Barely Athletic FC

Vets put down by Barely

2012-01-16T10:28:00.007Z

CL AXA Vets 4 Barely Athletic 5

Goal: Nick

Defence: Andy, Batts, Danny, Colin

Midfield: Lefils, Mike, Richie, Sam

Attack: Jim S, Jim B

Sub: Jay.

After the Barely Reporter missing the last two Barely games (a win and defeat), we were finally able to send a correspondent along on Sunday:

This was one of those times where the hoary old cliché about a game of two halves actually rang true. Barely obliterated the vets in the opening 45 minutes, going in at half-time 5-1 up. But the second half saw AXA surge back into contention in a match that had a little of everything...

Despite midfield stalwarts Jacko and Sir Jim being absent, Barely started with a strong line-up. Mike started alongside Richie in midfield and embarked on a series of ball-winning tackles as the teams sized each other up. Barely thought they'd opened the scoring when Jim S turned the ball back and Jim B bundled the ball in at the near post. But the AXA linesman ruled the ball had gone out of play, much to the former's disdain; and the seed was sown for a rumbling sub-plot that saw Jim S taking out Lefils' usual role as arch-villain to the opposition (what happened to Fizzy? We'll check the alignment of planets and get back to you). And when Jim scored moments later he did seem to enjoy it with a little extra relish.

AXA hit back within moments. They burst through down the left flank and, though Nick pulled off a diving save, the ball fell invitingly for an onrushing attacker, who prodded in. At this stage, though it was a little feisty, there was no indication of the extended drama about to unfold. But Jim S got things moving very quickly as he weaved through the AXA back line and plonked the ball past the athletic AXA keeper. 2-1 to Barely, with the match still in it's infancy.

Barely moved up through the gears. If they had started unhabitually strongly, they grew even more so as a sweeping move put them 3-1 up. It started with Richie, went through Jim S and Jim B, and the latter unselfishly cut the ball back for Richie to volley in as he broke into the box. Like a goal you'd see on telly, as Danny put it later. Not done yet, Richie and Lefils combined on the Barely right to send over a cross, that having eluded the leaping Jim B, was volleyed in by Sam at the far post. His wife kindly made the all goal all the more memorable later by reminding him that he hadn't scored in about 3 years - it's nice to have this kind of thoughtful support away from the pitch.

Another left-flank cross was curiously bounced down by the otherwise safe-handed AXA goalie, and Richie was right in front of him and poked the ball into the net. 5-1 at half-time, and the game looked over.

But cool-headed Danny warned against complacency, noting that the Vets had a strong subs bench itching to come on. Jim B took to the line as Jay came on in his stead; Mike went between the sticks and Nick went on the right wing as Lefils moved into the middle alongside Richie.

AXA posted intent early on though as Barely came back from the break a little sluggishly, pressurising the Barely goal and drawing last-ditch interventions from Batts and Colin in particular. Mike, with his trimmed goatee and tweed cap looking like he was a shotgun short of a gamekeeper outfit, also plucked a couple of crosses out of the air as AXA bore down on the Barely goal. Curiously though, it was having seen off the early storm that Barely suddenly gave away two cheap goals in succession - both of them coming as Barely neglected several opportunities to 'get rid', perhaps coasting slightly on their large lead. But it wasn't a large lead any more, at 5-3 the AXA tails were up.

But again Barely began to pressure, several times breaking into the AXA box only to spurn the openings. And the huge space they were leaving in the middle of the park as AXA countered would have had Alan Hansen spitting out his coffee, if he had been interested/present/drinking coffee. What's more, the ongoing argument Jim S was having with the AXA back line and the ref came to an abrupt end when he kicked the ball away before AXA could take their throw-in. The ref, with an explosion of very unpartisan language, demanded Danny take him off, and after an extended discussion between all parties in the centre circle, Jim S did indeed make way for Jim B's return. The 'sending off' meant Jim S was now running the line, where the ref made a point of ignoring his calls for the rest of the game.

Meantime Barely were still on top with Jay in particular running AXA ragged - but they just didn't look like scoring. And with ten minutes remaining, AXA put the frighteners on the away team with a cracking shot over Mike's head from the edge of the box putting the score at 5-4 to Barely. But despite the nerves, and AXA's impressive comeback, that's the way the scores stayed and Barely pick up the precious points.

Man of the Match went to Richie but we're sure he'd agreed that - the two silly goals aside - it was a great team performance.

Bathelona win the Battle of Keynsham

2011-11-08T10:23:00.005Z

Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, directed by Abel Ferrera, starring some coked-up scientologists, this was a game that lived up to the billing. It had everything you want in a game, and a couple of the things you don't, but as the crowds dispersed it was clear that this was one of those "where were you when" moments - the Kennedy assassination, the Twin Towers, Peter Beagrie going past the same player 4 times, and Bathelona beating Barely Athletic 6-5.

Goal: Nick

Defence: Colin, Batts, Chris, Jim

Midfield: Sam, Alex, Mike, Andy

Attack: Lefils, Jim S

Sub/Ref: Danny

Before the game new manager (one of 'em) Danny selected the team and sacrificed himself to the bench, not only depriving himself of the first half but also taking the whistle. The back four lined up as above, and they were soon at the centre of proceedings as Bathelona started like a team in form, their pass-and-move ethos putting Barely's huff-and-puff slightly in the shade. And sure enough, the game was in it's infancy when Bathelona found the back of the net, scything through the massed Barely ranks like a cold-hearted killer gunning down fleeing, terrified footballers - before kicking the ball into the net, really hard.

However, if Bathelona thought they had the measure of Barely, they had reckoned without the equally-cold-hearted finishing of Jim and Lefils up front - who were not in the mood to spurn any opportunities, no matter how flimsy they might have appeared to the mere mortals further back in the formation. First, Jim picked his spot from the right to pummel the ball into the net and bring Barely back on level terms: 1:1. And when Nick could only push a low shot into the net and Bathelona went ahead again, Lefils pulled the same trick from the left. 2:2.

Barely began to believe, and the head of steam this old loco can sometimes brew up when the mood takes was beginning to scorch the Bathelona back line. Jim found some space in the middle and side-footed goalwards - saved! No matter. Jim collected the rebound and calmly slotted in, showing a coolness of head most Barely players only achieve when wellying the ball out for a throw-in. Barely were, somewhat astonishingly, 3:2 up. And for the first time Bathelona were rattled; misplacing passes, allowing themselves to be tackled as Sam and Andy pushed on from the wings to augment the forward line and Mike and Alex won everything in midfield. This correspondent remains convinced that had Barely scored again before half-time to go two goals up, the match was theirs.

But who knows? Because neither team was willing to crumble. Danny put himself in goal for the second half as Colin - serial tackle-winner - took the whistle. Nick went right-wing and Sam dropped to right back. The second half began at a lively tempo, but it wasn't quite the classic punch-and-counter-punch of the first. Yet.

Barely were living on their nerves, however, as Bathelona's encroachment neared the goal-line. Danny pulled off a couple of saves, Sam blocked on the line, and they were grateful when a Bathelona attacker spring past Danny only to hit the side-netting. Then finally: the goal.

But it's hard to say exactly how the goal came, as so many followed it. Having broken the Barely dam, Bathelona found it increasingly easy to do so again, and again Barely were grateful for the sublime finishing of Jim and Lefils in attack. Every time Bathelona went in front - 3-4, 4-5 - they found an equaliser as the game became stretched. Tempers were also stretched, as Lefils and his opposite number began a running battle that more and more people became involved in in an attempt to shut them both up. Jim got his hat-trick from a hotly-debated sublime chip/random welly forrward from Chris, who'd moved into midfield.

Bathelona went ahead again when a cut-back from the by-line was converted - however the Barely defence was convinced the ball had gone out - but with no linesman on the left, Colin allowed the goal to stand. Lefils' reply caused a similar debate, as this time the Bathelona defence insisted his finish from the left (in off a defender) had also gone over the line. This time there was a linesman - Bathelona's - but he wasn't keeping up with play and again the goal stood. The match was becoming a little fractious by now, which was a shame as both teams obviously set out to play the right way, but any post-match debate as to the rights and wrongs of a draw were spared when Bathelona had the last word, a third long-range finish over the now-injured-and-in-goal Alex to seal the points. Barely simply had no time to come back from this one, and the game ended with a defeat for the boys in black and yellow.

Man of the match was a hard one to call after such a humungous effort against a very good team, but Batts pipped Jim to the gong after a series of high-speed last-ditch tackles let Bathelona know this would be no stroll in the park.

So, the new regime begins with a defeat, but managers Danny, Mike and Colin will be happy with the attitude. For Barely, this particular blockbuster doesn't have a happy ending - but there's room for a sequel.

Season Opener Finds Barely Shut Out

2011-09-19T09:15:00.004Z

Barely Athletic 1 Mathern 3

Goal: Matt

Defence: Ian, Batts, Danny, Colin

Midfield: Fisch, Richie C, Mike G, Sam

Attack: Lefils, Jim

Sub: Sean

Finally the season is here, but any burgeoning optimism about the coming campaign was flattened by a bruising encounter with Mathern, who came back from a goal down to put Barely comprehensively to the sword.

A reasonably feisty encounter, this; Mathern are one of those sides who gee themselves up by trading insults and run a kind of ongoing critique of each other's failings - and the ref's, and Barely's - throughout the game. The tone was set when Mathern, having delayed the kick-off for over half an hour, told Richie to "fuck off" when he tried to hurry them along. Not quite the Casuals ethos, but whatever.

Barely themselves were, as ever, scratching for numbers, and thankfully Jacko's brother Ian and Matt "the Cat" stepped up to the plate, along with Wednesday regular Fisch making his 11-a-side debut. And Barely looked a decent unit, seeing off some early Mathern pressure to put together a tidy move that ended with Jim sweeping them into the lead from just inside the box.

With Barely on top, Rich took the opportunity to bring on the fresh (and fast) legs of Sean, Sam taking a break on the touchline. Mathern kept the pressure up, however, and though their hopes were oft-dashed on the rocks of Barely obduracy, they found the breakthrough from a corner, a bullet header giving Matt - who moments later pulled off the save of the game, tipping another header over the bar - no chance and the scores at half-time were 1-1.

Second half began with a bit of attack and counter-attack as both teams looked for the breakthrough. Mathern for the time being were forced to try their luck from distance and Matt snapped the efforts up easily. At the other end a great move involving Sean and Richie ended with Jim hitting the ball narrowly wide. Lefils was having a great game but was on the receiving end of some hefty challenges and was becoming increasingly irate - could he keep it together until full-time?

Running personal duels were rendered meaningless however when Mathern finished the game - as they had last season's encounter in Wales - the stronger; firing in not one, but two goals to give them what Barely must concede was a deserved win for their persistence. There was still time for Fizzy and the Mathern number 10 to trade insults at length, and also throw the ball at each other's heads from close-quarters. You don't see women doing THAT in a nightclub, do you? A bit of appreciation for the late drama, everyone please.

