty billowing the net like an angry turd fired into a half-inflated hot-air balloon.

With that moment Barely's cup hopes were crushed. Mathern will march on to the final as Barely return their attentions to the league, and the possibility of not finishing bottom. It was their fourth draw in a row with the team from Wales, but despite the end, the team remained upbeat. They had, after all, just surged back from 2-0 down away from home to end honours even, and been a post's whisker from knocking Mathern out before sudden death loomed. 

Man of the Match voting was widely spread as you might expect, with many names garnering a vote. But the rapid, slaloming runs of Paul Taverna gave Mathern a headache on their right flank (- if that's possible) and he nipped ahead of Batts and Richie to claim the gong. 

Overall then, Barely exited the cup with bodies weary but heads held high. A cup half-full indeed.

A Swift two halfs

Swift 4 Barely 2

A beautifully crisp Sunday morning saw the troops of Barely take on the mighty Swift who boasted 13 players against the 9 Barely regulars plus 2 mates of Richie: Scott and Bradley. 


The game started well with Barely playing 4 5 1 with John Rossetti the loan striker. 


Barely took the game to Swift and found themselves 1-0 up through a slick move from a Cormack corner the ball buried in the net by newcomer Bradley. This was followed up by Dazza bombing down the right wing and smashing the crossbar. Shortly before half time the minute but nimble Swift number 10 made the game level with a neat finish onto the bottom corner. 

Half time arrived and a buoyant but tiring Barely trooped off for a breather and to regalvanise. It has to be said that Mike and Danny put a decent shift on goal with Mike in particular making a finger tips save to keep the scores level.

The second half started with Dazza in goal and Mike returning to central defence. 

Barely started well and found themselves 2.1 up after some good interplay between Cormack and Rossetti ending up with Chris drilling a shot beyond their keeper. Chris was honest enough to admit he was going for the far corner, but contrived to curl it in off the near post. 

Swift were changing subs religiously every 15 minutes and unfortunately Barely boasted an empty bench nevertheless Rossetti and Batts had chances to make it 3-1 before Swift sucker-punched. A long ball over the top was majestically controlled by that Swift no 10 who placed the ball beyond Dazza. And then 5 minutes later the same ball over the top confused Scott and Mike, as they both went for the same ball and collided leaving the Swift no 9 with a tap-in past Dazza. Colin went between the sticks for the last 15 minutes, and had the pleasure of picking the ball out of the net when the no 10 finished the game with a deserved hat trick. 

Suffice to say Barely played well and peppered the Swift goal throughout the 90 minutes and there were certainly a lot of positives to be taken from the game.

Thanks to Swift for the pre Cup work out and well done to all who played .

report by Batts