Matt shaded the man of the match award with the voting spread wide: Batts, Richie and Mike shared runner-up position, though to be fair there were no weak links today - everyone played very well, but Barely just ran out of air before the 90 minutes were up.

So hats off to Mathern for the win. Wouldn't want to spend Christmas with them, though.

End of Season!

2011-07-18T10:06:00.005Z

Unfortunately the Barely Reporter was unable to attend the end of season bash, as we are currently fighting a legal case with the state over - allegedly - reading an email over somebody's shoulder. But Manager/cajoler-in-chief/left-back Rich Batten was good enough to send us the end of season statistics, which we relate for your delectation below.

Barely Athletic, season results 2010-2011:

P W D L F A Pts Pos

10 5 1 4 23 29 16 4th

Top Five goalscorers:

8 Jim S

4 Manrouf/Rich Batten

2 Lefils/Richie C

Top Three Appearances (out of a possible 9):

9 Rich Batten/Mike Graney

8 Joe Daniel

Players player of the year:

Rich Batten

(runner up Joe 'Danny' Daniel)

Clubman of the Year:

Mike Graney

Manager's player of the year:

"I was torn between Manny who I think has had his best season, Ian, who was an absolute rock at the back and Jacko and Danny who when playing did everything competently. But for his 7 appearances and several man of the match performances.... it's Ian."

Special Award for Motivation:

"Obvious really........Danny!"

Barely can't do the Math

2011-05-23T08:34:00.004Z

Mathern 4 Barely Athletic 2

Goal: Nick

Defence: Sam, Batts, Chris, Ian

Midfield: Mike, Lefils, Jacko, Mani

Attack: Jim, John

Sub: Injured Colin

Lino: Very injured Phil

So, Barely signed off the season, and Rich Batten's last match in charge - save for a coerced u-turn in the face of peer-pressure - with a defeat. But the story of the match was one of defiance as a scratch team containing no less than three newbies - 'Tats' Chris, 'Striker' John and 'Jacko's brother' Ian - put together a performance that belied the threadbare structure. In the end, it was fatigue that did for them, as with 80 minutes on the clock and Mathern subbing like an editor with a late-night deadline, the pressure told.

But it was Barely who twice led, though both goals had an element of luck. The pattern of the game was set as Barely soaked up the Mathern pressure and then counter-attacked at speed; but the goal was down to harrassing the Mathern back-line as Mike forced a defender into an under-hit back pass - and Jim was on it in a flash, belting the ball first time past the keeper.

The game returned to it's normal pattern of to-and-fro, but to be fair Barely were sailing close to the wind on a number of occasions as runners came through from the Mathern midfield and weren't picked up. A combination of blocks, catches from Nick and the odd wayward finish kept Barely ahead, but when Mathern did force the ball in, it felt it had been coming. 1-1.

Again, Barely went ahead, and this time Chris' deep free kick from only ten yards past the halfway line was allowed - bizarrely - to bounce in the box, from where it sailed over the Mathern keeper to put Barely 2-1 up. And it might have been 3-1 had John's snap-shot effort clipped the other side of the post - who knows what that would have done to Mathern? Instead though, they came back off the ropes, and after another period of sustained attacking scored the best goal of the game with a far-post finish after they sliced the Barely back line apart.

Halftime came with the score at 2-2, and Mike and Nick swapped positions with all else staying the same, save for Colin's periodical appearances to give people a breather. But with the wind against Barely in the second half they began on the back foot, and credit to the back line that the opening salvo from Mathern led to nought. Barely eked their way back into the game through the midfield promptings of Lefils and Jacko and the control of Jim upfront.

But the goal wouldn't come for either side, and as the half wore on Mathern used the roll-on subs to good effect, utilising their eighty-four subs at every dead ball to keep their legs fresh. And as the game reached it's closing stages the pressure told when they finally broke through the back line to go ahead for the first time in the game. And having conceded, Barely lost all shape as they went for broke looking for an equaliser, and instead let another one in. It might have been worse - the ref disallowed what looked like a valid goal at 3-2 and Mike produced an astonishing double-block from point-blank range as the Barely collapse took on proportions that were probably visible from space. It was a shame to end a tightly contested match as a bit of a shambles but, as we have noted above, by this time Barely were spent from their valiant efforts, and in that sense it crystallized a stirring season.

Jim took man of the match by a distance, though there were nods to Rich, Fizzy, Chris and Ian. Your correspondent would like to nominate the whole back line for their bellicose obduracy, but perhaps that's because I don't normally play there... anyway, nobody was too down after this, and the Barely Reporter would like to thank Batts (and Nick and Ioan for organisation roles) for taking the management mantle these past two seasons. Barely will finish fourth or fifth and for an aging team who often struggle to get an eleven out, that has to be defined as a roaring success.

Well done everyone.

Ten-Man Barely Turn the Tide

2011-04-10T13:24:00.008Z

Barely Athletic 3 Russell Athletic 2

Goal: Mike

Defence: Colin, Danny, Batts

Midfield: Sam, Richie, Lefils, Jim Banton

Attack: Jim, Ioan

No subs.

An incredible game unfolded at Fry's this morning under blistering April sun. Barely were never more aptly named as they failed to make a scratch eleven; dutifully went two goals down before scoring three in the second half to take all three points and confirm their top-flight status for another year into the bargain. They had a bit of luck, as we shall see, but not enough to outweigh 90 whopping minutes a man short.

Batts from the start elected to go for an attacking line-up, reasoning that defending for 90 minutes wasn't really Barely's forté. So it was a 3-4-3 formation (see above) that took to the field as Barely kicked off. Danny led the three-man back line with Jim Banton and Sam playing as wing-backs, expected to both attack and defend, a novel idea that everyone obviously scoffed at until it transpired the manager was totally serious. Sam and Jim would just have to rise to it.

However it was a sinking feeling Barely felt first, as despite gamely putting on a show and having an equal share of possession - so much so many of the Russell players didn't realise they were a man down - after ten or so minutes Colin was tackled just outside the box and a Russell forward poked the ball past Mike - who got a foot to it - and somewhat forlornly into the net. Early days though, and Colin was to make up for that error, and worm his way into the man of the match reckoning, with a rigorous showing in defence. But - no sooner had Barely begun to feel their way back into the game than a hammer blow came with a second, the ball pinging around in the box like a pinball before finally being hooked over the line for Russell's second. A two-goal lead and definitely the sort of virtual cushion Russell could be forgiven for leaning back on. Barely had one or two chances to pull back, and Sam's cross-shot ricocheted off the bar, but at the break it looked bleak for Barely.

However, the claims that they were playing well did not ring hollow - everyone felt there still might be something to be had from the game. Mike deserves a round of applause for volunteering to stay in goal - not where he pines to be - as everyone agreed that keeping the team the same would be a good move.

And lo, shortly after kick-off the footballing clouds parted as Jim scored a goal of great beauty to put Barely right back in it. Some lovely build-up play still left Jim with a job to do in the box, and he shimmied past a couple of challenges and finished neatly into the corner. Tails began to wag, and only five minutes later they were level, Batts keeping up his astonishing scoring record by seeing his freekick bounce once in the box, over the keeper and in. Amazing stuff from Barely.

Shortly after this point however the Russell number 6 headed goalwards and thought he'd put the away team back in the box seat. The ball came off the inside of the post and Mike's hands were definitely pointing backwards as he plucked it from inside the net. All of the ball over all of the line? No-one was one hundred percent certain but it did look most plausible. However neither Bob nor the linesman (Jim Banton's son) had a decisive view, and play was waved on. In fact Barely nearly scored from the counter as Jim teed up Ioan in the box, who miscued. He rescued the ball and fed Batts, but the attack fizzled out. For ten minutes it looked like perhaps Barely were spent, having given everything to get themselves level. Russell were edging things and the Barely rearguard was busy. But then on a rare counter Lefils found himself in the box and clipped a shot at the near post. The keeper might have done better but the ball nestled into the net and the ten men of Barely were, incredibly, ahead.

There was still time for either side to score again but there was an air of inevitability over the match and the scoreline, as though neither side could quite believe it and didn't want to pollute the drama with further, unnecessary chapters. Sure enough when Bob's whistle rang out the score said 3-2 to the home side and, by golly, what a game. Doughty handling - and one pivital punch clear - from Mike in goal; incredible blocks and tackles from all the back three and both wingbacks; great movement from the strikers and a master-class of midfield play meant the man-of-the-match award was wide-ranging in it's votes, but Richie took it for his I-can-play-in-three-positions-at-once display; in the first half especially he really let Russell know they were in a game.

Division one football next season, then, and in the meantime a chance to try and push up the table with the remaining three fixtures. Awesome stuff, Barely!

Class of 2011

2011-03-21T09:46:00.003Z

Taken after defeat to Retainers, which is why we all look so happy...

Left to right: Manrouf, Alex, Batts, Danny, Dwez, Richie, Colin, Ian, Sam, Mike, Nick, Jim (1), Jim (2), Lefils

No Way Past Retaining Wall

2011-03-21T09:02:00.002Z

Retainers 6 Barely Athletic 2

Goal: Nick

Defence: Batts, Ian, Danny, Colin

Midfield: Lefils, Dwez, Richie, Sam

Attack: Mike, Jim

Subs: Alex, Jim 2, Mani

Though the sun shone down on a celestial morning, a chilly wind blew through Barely's fortunes, and try as they might they simply could not get warm. They were given the shivers by a robust and and tidy Retainers side who showed why they've only lost one game this season as they swept Barely aside with a clinical performance.

Despite missing midfield anchors Rich Jackson and James Fry, this was a strong Barely line-up, but they didn't begin well, enduring a good 20 minutes of pressure from the home side without creating any real chances of note themselves. However, they didn't concede either, and were mathematically at least well in the game. Perversely they began to play better having finally let in the opening goal, but a couple of slightly wayward headers aside they created few chances, and limped into half-time having conceded twice more, lost Ian to a back injury and been forced to reshuffle, with Dwez now pulled back to central defence and Alex taking his place in the middle of the park.

It was, in all fairness, a bit of a cack display from Barely. They were allowing the Retainer's big number 6 acres of space to turn with the ball, and on the right Colin and Sam seemed to be engaged in a competition to see who could infuriate Fizzy the most with a series of wayward passes. Rich Batten brought Jim (2) on at right-back and Mani went on the left wing; Lefils pushing up alongside the isolated Jim. Everyone resolved to play a bit better in the second-half, and lo and behold the next goal went to Barely. A beauty it was too, after pinging a few passes around the outside of the area Fizzy put Jim (1) through on the right and his cross was met with a deft glancing header from the manager, Batts. "Like something off the telly" as Danny succinctly put it later.

However, like an errant knight who celebrates his treasure haul too early, Barely awoke the dragon. The goal galvanised Retainers. They moved up through the gears and smashed in three more goals - albeit two of them with some fortune; a mis-hit cross and a deflection in off Jim (2) - and though Barely did add another goal of their own, through Richie's 20yard daisy-cutter, the writing was on the wall. And the writing said "that's three points up the shitter".

At least Barely finished the game with no further injuries, but they will need to better this performance if they're to gain the one point they need from the last four games.

Dwez, the only player who seemed capable of dominating the ball on the day, cake-walked the Man of the Match award with seven votes; Richie was a distant runner-up and Jim (2) registered third place. Other positives were Mike positioned in the centre - he won a lot of headers there - and the fact that Barely could apportion a small amount of blame to the pitch, which was really bobbly. Though as they say in the hurly-burly of the FA Cup, when your team crashes out to lowly opposition on a mud-bath, it was "the same for both sides".

Unhappy End For Reunion

2011-03-06T14:25:00.006Z

Barely Athletic 5 Reunion 2

Goal: Mike

Defence: Batts, Ian, Danny, Paul

Midfield: Andy, Alex, James Fry, Sam

Attack: James, Mani

Subs: Jim, Colin

Another three points in the bag for Rich Batten's side after a decent first half performance was followed by a vintage second one. Both sides were well up for this one but the game was a credit to the Casuals league in terms of spirit as well as performance; "a pleasure to referee" according to Bob, who had taken the whistle. And a pleasure to write up as well, after an enforced absence for the Barely Reporter. The presses are up and running again - thanks to Batts for stepping in with match reports for last three games.

The match started almost as briskly as the chilly wind that blew lazily across the AXA pitch as both sides carved out half-decent chances, and James tested the pace of the Reunion defence up front. But if anyone was assigning too much importance to the game they were sobered by a crunching of heads - as Paul dived into the back of the Reunion number 4 - and then James Fry being carried off after twisting his knee painfully - Jim came on in his stead as Barely reshuffled. Sam got in on the act with a scream of alleged agony - possibly a bit of embellishment - after a set of studs came down on his twisted foot. But then the game settled into a bit of football and it was James, opening his account for the afternoon, who set Barely on the way with a calm finish when finding himself one on one with the keeper.

Reunion came right back into it when a spell of decent possession ended with a shot wellied in from the edge of the box - though taking a fortunate deflection on the way. Back came Barely with a fortunate, nay silly, goal of their own, as James' corner was punched into his own net by the Reunion keeper. And as the half drew to it's conclusion it was Barely who shaded things, though no-one was under the illusion the second half would be a cakewalk - Reunion were still doing plenty with the ball but other than the one goal, had found Mike a formidable barrier to their efforts.

Second half started again with both teams having their moments, and it was Reunion who struck first, a very deft finish from a free-kick bypassing both defender and keeper. 2-2, and Reunion had a spell of being well on top as they sought to increase momentum. But Barely did not sway, and worked their way back into the game, Batts eventually getting their third after Mani and the goalkeeper obliterated each other in an attempt to reach the ball. Barely's manager swept home in the composed manner of an Aston Villa cast-off to put Barely back in front.

No looking back now - James, after another of his darting dribbles into the box, set Mani up to make it 4-2, then as Reunion's resolve finally faltered James got his sort-of hat-trick from the spot after being clearly tripped - no complaints from the Reunion boys. There was time for a little cameo at the end of the game from Colin as Barely sought to add even more goals but Reunion were still playing for pride and got the necessary tackles in.

Enough good work from James, then, to ensure a decent shout for Man of the Match, but in the end he was pipped by Mike Graney in what is being described as 'tactical voting' in terms of coaxing him into goal again - but tactical voting that was obviously inspired by his outstanding display between the sticks - so well done Mike. Andy's barnstorming midfield display saw him runner-up with other votes going to James, Ian, Alex and Sam.

So a great day at the office for everyone, except poor James Fry, who would probably have been better off in an actual office, changing a lightbulb or something. We wish him a speedy recovery.

Double header

2010-09-27T09:09:00.004Z

Easton Monday 5 Barely Athletic 0

Goal: Nick

Defence: Rich B, Ian, Danny, Luis

Midfield: Andy, Jacko, Sam

Attack: Dwez, Mike, Richie C

Subs: Mani, Steve

The game that was played as a double header for both league and cup ties ended badly for Barely Athletic, with them out of the cup and on a goal difference of -5 in the league. In a horrifying echo of last season's travails, manager Rich Batten found himself down to the bare eleven 24 hours before kick-off, and that was with Simon 'Dwez' Dwerryhouse drafted in to play upfront. Taking on the resident Casuals champions, it didn't bode well for the boys in yellow and fading black-to-grey. However, perhaps inspired by circumstance, or feeling he had nothing to lose, Rich went for a crazy 4-3-3 formation with Dwez, Mike and Richie leading the attack. And by God it nearly worked.

For over half an hour Barely took the game to the champions, and forced two or three saves from the keeper as well as 4 or 5 corners. But like a surgeon trying to perform an appendectomy with a spatula, they had no cutting edge.

In turn, Easton Monday didn't get where they are today by spurning chances, and when a cross from their right winger went over the collapsing limbs of Ian and an Easton attacker, it fell invitingly for the man at the far post who rifled in, against the run of play to be fair.

Barely's house of cards then collapsed, as in quick succession Easton added two more before half-time, one the type of goal that makes Alan Hansen wake up screaming for his mummy, as a long punt from the goalkeeper cleared the whole Barely team and with one bounce the attacker had the easiest of chances to stroke it in past Nick.

Half-time and everyone was inevitably a little forlorn - it had been a cracking opening but nobody could honestly say they felt Barely were still in it, as they'd not taken their chances when on top. Rich moved the team around slightly, swapping Nick and Luis over and himself with Andy. Richie dropped deeper too as after the restart Barely struggled to maintain possession. Though the second half saw them only concede two more goals, they were thankful to Luis that it wasn't more, as he turned in a decent half between the sticks. But the game was over a long time before the final whistle, and Barely need to lift themselves for the next one - if they can play like they did in the first half (without letting in the silly goals) there's no telling what they can do this season.

Man of the Match was Richie with Luis, impressive outfield and in goal, runner-up.

Barely draw hope for next season

2010-05-10T08:45:00.004Z

BARELY ATHLETIC 2 RUSSELL ATHLETIC 2
(Was trying to work "leaves Russell" into that headline but it wouldn't take.)

Goal: Danny

Defence: Dave Baines, Jim Perret, Matt, Colin

Midfield: Rich Bats, Richie, Sam, Andy

Attack: Ioan, Nick

Subs: Lewis, Luke, Mani.

Barring an unlikely reunion with Reunion, this was Barely Athletic's last game of the 09-10 season and they signed off in some style, very nearly grabbing both points against a Russell team fighting for the first division title. In a game dotted with superlative performances it'd be tricky to pick a man of the match. As Bats said after the game, it was a proper team performance and everyone put in a shift.

No less than four debutants were called on yesterday and all played their part. Matt was imperious at centre-back, Dave Baines a regular outlet at right-back and Lewis and Luke both had impact as subs, the latter especially.

From the off Barely were up for this game. Even the usual pre-match talk of how they might not lose was nipped in the bud as being 'presumptuous'. Nick's warm-up shoulder injury looked to be catastrophic as Barely prepared to start the game with ten men, but no - scampering across the field like a latter-day cavalry comes Danny, taking his place between the sticks and making Barely eleven (Lewis and Luke, who are 'younger', and therefore work to a slightly different clock, turned up later).

Barely kicked off and the teams went at it as teams who-were-almost-fighting-relegation or fighting for the title are wont to do. Russell are a big team physically and not ones to say "after you" in a challenge, but it's a credit to both teams and the ref that the game was played in good spirit. Unsurprisingly, Russell were the first team to create a chance on goal, but it took a good while for them to do so as the jerry-rigged defence were playing like a unit borne of long-standing relationships. Jim blocked and bludgeoned, Colin and Dave shut off approaches down the wings, and Matt was simply always in the right place, displaying some weird quantum relationship with the ball. When Russell did break through, Danny pulled off the saves to keep the game goalless, and Russell began shooting from further and further out, with wayward results.

At the other end Andy showed them how to do it, After a spell of Barely pressure, he gave the team in orange and black the lead with a Lillford special, cracking low shot into the far corner from just outside the box.

Russell replied almost immediately however, when a corner was headed into the net shortly before half-time to put the score at 1-1. Rich Batten made no immediate changes as Barely were right in the mix at this stage.

The second half was a similar pattern to the first, with Russell shading things in terms of pressure but unable to break Barely down, although they came very close. Danny pulled off a spectacular double-save at one stage and at least once Russell failed to hit the target from headers as they pounded the Barely penalty area. Barely continued to look to counter-attack and, with the introduction of 'faster than most' Luke, found their second goal on such an occasion. Barely broke and Richie, at the heart of almost everything Barely did offensively, found Luke on the right-wing. He darted to the by-line and crossed. After a short melee the ball fell to Ioan, who scored the most insouciant of goals, dummying past a challenge and flipping the ball past the keeper into the roof of the net. It was the second of two brilliant goals and no matter how much the Russell centre-back protested disdainfully that Barely didn't deserve it, his argument went counter to the accepted wisdom on how games are scored. See end of previous post for bottom line on winning and losing.

However Russell were never going to lie down and continued to pressure. Despite some breaks of their own - Dave Baines put a shot oh-so-narrowly wide - Barely looked to be holding on slightly and just conceded that one corner too many. With the seconds ticking away, the ball broke loose in the box and the Russell forward was on hand to poke it into the net as Rich and Sam desperately tried to clear. There was no time for either team to net a winner though, and the game - a cracking one - ended honours deservedly even.

Let's all take a moment to consider what Bats has achieved this season. Barely's first division status, thanks to results elsewhere, was achieved before kick-off yesterday in the face of multiple and prolonged absenteeism and praise be, the squad have another year to tilt at mid-table safety despite, as was the case again in this game, the team regularly being patched-up and/or thrown together at the last minute. Hats off to Bats, and thanks also to all those who have stepped into the breach, no matter how glorious or humiliating the result on the day. Ioan, for instance, has appeared on numerous times looking like he might be more comfortable on a gurney. Let's see if we can't have a strong turnout next season, meantime there's end-of-season boozing to be down, possible poker, and certainly some kind of partisan voting to be made on player of the season and that kind of stuff. Well done all!

Hill Farm leave Barely with Mountain to Climb

2010-04-26T08:38:00.003Z

Barely Athletic 0 Hill Farm 5

Goal: Mike

Defence: Colin, Bats, Andy, Chris

Midfield: Nick, Richie, Jacko, Sam

Attack: Lefils, Ioan

Subs: Steve P, Tom P, Sean

It was a wonderful day for football, crisp and fresh with intermittent sun, and a decent - if somewhat hard - pitch. Barely had a decent team together with the return of Rich 'the pendulum' Jackson to add composure to the midfield. However the list of absentee centre-backs was long - no Danny, Ian, Phil, and no Lee to step into the breach as he did so admirably in Barely' last game. Bats, caught between a rock cake and a blancmange, opted for himself and Andy Lillford in the middle of defence, prompting a pained expression from the latter. Andy went on to put in a man of the match performance, making up for a lack of stature - for a centre-half - with determination and inexhaustible energy.

And despite the scoreline Barely collectively and individually put in a good shift. Both teams like to play good football and the battle lines were drawn along the ground rather than above the player's heads. Barely were playing some pretty stuff in the middle with all the midfield linking well. Breaking the Hill Farm back line, however, proved a tougher task, and Hill Farm adroitly foiled Lefils and Ioan whenever the strikers threatened.

And after half an hour of both teams showing flashes of joined-up football, Hill Farm finally broke through the Barely back line twice in succession and put themselves 2-0 up. Mike had expressly asked the outfield players not to let Hill Farm shoot 'along the ground' but that's exactly what they did, leaving Mike with a long way to go to the floor, and by the time he got their the ball was past him on both occasions. Barely looked slightly dazed but tried to galvanise a response; Jacko had at least one shot blocked, Sam jinked between players to put his effort just wide, and Richie thought he'd scored but his thumping shot was deftly tipped over by the keeper. Lefils tore down the left a couple of times but Hill Farm were first to every ball in the box, and the break came with Barely came two goals down.

Rich Batten initiated the rolling subs system with Tom coming on in central defence for the gaffer and Nick going into goal for the injured Mike. Steve came into left midfield, and Sean came on for the last half-hour upfront.

Hill Farm though were confident in the box seat, and soaked up the Barely pressure before picking their moments to score a couple more - one on the break from a Barely attack, and one a bullet header from a corner. Inevitably Barely's heads went down and the match became scrappier as Hill Farm had no need to pressurise and Barely were forced to do the running. Lefils and his opposite number began a preamble to what would have been death of a thousand kicks had the game gone on long enough and a vein of cantankerousness crept into the game, which was thankfully was kept a lid on by some sensible captaincy from both sides.

Sean's debut was impressive in terms of his energy and distribution, but despite a late rally from Barely where they were for a few minutes encamped in the Hill Farm penalty area, no-one really had a decent sight of goal. Hill Farm even rubbed it in a bit by scoring a fifth late on to well and truly put a thumping seal on a game that did not have 5-0 written on it in terms of the balance of play or level of performance.

But then unless they change the rules it's the goals that count, and Hill Farm scored five of 'em.

Late show - Early Bath

2010-04-15T08:45:00.002Z

Barely Athletic 5 Bathelona 2

Goal: Nick

Defence: Chris, Lee, Ian, Rich Bats

Midfield: Sam, James, Mike, Richie,

Attack: Lefils, Jim Banton

Subs: Steve, Jimbo, Jimmy, Ioan, Tom

Barely took a small step towards securing their first division status with a delayed but deserved victory over Bathelona, who had slightly put the dampers on an evening kick-off by going to the wrong ground and arriving an hour late. With everyone keen to play, however, the teams agreed to play half an hour each way, and duly kicked off.

Rich and Steve had a veritable cornucopia of players to choose from with 16 Barely players eager to play a part in reversing their recent fortunes. With a subs bench that could have made a decent barbershop quartet (with a sub of it's own) Barely rolled players on and off throughout the game to keep things fresh.

Barely started strongly with Wednesday regular, but big-match debutant Jim Banton getting on the end of a decent move and putting the home side one-up after just ten minutes. Lefils added a second to reward his persistent forward play and at half-time the score was 2-0, with Barely feeling comfortable. The Barely side was in constant flux, so much so that as the second half progressed they began to play with three forwards and two right wingers, but two goals from new recruit Jimmy had put Barely back in the box seat after Bathelona, playing better in this half, scored twice between Jimmy's efforts to make the score, at one stage, 3-2. The way Bathelona were playing you wouldn't have begrudged them a draw at that stage, but a penalty from Lefils after Jimmy was felled in the box - he did fall somewhat extravagantly, but it looked a trip - made the final score 5-2 and Barely took a precious three points away and a spring in their stride for the next game. As Bats said afterward, what a difference having a full squad makes.

Man of the match voting didn't happen, for some reason, but as well as notable mentions for the brace-scoring Jimmy and Lefils the Barely Reporter though Jim Banton was excellent on his debut - a goal as a forward, then virtually impassable in defence. Moment of the match was Lee's wonder-pass up the wing from a deep-position, which is indelibly etched on everyone's brains after Lee relived the moment at his leisure in the post-game discussions.

Fair enough.

As well as a great performance there was the welcome pitch-bound from injuries for Steve and Chris. Thumbs-up all around.

Old Boys Put the Nail in Barely Coffin

2010-03-21T20:14:00.003Z

Nailsea Old Boys 7 Barely Athletic 2

Goal: Tom

Defence: George, Danny, Jim, Rich Batten

Midfield: Paul, James, Jacko, Sam

Attack: Lefils, Ioan

No subs.

With a plethora of injuries and enough bouncing offspring to start a nursery, barely once again struggled to make up numbers for this game. There were officially four billion players absent, so Rich Batten called in Young Jim to the Barely central defence and even-more-newcomer George slotted in at right-back. One bright note was the return of James Fry from an extended hiatus, and he took up the central midfield alongside Jacko.

But all this was pretty academic as Barely began by letting in the quickest, sloppiest three goals since Titus Bramble last walked out at St James' saying "I've just got a good feeling about this one". It might have been different had Sam tucked away an early cross from Paul after a break down the right, but his volley went straight at the goalkeeper. NOBs showed no such hesitancy as Barley pretty much gifted them three peachy chances that they took easily. 3-0 with about ten minutes gone and the word 'relegation' might as well have been sky-written by a plane.

But to be fair Barely were not being over-run. The midfield battle was fairly even and Ioan and Lefils were holding the ball up well in attack. As ever, though, Barely's ability to eke out a chance remained at a premium, and at the break the frustration at the scoreline was balanced by a feeling that Barely were actually playing well. Rich brought Tom into centre-midfield, pushed Jack to centre-back and Jim into goal. With no subs, everyone just had to get their heads down and sweat buckets for the cause under a dispassionate sun. And, after a period of thrust and counter-thrust, Barely scored a delightful goal. Rich combined with Lefils to set off Sam on a storming run (ok, a five yard scamper) down the left, and he drilled a ball into the box where George wellied off a defender and into the net. 3-1 and suddenly Barely had a glimmer of light.

The Barely Reporter would love to relate that the goal turned the game on it's head, that derring deeds were done, swashes buckled and goals galore scored. In fact they were, but another defensive collapse by the team in orangey-yellow and eighties fade from black to grey meant it all happened at the wrong end. That's Barely, in case the the kaleidoscope of horror lost you. With half an hour to play it was NOBs who stepped up a gear and, to use the vernacular, they twatted another four past Barely to one solitary reply, when Bats, haring forward in furious desperation, belted Tom's cross into the roof of the NOBs net. Good to see the boss leading by example, but it wasn't enough to save Barely, who really need to find a full-time goalkeeper, or possibly all chip in for an operation on Steve Pinnell's shoulder.

There was no man of the match vote but the Rich Batten sponsored choice was Ioan for leading the line so well - and obviously answering the call when it came. George made a good impression on the team and it was good to see James Fry slaloming through the midfield again, but overall, though Barely managed a decent 7/10, it wasn't enough. They are now staring down the barrel of a ticking relegation time-bomb between a rock and a hard place, and the only person who can save them - is themselves.(Read that last bit in the gravelly trailer voiceover style if you would).

Black Mark for Barely

2010-03-01T10:34:00.002Z

Red Star 4 Barely Athletic 1

Goal: Tom

Defence: Colin, Jim (2), Ian, Andy

Midfield: Sam, Mike, Dave, Bats

Attack: Mani, Lefils

Sub: Kel

Missing more first choice players than you can count on a radioactive centipede's feet, Rich 'Bats' Batten was forced to call on the 'Groinstrain Three' of Andy, Colin and Sam as well as drafting in emergency cover in the shape of Jim (who started at centre-back and swapped positions with Tom at half-time) and Kel, who began as sub.

Red Star are a good side and unsurprisingly began the game on top. Tom had already pulled out a couple of saves as the Barely back line was breached by the time Barely began to get a foothold on the game, as Mike started winning headers and challenges in the centre of the park. It looked like an inspired choice by Bats to play him there. Barely even started to put some attacks together but, as is often the case, the final ball wasn't quite there. Sam felt he might even have had a penalty as he was felled in the box but as the only person who agreed with him was his assailant, the game proceeded indifferently.

The first half was actually a pretty even affair with 'Hungover' Dave industrious in midfield and Andy and Bats combining well down the left. But Red Star went into the break two goals ahead - firstly when their left-winger outpaced Colin into the box to finish well, and secondly as Lefils argued over an offside call Red Star broke forward and scored a splendid counter-attacking goal. As guilty as Fizzy was for arguing, the rest of Barely were equally guilty of telling him to shut up rather than focussing on the game. So they felt a bit hard done to, but their was no arguing with the scoreline.

After a prolonged and confusing team shuffle Colin went to right wing and Kel (who had come on for Dave in the first half) went to right-back. It was a better balance to the team by and large but by the time they found the net - Tom heading in Lefils' corner - they had conceded a third as a cross-shot went into the Barely net off Jim's hands. And despite Lefils dropping into midfield to bolster Barely's play, there was time for another weak goal from a Barely point of view when a Red Star corner went directly in with no assistance other than the crapness of Jim and Sam on the line.

So a fairly sorry Barely put up a fight but were outpunched but a strong Red Star team. Man of the Match - apparently - went to Sam 'for turning up' but your correspondent would put down Ian as Barely's outstanding performer, with notable nods to a few others: Kel looked a very composed player, and Lefils, Dave and Andy kept battling until the end. The Barely Reporter actually felt Lefils was on the wrong end of some decisions as the fiery Frenchman used his strength to turn defenders or win the ball, but in fairness Red Star played and refereed fairly in the big picture. Hopefully Barely can get some rest -and some more players - before their next game .

Barely 2 AXA 3

2010-02-15T09:07:00.003Z

Goal: Nick

Defence: Colin, Tom, Ian, Rich B

Midfield: Lee, Sam, Jacko, Richie

Attack: Mani, Lefils

Sub: Chris

Barely were left frustrated yesterday after a performance that had everything but goals - and, obviously, the result they wanted. With quite a few few regulars missing Sam's mate Chris was drafted in as sub, and Rich Batten went for a mildly experimental 4-1-3-2 line-up with Lee parked in front of the back four. And it proved an astute bit of thinking when Lee began winning everything in the air and Barely took total control of the game from the off. Jacko dictated the tempo as ever and Bats and Richie started combining well down the right. Again and again they carved AXA open, and it was surprising the goal took as long coming as it did. After bossing the game for twenty or so minutes another left-wing move culminated in Lefils shimmying past a defender and planting the ball neatly in the far corner. One-nil. Shortly afterwards the second came - or so Barely thought. Sam crossed from the right, and after the ball hit the bar and was cleared from the goal-line in a melee, Barely eventually scored only for the linesman to give an offside decision. No-one could quite work out how he had come to that conclusion, but we must give him the benefit of the doubt in this instance as he obviously had the best view of events.

Shortly after though the ref gave the benefit of the doubt to AXA after not one but two dubious challenges on Richie went unpunished in the box. To be fair the ref could argue at that point that the defenders took possession of the ball using their bodies - but if so why did a similar challenge by Tom moments later result in a free-kick for AXA? It felt somewhat partisan and Barely were irked. Especially when AXA scored from the free-kick. Sam - who had the type of day at the office that might result in a written warning - was outjumped by the AXA midfield to head in their equaliser. Perhaps shaken by that, a minute later the diminutive midfielder-cum-imminent-bench-warmer gave away possession in midfield cheaply and AXA strode forward to put themselves ahead. Chris - now on for Lee - got back to make a challenge, but the ball ricocheted back off Nick to the striker, who had a second go. This time it hit Nick and went over his head, and after a horrible "it's behind you" moment, the striker finally got the goal his efforts deserved. But it was a stinker from a Barely point of view.

The second half was more of the same - Barely on top in terms of possession, but AXA understandably reluctant to cede any ground near the goal. With Chris now on the right wing, the debutant put in a good shift, regularly beating his man and getting crosses in, but Barely just couldn't find an equaliser. Headers went wide, corners were cleared, and shooting was disappointingly wayward. To make matters worse, AXA marked one of their counter-attacks with a good goal, chipping Lee (with Nick now in midfield) to put the 'away' team 3-1 up. At that point one could literally see the shoulders slump in Barely as everyone sensed it simply wasn't to be their day. But credit to manager Bats then, already sporting a bloody nose from one of several rumbustious challenges from the AXA number 8, who charged into the box and whacked the ball into the net to make it 2-3, after the umpteenth attack from Barely.

Inevitably though, the whistle blew for full-time before Barely could launch any further assaults in search of a point. The statistics of the game will make comforting reading - all except the important one, that is. An unnecessary defeat down to silly mistakes meant the post-game drinkers couldn't even bring themselves to vote for a man of the match. *Sigh*...

Barely's Cup Dreams go South

2010-01-25T10:27:00.002Z

SC Vets 5 Barely Athletic 1

Goal: Mike

Defence: Colin, Danny, Ian, Paul

Midfield: Richie, Jacko, Sam, Nick

Attack: Mani, Lefils

Sub: Tom
Injured in warm-up: Andy
Off to a christening: Bats
Ashen-faced manager: Steve

With Andy, Sam, Lefils, and who knows who else carrying injuries before the game even started, the only way Barely could have been more crocked was if they were helicoptered in. The disparity with a strapping and bullish SC Vets could not have been more pronounced as Andy Lillford hobbled on to the pitch and fell over with his first contact with the ball, screaming in pain. With James Fry missing with what the physio referred to as a 'shagged knee' it was a case of needs-must, with Sam insisting that he 'mustn't run' while playing in centre-midfield.

Barely turned tradition on it's head and started very well. With Jacko dictating the pace in the middle a clutch of decent moves saw Barely attacking through Nick down the right-wing, the stoical Barely veteran linking up well with Lefils. But then SC scored with what felt like their first attack of the game. Barely conceded a corner and as it rifled in to the near post the ball was acrobatically volleyed into the top of the net. Mike didn't even move - though to be fair he probably wouldn't have got a leg to it.

The next haif an hour was pretty even, a case of thrust and counter-thrust as Barely tried to find their way to goal through the wings and SC, winning every header against Barely's diminutive centre, looked for the long ball being flicked on to increase their lead. Neither team created a real chance though until some nice play from Paul and Mani set up the galloping Richie to finish past the keeper and bring the scores level. Thus it stayed until the break, whereupon Steve brought on Tom for Sam and moved Richie into the middle. Barely again began the half well, but in an uncanny mirror image of the first half, SC's first attack of note brought them the lead. Nick - now in goal for Mike, who was on the left wing - will be disappointed to have not saved it, but the SC winger's powerful shot from a narrow angle had enough velocity to go in off his surprised hands.

Suddenly SC were on top, and for every bright moment from Barely - and there were plenty - the final ball wasn't quite right, whereas SC looked ominously menacing near the goal. They stepped up a gear and fired one into the roof of the net, giving them a two goal advantage. A fourth came when the ball squeezed agonisingly under the diving Nick's body - and the fifth - well, who cares, frankly? The game was much more even than the scoreline suggested, but ultimately SC knew how to finish and Barely didn't. A team with two successive promotions behind them, the Barely Reporter fully expects to see them in the top division next year - when Barely will get another shot at beating them. For the meantime, the second division side go on in the cup, and Barely concentrate on the league.

Man of the Match was a tight affair with Jacko runner-up to Richie and Paul in joint first place. All in all though, Barely can stand the odd smarting defeat if they play as well as they did today - some good football bodes well for a solid assault on the league - perhaps 4th is up for grabs again.

Or fifth.

Barely's Pulchritudinous Play Subjugates Swift

2009-11-08T14:13:00.005Z

Swift FC 2 Barely Athletic 3

Goal: Nick

Defence: Rich B, Danny, Ian, Tom P.

Midfield: The Other Tom, Andy, Richie, Sam.

Attack: Ioan, Mani.

Watching/line running: Steve and Bob.

Braced for a tough game with only a starting eleven, Barely produced a superlative performance on the day - the only blot on the copybook being Andy (in goal for the second half) punching into his own net in a desperate bid for attention.

Unusually Barely started the stronger, and the fact they went 1-0 down ten minutes in was nothing do with their usual bleary-eyed shamblings, but actually against the run of play. From a rogue corner the Swift number 5 dodged a challenge and swept the ball home through a crowd of players. Barely, looking collectively offended, leveled almost immediately when Ioan tapped a corner ball into the path of Sam, who released an 'exocet' (Richie) or a 'mis-hit cross?' (Mani) into the top corner off his usually inert left peg. Game on.

Barely were back in the box seat and passing the ball around to the manner born. Andy and Richie were bossing the midfield completely and Rich Batten was finding acres of space on Swift's right flank and causing them all kinds of problems. Andy, Bats, and Mani all shot narrowly wide as Barely piled on the pressure without quite realising the goal. Swift were quite capable of the counter-attack too, but Barely's defence was water-tight and the only shots Nick dealt with were in the main hopeful punts.

Half-time came and Andy went in goal for Nick as Steve and Rich negotiated the team shuffle. After some discussion Nick went wide right, Sam into centre-mid alongside Richie. Barely started on top, and indeed went ahead when The Other Tom scooped a ball home from a delightful Barely build-up that almost involved the whole team and is therefore too epic to explain here. Except to say Nick, who had a fabulous half, was certainly involved, turning his way past a challenge in the box and caressing the ball square to Ioan, who set up Richie, who teed up The Other Tom. Or something like that, anyway.

But despite the early blow for Swift, the signs they'd shown at the end of the first half of coming back from Barely dominance were still growing, and there followed a tense period were Barely were forced to defend more. But marshalled by Danny and Ian and with Tom P keeping an eye on Swift's danger man, the back line was resolute, broken only once when Sam - who had earlier scored that amazing goal, if you remember - was on hand to nick the ball off the number 5's toe as he set himself to shoot from close in. Well done, Sam!

However, Swift's leveller was still to come, and Andy, whose handling was otherwise immaculate, was cursing himself when a relatively easy save slipped off his gloves and into the net. It was a blow, but Barely never faltered. Despite the obvious fillip to Swift, it was Barely who saw out the remainder of the game on top - or at least shading things - and they got their winner when The Other Tom grabbed his second with a similar finish to his first to give Barely all three points.

This was a proper Casuals game - two very evenly matched teams playing the game in the right spirit, and credit to Swift for that, as well as some fair-minded refereeing. Of course winning helps too, coating as it does the post-game discussions with a gloss of elation. Man of the Match award voting was widely spread with such a great team effort, but Richie took the gong - metaphorically speaking, as it's still somewhere in the Pinnell household causing arguments - with a landslide 5-1-1-1-1-1-1 result. No Mike around to keep the team on a even keel though, so unfortunately there were lots of tiresome jokes about men in the showers. Come on Barely, really. You're too old for that kind of thing.

Barely Victory Marred By Alleged Political Correctness

2009-10-26T09:12:00.005Z

Three points undermined by Mike's refusal to toe the homophobic line:

Pass Masters 3 Barely Athletic 5

Unable to despatch a correspondant to what was something of a make or break game, the Barely Reporter relied on player feedback for this match, a notoriously big ask from a bunch of genius mavericks who have no time for rules, deadlines, or petty trivialities, like letting us know what the line up was for instance.

Nevertheless from various clues we can deduce the following: NIck was in goal, Steve P was also present but nursing various parts of his anatomy after being used as a chair, Tom was there, Rich B was there, and goals came from Lefils (also present) Andy (ditto) Richie C (we assume he must have been there), Tom and Rich B. Rich 'Action' Jackson was also hypothesised to have scored; but the midfield dynamo admitted 'in my dreams'. In which case we must also record several other goals that players have dreamt, making the ethereal score more like 11-6 to Barely. Either way, it amounts to a victory and a well-deserved one having been two-one, and then three-two down during the course of the first half. A man-marking job on the Pass Masters striker by Andy in the second half shackled the danger and freed up Barely to move in for the kill, which they did.

However, post-game the mood turned sour when Mike snubbed a long line of sexually insular footballing tradition and apparently openly embraced the idea of sharing this boisterious-heterosexuals world with 'the other', setting the proverbial cat among the pigeons. Despite the uproar, no-one has been willing to go into detail, though hints have been dropped that crisps were involved. Prawn Cocktail crisps, to be precise. Footballers do have an ability to close ranks when journo's come sniffing around, so we'll just have to wait for several otherwise-banal and drably-titled memoirs to come out when the cast in this particular act finally hang up their boots.

Until then, we have football.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
STOP PRESS
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Breaking news in the Barely Reporter office - apparently Mike's defence of the realm was merely a sub-plot in the Steve-versus-Tom family conflict that broke out post-game. Tom's sexuality was questioned, as was Sam's (not present) who has since said he is flattered, but married and often too tired for that kind of thing anyway.

Sun sets in the East for Barely

2009-10-04T18:14:00.003Z

Barely Athletic 1 Easton Monday 7

Goal: Nick

Defence: Chris, Danny, Ian, Andy

Midfield: Rich, Sam, Tom, Mani

Attack: Colin and Lefils

sub: Steve

This was a game of two halves - in the first Barely were poor, but Easton's goals were a bit flukey. In the second, Barely were middling, but Easton were superlative. It all began rather lamely in Barely's eyes as they spent the opening 20 minutes camped in their own half as Easton's number 8 dictated the play - something he did for much of the game. The home side were missing their ideal equivalents; with Jim, Richie and Jacko all absent Tom and Sam tried to establish some kind of grip on midfield, to little avail. But Barely's attacking success, when it came, came down the flanks with Andy and Mani combining to good effect. Sadly though they were 3-0 by the time Barely woke up - two goals came courtesy of ricochets either in the finish or the build-up, and the third dribbled agonisingly between Nick's hands and legs - a double nutmeg, if you will.

Barely were largely shite at this point, as Lefils was willing to testify in the strongest terms. He and Colin hardly touched the ball the whole first half, and at the break - still 3-0 down - Steve and Rich understandably changed things around. Nick went to right-back and Steve in goal, Sam went to right-wing with Colin dropping back into the centre alongside Rich Batten. Tom pushed up front and Chris ran the line - he had a good half.

Barely improved, but you wouldn't know it in the opening ten minutes as Easton gave them a lesson in football, capitalising on mistakes far up the pitch to swarm forward and finish confidently - one a spectacular diving header. The game lost, all Barely could do was dig their heels in and try and play a bit of football - which they managed, to an increasing extent. Mani might have scored when his shot ploughed into the side netting, but he made amends shortly afterwards when a decent Barely move ended with Lefils heading the ball into his path and Mani swept the ball home with aplomb. Not bad.

However by then - or shortly afterwards, it's all a bit of a blur now to be honest - Easton added a seventh just to really confirm how one-sided this match was in terms of potency. Barely can - just - hold their heads up after an improved second half, but they could do with their absentees back asap.

Man of the Match was Andy - never gave up, and kept Barely's heads up with a series of exhortations.

Shipham by name...

2009-09-13T22:11:00.002Z

Shipham FC 1 Barely Athletic 6

Goal: Nick

Defence: Rich B, Tom P, Andy

Midfield: Rich J, Sam, Richie, Mike, Mani

Attack: Ian, Jim

Sub: Colin
Tactical wizardry: Steve P

First things first - Shipham really don't deserve that smart-arsed headline, so apologies. The wordplay (Ustinov would have been proud, eh?) was just too tempting to resist.

So: a new season for Barely Athletic. A new manager. A new formation. Steve's 3-5-2 line-up above caused a ripple of disbelief when he ran though the team before kick-off, and sure enough, like ancient Greek astronomers convinced the sun orbited the Earth only to be told it was the other way around, Barely just weren't ready for the paradigm shift in thinking required to make the conceit stick. Just as the ancient star-gazers thought about Aristarchus' wild hypothesis for ten minutes before saying "Nah", so Barely stuck with the 3-5-2 for a similar period before reverting to the Earth-centric model of the universe - which in this case was 4-4-2, with Ian at the back.

In fairness though, Barely had started well and were unlucky to go behind when Nick's save at the feet of an attacker bounced kindly for another of the Shipham number. 1-0 down and it seemed that perhaps Shipham's idyllic home pitch - surrounded by greenery and rolling hills - would not inspire Barely to great things.

But it did. Minutes after Barely restarted, Rich B sent a looping deep cross to Richie, who rifled in from a narrow angle on the left. Moments later Mike gave the visitors the lead when his narrow shot from the right ricocheted through defenders to put Barely two up. It was Mike who eerily prophesied "more goals" at half time as well. Maybe he should get his own show on cable.

For sure enough the restart was still visible in the rear-view mirror when Jim put Barely 3-1 up, capitalising on some sustained pressure when firing in off the keeper. Steve reshuffled the team with Colin making an appearance at right-back and Mani going off. Ten minutes later Sam turned inside a defender and chipped the keeper from a wide position - which looked like being the goal of the game until that inveterate show-off Tom twatted a free kick into the top corner from 30 yards. 5-1 and Shipham were out of it. Andy's late boot into the net when his initial shot was blocked was the icing on the cake to leave the score at 6-1 and a very well-tempered game wrapped up with Barely getting points on the board. After last season' custard pie salvo in the opening games there was much relief and pride all around.

Shipham played the game in good spirit - and supplied sandwiches afterward! - and the ref deserves a mention for excellent officiating. Man of the Match was Jim for his usual display of phlegmatic shimmering, plus the goal of course. But the Barely Reporter reckons everyone in the team deserves a pat on the back today - a solid, at times silky performance. There will be harder tests, no doubt, but as openers go they don't get much better than this.

Lefils puts the Fizz in Barely

2009-04-27T11:10:00.002Z

Swift FC 3 Barely Athletic 5

Goal: Colin
Defence: Rich B, Danny, Ian, Chris
Midfield: Tom (3), Dave, Chris (2), Sam
Attack: Andy, Tom

Sub: Lefils

With the absentees list reading like a rollcall of Barely's great and good - Goalie Steve, regulars Phil, Mike, Mani, Rich Jackson, Ioan and Nick were all missing, not to mention co-managers Jim and Richie - Barely had to put out more feelers than a gang of radioactive centipedes to get a team for this game. In came Wednesday regulars Dave and Colin for their 11-a-side debuts, Chris 2 returned from a long sabbatical for a composed stint in midfield, and PC Tom took up a regular beat up and down the left wing.

With Lefils running late, manager-in-waiting Rich B started with Tom Pinnell and Andy 'the engine' Lillford upfront, and the rest of the side basically picked itself. But it also had to pick itself up, as Barely's long tradition (see most previous posts) of starting slowly was staunchly upheld, and they conceded early as the Swift left-winger outpaced both Sam and Chris and slotted neatly in at Colin's far post. Barely, by any stretch, had started poorly, though they were showing in little flashes what they were capable of. However with Lefils' warming up on the touchline Rich opted for an early change that paid dividends. Chivilrously making way himself, he moved Andy to left-back and put Fizzy up front with Tom. From Barely's kick off the talismanic Frenchman darted through the opposition and finished neatly to put Barely level. And within the next ten minutes Barely had, in a dramatic role-reversal, gone 3-1 up and were bossing things. Chris' and Dave's composure in the middle of the park was starting to assert itself and Lefils and Tom were combining to devastating effect - they set each other up for a goal each to put Barely in the box seat before Swift saw a shot parried by Colin and the loose ball prodded in to put the score at 3-2 as the play broke for half-time.

It had the feeling of a game where anything could happen. As well as Barely were playing Swift - who were uncannily fielding several players from last week's opposition - were looking capable of getting back in it. Their left-winger was dominating Barely's right-hand side, where Sam's groin-strain was hampering his usual scampering approach. Equally feeling the pain was Colin, who midway through the second half had to be replaced in the sticks by Tom P. Barely were feeling the stretch. By this time though Barely - who started the second half in polar contrast to the first - were 4-2 up as Tom had scored his second as incessant pressure on the Swift goalkeeper finally paid off. Rich B added a fifth from a narrow angle, but Swift pulled another back before the goals - thanks in part to Tom's long limbs - finally dried up. Neither team gave up trying to score, but the gods of football decided eight was enough on this particular day.

It was a good day for Barely - on a day when both attacks seemed to dominate they outscored the opposition, and there were plenty of defensive interceptions in the second half that kept things that way. Tom P and Andy tied for the man of the match vote, though Barely played pretty well all over, and certainly Lefils' impact cannot be overstated. Rich Batten will be happy to with his managerial debut in advance of taking over the strings for next season - a win and a goal is pretty much ideal.

Barely crushed by Flying Saucer

2009-04-19T19:47:00.003Z

Barely Athletic 2 Flying Saucers 3

Goal: Steve
Defence: Rich B, Phil, Ian, Chris
Midfield: Jim, Mani, Sam
Attack: Nick, Richie

Sub/ref: Mike

High drama played out under the shadow of the doomed Cadburys factory in Keynsham as two closely matched teams fought to improve their league standing. It might possibly have ended in a draw but Flying Saucers took advantage and made off with the points.

With the Saucers only managing a 9 player turn-out Barely agreed to play with ten men in a chivalrous gesture, however chilvary was thereafter fairly low on the agenda, as one of the Saucers berated Mike's (and later Rich B's) refereeing at length. Flying Saucers took the lead early as they looked livelier than a lethargic Barely, but as the home team slowly awoke from their torpor the complexion of the game became more even. Barely had a goal ruled out for offside - correctly - however the subsequent Saucers goal from an offside source was allowed to stand - incorrectly, as far as a furious Steve was concerned. The perceived lack of honesty after Barely had volunteered to have their own goal chalked off set a slightly fractious tone for the game, but as aggrieved as Barely were they could have no complaints when the verbose Flying Saucers striker let fly from distance and put the visitors 3-0 up. Morally dubious or not, they were three goals to the good and making light of their shortage of personnel.

Then from the kick-off Barely found a chink of light. Richie and Sam combined down the right to set up Mani for a deftly headed finish, and as half-time arrived the score was 3-1. Nick and Steve swapped positions and Chris took the whistle for 20 minutes. Feeling they hadn't done the Barely name justice, the home side began the second half like a team possessed, and were very soon back to 3-2 when Mani slotted in at the near post. At this stage it was all Barely, and your correspondant felt sure that a draw was the least they could expect. But credit to Flying Saucers - they rode out the storm and as the full-time whistle beckoned, Barely looked tired. They did create chances - Rich B headed into the side netting, Steve headed over the bar, and Richie was distraught at firing over late on - but Flying Saucers held on for the points, and mounted the odd counter-attack of their own, prompting a couple of decent saves from Nick.

Jim picked up Barely's Man of the Match award, though Richie ran him close and Mike and Mani - with some fine finishing - also featured in the voting. There was a general sense of disappointment that went beyond the result, but as well as the debated goal Flying Saucers also displayed very good possession play and great defending. Barely must now pick themselves up for next week's game, and perhaps make sure they bring a referee!

Barely cleaned out by Bathelona

2008-12-08T08:41:00.002Z

Barely Athletic 0 Bathelona 3

Goal: Steve

Defence: Rich B, Phil, Tom, Danny

Midfield: Nick, Jim, Sam, Mani

Attack: Richie, Lefils

Subs: Mike, Paul

Spectators: Bob and dog.

This game, like a particularly well-sprung peg, was tighter than it first appears. Granted, Barely can have no cause to grumble about the result, but had they taken all their chances they would have come away with at least a point. The crossbar shuddered twice after goalmouth melees in the Bathelona box, efforts were cleared off the line, and Richie's finishing on a hat-trick of chances was unusually wayward.

The game klcked off late after both teams debated the wisdom of playing on what was literally frozen ground. They agreed that an extra few minutes of sun before kick-off would do no harm, and began with the caveat that Paul (refereeing at this stage) would stop the clock after ten minutes and see if everyone was happy to continue. The score being 0-0 at that point, and everyone's limbs intact, it turned out they were.

Barely welcomed the return of the scampering goal-machine that is Lefils, which boosted a pretty strong line-up bearing in mind stalwarts Rich Jackson and Andy Lillford were both missing. And as the game began, things were pretty even. Bathelona probably won the first ten minutes on points, but as the half wore on Barely were working their way into the game. The potentially bad news of both Nick and Sam limping off injured was shrugged aside as with Mike and Paul on as replacements, Barely had probably their best period of the game for the last 20 minutes of the first half. Bathelona had been restricted to three efforts at goal, all gobbled up by Steve. Worryingly though, they were on target, whereas the otherwise excellent Mani and Richie put their chances wide. A shot across Bathelona's bow, or a wild roundhouse that left Barely wide open?

Please bear with us as we mix metaphors.

At half time Barely knew they were, if not on top, then at least shading things, and certainly better than the last time they played Bathelona. But the break had also given the opposition a chance to regroup, and it was Bathelona who opened the scoring early in the second half. A cross came in that Phil attempted to chest back to Steve, but the bounce was awkward, the contact slippy, and the skidding ricochet fell kindly for Bathelona's right-winger, who had shrewdly gambled and made the run. His contact was weak too, but enough to see it bounce over Steve and into the net for the lead.

Barely rallied, but the Bathelona defence were more disciplined in this half and, the crossbar shaking aside, the home team could not trouble the goalkeeper unduly. At the other Bathelona seemed intent on scoring every 8 minutes as they plonked a shot past Steve and in off the post, and another saw the ball squeeze under the diving Barely sticksman to seal the points. Unsurprisingly Barely's head's drooped a little at 2-0, sensing the parsimony of the Bathelona back line wasn't going to allow a comeback. But of course they kept pushing, and probably finished the game the stronger side - albeit vulnerable to the counter-attack, and grateful to Danny and Phil for a couple of last-ditch clearances.

So back to square one it is. Barely were shivering as they left Keynsham yesterday, and it wasn't just the cold. The hardest teams in division one may be out of the way, but Barely have 2 points from three games, and zero momentum. But then again, no-one will play a game for about three months now - if the great leveller that is the Bristol winter has anything to do with it. So come March, a new leaf, a clean slate, and the bell rings for round five with Barely behind on points but far from out of it.

Man of the Match went to Jim, though the Barely Reporter would also like to note considerable defensive contributions from - well, the whole back line, and salute Paul and Mike's impact.

Wanderers seen off by Barely

2008-10-19T13:10:00.004Z

Barely Athletic 4 Westbury Wanderers 1

Goal: Steve
Defence: Rich B, Tom P, Phil, Andy
Midfield: Sam, Jim, Jacko, Mani
Attack: Richie, Ioan

subs: Ian, Paul

Ioan Williams will be the name on John Toshack's lips this morning as the Wales national team's manager searches for a striker to end his world cup woes. Could a diminuative tab-puffing middle-aged veteran be the answer? If Toshack had witnessed yesterday's display by the Barely marksman the answer would be a categorical yes, and Earnshaw would be out on his ear again. What's going on with Earnshaw? Why do people keep paying him money? I know he can run fast, but that doesn't seem to do Dwain Chambers any favours.

Anyway Ioan took the deserved plaudits for a stirring hat-trick, but Williams himself would admit the whole team turned in a really good day at the office - as though instead of congregating around the water cooler on a Friday afternoon gossiping, the workforce knuckled down at their desks and forced through that sale everyone said was a stone-cold lead balloon. That kind of arse-licking can get you noticed by the top brass, and sure enough other Casuals League teams may well be rubbing their eyes at the scoreline and feeling the stir of anxiety within their chests. The Barely Beast awakens.

After an opening couple of games that had seen our heroes looking somewhat less than heroic, one might have forgiven the team for hesitancy against a big (but it must be said, fair) Westbury Wanderers side. However Richie had spent many a sleepless night telling himself not to worry, and whilst staring at the ceiling he also managed some tactical jiggery-pokery, which resulted in a changed line-up. Andy reverted to defence and Sam and Mani to midfeld. Richie pushed himself up as an attacking midfielder just behind Ioan, with a mind to drop deep whenever Westbury had the ball. With Rich Batten at right-back, Barely's most durable engine rooms were placed at optimum positions - both full-backs and attacking midfield. Though reward was not immediately evident, the promise was - and Barely grew in stature as the game wore on.

Barely were already shading things in the early stages, though they were grateful that Phil and Tom were alert at centre-back, as Westbury looked to attack through the middle. But after Ioan deftly diverted an Andy shot past the keeper to give Barely the lead, the team never looked back. Not when Westbury forced an equaliser somewhat against the run of play just before half-time. Not when both Tom (clobbered by the only Wanderer who seemed intent on crossing the line physically, and to be fair he was swiftly reined in by his captain) and Jacko (with a recurrent strain) were forced off with injury. Their replacements in Ian and Paul performed beyond the call of duty, Paul chipping in with a goal as he broke from deep in the game's closing stages.

By that time Ioan had his hat-trick, a side-footed finish and a stooping header both converting crosses from Richie making the game safe. Ioan also missed a sitter and hit the post from a narrow angle, though 6-1 would have been harsh on Westbury, who never stopped competing. Man of the Match was a cakewalk for Williams.

Paul then tragically marred what should have been a great day by modelling his lucky pants - harrowing enough on their own but when seen in-situ, the stuff of nightmares. Andy confirmed he has already put in a request for counselling, and Bob was seen driving away ashen-faced and shivering.

But Barely will have to try and block out the flashbacks and concentrate on repeating this kind of display until it can justifiably be called good form. Not every team will grant them the space Westbury did, but if Barely play to their potential as they did yesterday, they will always be in with a shout of some points.

Reunion 9 (Nine) Barely Athletic 1

2008-09-29T08:52:00.005Z

Goal: Steve

Defence: Chris, Andy, Danny, Rich B

Midfield: Mike, Ian, Jacko, Mani

Attack: Sam, Nick

Subs: Jim, Richie, Ioan, Eustace

It took so long to begin this report it almost feels like an obituary. Like a theatre critic going proudly, hopefully, to see his son play Vladimir in Waiting For Godot only to forget all his lines and keep bumping into Estragon. How to write up such humourless corpsing? Performance-wise, Barely Athletic did not die yesterday afternoon, but they spent a good bit of time on the gurney looking dazed. What's your name? How many fingers?

In fact basic math is not the only thing Barely are struggling with. If their traditional slow start now applies season-wide then some remedial classes might be in order. For this is relegation form and Barely's long stay in the top tier will be in serious jeopardy if they cannot pull something out of the fire, to mix a couple of metaphors.

On a brighter note, though it seems perverse to say so this was in some ways an improvement on the opening day defeat to AXA - the ludicrous soundbites from the Barely dressing room afterwards ("We played some good stuff") did have a germ of truth in them, desperately straw-clutching though they were. Though defensively little needs to be noted other than a glance at the scoreline, Barely had their moments going forward, especially after Richie and Jim joined the fray in the second half. By this time Barely were 5-1 down though (the goal coming courtesy of Mani coolly slotting home Mike's deep cross) and Reunion had been pretty much granted freedom of Bristol such was the space they were afforded. Barely's second half showing was an improvement, with Richie reshuffling the team to a large extent (and making an impact himself), but Reunion were still the better team, and punished Barely mercilessly with a late salvo of goals as Barely faltered in the heat and the midfield found it exponentially harder to chase back after any attacks broke down. It might have been much worse too but for several interventions by Nick, playing the game of his life in goal, and some last-ditch blocks from Danny and Rich Batten in particular.

At the other end Jim and Richie both shot narrowly wide and the former so nearly got on the end of a Richie cross as Barely did their best to penetrate a well organised, but not hugely mobile, defence. Sam forced a stretching save from the keeper with an improvised chip after nicking the ball from the centre-back, and the Reunion sticksman also denied Richie again with two saves pushing the ball out for corners as he and Andy combined to good effect on the left. Steve, having a spell up front, managed a couple of neat turns but couldn't free himself enough for a finish. At the other end, however, the home team were proving clinical with a series of precision finishes.

Richie (who shared man-of-the-match with Andy) and Jim have some job on their hands building morale, not to mention ekeing out a result - even a draw - after this. The Barely Reporter will hazard a guess and say the work starts at the back, though as Nick pointed out, starting the game against last year's champions with their two best players on the bench might have been misplaced loyalty (or worse, faith) on Jim's part. But that's part of Barely's creed after all, and the day the managers approach the game from a purely mercenary perspective, then a little something will have died after all.

And on that slightly pompous note, your correspondant signs off, looking for a very stiff cup of coffee.

Barely in 5-goal Thriller!

2008-09-15T08:01:00.003Z

Barely Athletic 0 AXA 5

Unfortunately Barely's role was that of straight man continuously slapped around the face by his 'hilarious' master. And frankly it could have been worse. With crowd favourites Tom Pinnell, Andy Lillford and Rich 'the metronome' Jackson all absent, it was always going to be a tough game against a big and composed AXA side. Barely began like this:

Goal: Steve

Defence: Chris, Danny, Phil, Rich B

Midfield: Mike, Jim, Richie, NIck

Attack: Mani, Sam

Subs: Gareth and Eustace.

It was a warm and curiously dry day, though the pitch was heavy with dew after the first cold night of the impending autumn. How Barely must have wished the dawn had never came. But for an hour they were in the game. They began, like almost every match report in the Barely archives surely echoes, on the back foot. AXA had a degree of passing and movement that tactician Richie can only dream of, if indeed he has nothing better to dream about, and they put the Barely defence to work from the word go. However, in the early stages they generally found them impassable on the ground, and turned instead to hitting in crosses at great speed, with mixed successes. Steve was occasionally beaten, but these efforts weren't hitting the target.

Instead the goal came rather freakishly when Rich Batten hit a goal-kick straight at the opposing attacker, who belted the ball in off the underside of Steve's body. It says much about Rich 'The Body' Batten's character that he shrugged off this gaffe and turned another man-of-the-match performance, narrowly seeing off Richie in the voting.

Meanwhile though Barely shoe-horned their way into the game with the odd swift - for them - counter-attack. Jim, put in by The Body, saw a shot smothered by the defence. Sam hit an effort from the edge of the box just past the right-hand post. Richie went narrowly wide of the left-hand. And the break came with Barely 1-0 down and well in the game, if they could keep the AXA attack at arm's length.

Gareth and Eustace both put in busy appearances in the second-half, as did Nick who took up position between the sticks. But between his fine saves AXA hit a second around the hour, and the Barely house of cards collapsed. Man-for-man a few years older than their blue-beshirted counterparts, Barely were going backwards through the gears as time took it's toll and AXA took advantage, breaking again and again as Barely looked for a consolation at the other end. It wasn't to be. Everything was in place - the crisp weather, the tingly sensation of a opening season, the delightful 'thwack' noise a ball makes when you strike it just right - but for Barely, it was merely the silver lining to a very dark cloud.

Credit must go to both teams for playing the game in the right spirit - the fire in Barely's bellies is of the cosy hearth variety and they don't tend to throw tantrums when they lose. But that's now history. Somehow they must shake off this defeat and return in two week's time - nobody appears to be taking next week's cup game as anything more than a convoluted friendly - with a clean slate. Otherwise their long tradition of occupation in the highest Casuals division could be in danger of coming to a dramatic close.

Awards Night Declared 'reasonable success'

2008-08-20T08:53:00.002Z

The Barely Athletic Football Team Awards (BAFTAs) were hosted mid-summer by Barely's very own Ioan Williams, at the palatial Hope and Anchor on Jacobs Wells Road. Despite the relatively low turnout - new babies, holidays and alternative piss-ups featuring women (Andy) taking their toll, it was still a star-studded evening for celeb-spotters, autograph hunters and Barelyites in general as almost a full team congregated expectantly to hear the awards announced and partake in Ioan's deviously-themed quiz.

Without further ado, then, the winners of the 'minor' categories are:

Sartorial Elegance- Chris (prize a Vidal Sasoon hair brush)
Strop of the year shared between Fizzy and Rich Batten (prize a dummy)
Collina refereeeing award -Bob (prize a genuine reproduction antique whistle)
Hairstyle of the season -Mani (shower gel)
Busst injury of the year -Andy (failed to collect as was injured)
Alistair Campbell writing award -Sam (a set of the finest writing crayons and a mug)
Special Chairman's Award (No Category) or SCANC. Rich Jackson and Danny now known collectively in the shire as 'the wall'.

And in the big leagues, the winners who got to snort cocaine off some silicon-enhanced tits later in the evening at the after-show party:

Clubman - Nick
Players Player - Steve
Players of the year - Jim

These awards were considered so serious Ioan didn't even supply comedy prizes, but proper trophies. The evening a complete success, The Barely Reporter would like to say thanks to everyone involved, especially Ioan for hosting both the awards and the quiz.

Statastic Season

2008-05-16T13:32:00.003Z

Barely's resident statto has, with much scratching of heads (not always his own), checking of factoids, searching of memory banks and probably artistic licence, come up with a set of figures so comprehensive and all encompassing that Opta will be committing suicide en masse in collective shame. Here, set to the sound of trumpets (please supply your own in your head, or out loud if there's no-one around) are the Barely player stats for season 07-08.

The Beautiful People pt II

2008-05-15T11:18:00.003Z

Richie and Sam are in constant motion. Mani is offside. Chris is performing his terrifying levitating ball trick.

The Beautiful People

2008-05-15T11:13:00.004Z

Woah! Look at all those chins. Sadly absent from the team photo are late arrivals Nick, Chris and Rich B along with the nomadic Quentin, Rich Walters and Rich Sloper.

Bathelona leave Barely washed out

2008-05-15T09:54:00.002Z

Bathelona 5 Barely Athletic 2

Goal: Andy

Defence: Sam, Tom, Phil, Danny

Midfield: Steve, Jacko, Jim, Richie

Attack: Ioan, Lefils

Subs: Mani, Chris, Mike, Nick, Paul, Rich B

Spectators: Dave, Bob

If last week's defeat to Easton Monday was a hiccup, this was the subsequent projectile that flies from your mouth and lands in the lap of your bosses wife at an important dinner. All that hard work meeting and exceeding projected targets and facilitating percentiles could be undone by your terrible gaffe. But it's ok, because your boss remembers what a good worker you are and he merely chuckles as he wipes the glacéd cherry from his wifes skirt. However, when it comes to promotion you'll probably be passed over for Geoff in marketing, as he is able to run faster than you.

Which tenuous, nay clumsy analogy, means that Barely lost their last two games but it should not detract from a good season. Last night at the Fry's club they had a record turnout of 17 players chomping at the bit. Sadly though they were made to look a bit carthorsey against a fit and more than competent Bathelona side.

With Steve playing through the pain-bump with an injured hand, Richie called for volunteers to go in goal. After much impromptu lace-tying and thousand-yard-staring, Andy volunteered to do a half and impressed no end. Coming down with outfield players, the Barely man-manager and left-wing dynamo went with the options above and the subs spent the early portion of the game probably chomping slightly less with each successive minute.

Barely began badly, however this for a change was not their traditional just-out-bed approach to the game but purely Bathelona's energy and verve. Nonetheless Barely were their own worst enemies when a low ball escaped the whole defence and was converted deftly to give Bathelona an early lead.

But the game had only just begun and despite their haggard demeanour Barely knew they were capable of better and set about realising it. Bathelona, hitherto happy to attack, began to find their defence called to use, and the keeper even made a save or two. But when Richie swung in a corner he couldn't stop Phil prodding the ball in at the far post for his first of the season.

Could Barely capitalise on the change of fortune? Could they bollocks. It was the end-to-end Phil who went from hero to slightly less than hero when he felled an attacker in the box. No arguments about the penalty (though the Barely reporter will, in sour-grapes fashion, tell readers of the blatant handball by Bathelona seconds earlier that the ref ignored) and no problems despatching it. Andy did well to get a hand to the ball but the power took it into the net. Barely were wobbling and Fizzy was beginning to lose his fragile temper.

Richie brought off Steve and Paul came onto the right wing. His impact was immediate, both physically and verbally. He also began marking the Barely left-winger leaving Sam free to push on and join the fray further forward, which Sam was particularly pleased about. But Barely, despite playing better as the game wore on, found themselves 3-1 down by the break when a corner swerved directly into Andy's goal - again, Andy got to the ball but the pace took it in. And things might have been worse but for a couple of splendid tip-overs from Andy, who may find himself occupying the sticks again next season if he's not careful.

There were a flurry of half-time changes that are too complex to go into detail over, but basically Chris was now at right back and Nick in goal. Mani was up front with Lefils.

But the second half started terribly when Barely seemed to move in slow-motion as Bathelona cut a swathe down their right and lobbed the ball in the net past a speechless Nick. 4-1 now, and dreams of a draw for Barely looked to be ebbing away like their memories of youth. Bathelona stepped up their game and time and again Barely were clearing their lines with Danny, more comfortable now at centre-back, prominent with a series of headers and interceptions. However, Barely capitalised with the most nonchalent of finishes from Mani when he scooped the ball over the advancing keeper while under pressure from defenders. Mani does a nice line in trotting away insouciantly.

Highlights from the rest of the game: Mike's half-cartwheel and ankle-flick in the box. Nick's langorously dynamic diving save. Sam being told off for his linesmanship by a member of the opposition's wife. And the Herculean man-of-the-match performance by Richie, who eventually subbed himself from exhaustion. Bathelona's fifth was a nice finish too, which kind of rubbed salt in Barely's wounds after their efforts, but even taking into account a largely one-eyed refereeing performance Bathelona were worthy winners and hope now to go on and defeat Easton Monday to take the title. That game will be an interesting battle.

Next up: the Barely Masters Golf Tournament this weekend, as players relax from the season's strains by thwacking a ball hundreds of yards at a time. Reports will follow.... as will team photos and stats galore from our resident facts man.

More archive footage

2008-05-08T15:24:00.002Z

From the Jerry Gyde collection - some golf pics of one of the Barely Masters. A disappointing lack of chequered slacks.

Monday make bleak Wednesday for Barely

2008-05-08T08:28:00.003Z

Easton Monday 3 Barely Athletic 1

Goal: Steve

Defence: Rich B, Tom, Quentin, Andy

Midfield: Nick, Sam, Jacko, Mike

Attack: Manrouf, Lefils

Subs: Phil, Danny, Richie, Ioan, Chris

All good things must come to an end - things like the Sopranos, the cadburys creme egg window, and the funniness of Steve Martin. And last night at Fairfield School Easton Monday ended Barely's unbeaten league record with a performance of rare panache that Barely, try as they might, couldn't quite equal.

They had their moments. After a shaky start when the defence seemed to be doing most of the work, Barely edged their way into the game as they strove to keep the ball on the ground and engineer some chances for their strikers. For a while the game looked fairly even but then Monday eased up a gear and began bossing things - and this period of pressure led to the goal, as Tom, sick to the eye teeth of winning the man of the match award, deftly nodded the ball past his dad for an intended easy catch but a resultant own goal. Monday politely declined to celebrate over-exuberantly.

Richie made changes - despite having a gammy eye (the reporter hereby prints a full and frank denial that we alluded anything else on the night of the Chelsea - Liverpool game) the boss brought himself on in midfield and moved Sam to the wing. Richie's frenetic energy gave Monday something else to think about, but Barely could still not exert any real authority, and they got the scores level thanks only to Lefils' persistance and some ludicrous ball-patting by the defender as, lying prone, he pushed the ball away from Fizzy's feet with his hand. Initially hesitant, the Monday ref gave the spot kick after some impressively indignant changes of octave in the Barely larynxes.

At this point we should say that, penalty reluctance aside, the reffing from the Monday players was commendably fair-minded.

Lefils battered in the penalty for his seventh goal of the season and Barely were back in the game. However, neither side were able to take a lead before the break and this was due to the obstinacy of both defences and the cat-like reactions of Steve, who was playing through injury after taking a blow on the hand. Jacko had a shot from distance saved and Fizzy saw a couple of chances go whistling just wide of the far post as Barely enjoyed their strongest spell of the half.

So; half-time. Steve took a turn on the bench as Danny came on at right-back for Mike in a tactical reshuffle. Barely resumed play looking slightly better balanced and, every now and again, breaking forward in numbers as they began to put some moves together. But they always foundered on the rock of the Monday defence, with the keeper pretty much untested. And at the other end Nick was busy, but he could do nothing about a first-time half-volley that was swept beyond him to give Monday the lead. It was an uphill struggle for Barely here on in, with Monday looking comfortable in possession and playing an unhurried game that they could not be hassled out of. Barely tried though. Another Jacko shot - Andy shot high. Fizzy was brought down on the edge of the box and, after a lung-busting scream of pain, got up and belted the ball over the bar. And Steve almost found himself with a heading chance at point-blank range, but the ball bounced agonisingly over his head. Richie made a last throw of the dice with Ioan coming on for Mani for a spell up front, but the Welsh wizard was stifled by the big guns of the Monday defence.

All that said, Monday looked good for the win, looking always the likelier scorers despite impressive defending by Barely, especially Phil (on for the hamstrung Quent), who caught the eye with a series of tackles. When the home side scored again with the last kick (neé header) of the game from a corner, it did not flatter them. Barely's hardest game of the season, played in sapping heat, ended with their first league defeat, though there was no shame in losing to the likely champions. But it would be nice to end the season next week with a result - something the return of co-manager Jim can only help.

In a wide spread of votes, Steve and Jacko shared the man of the match vote, though the clincher for Steve was the fact Tom already had it at home.

From the Vaults

2008-05-07T10:22:00.004Z

There are a lot of things in the Barely vaults including several skeletons, some Brut 33 and a pair of maroon pants that haven't seen soap suds since 1983. But whilst browsing through the other ephemera longtime Barely stalwart Jerry Gyde happened across these pictorial delights from years gone by. The Barely Reporter recognises a few cherubic faces but perhaps someone can fill in the blanks?

Barely's evening performance dashes Reunion

2008-05-01T08:26:00.009Z

Barely Athletic 1 Reunion 0

Goal: Steve

Defence: Andy, Danny, Quentin, Tom

Midfield: Rich B, Jacko, Sam, Nick

Attack: Manrouf, Lefils

Sub: Chris

Devoted attendees: Martin, Phil

If football is sometimes like poetry then last night's ground-out result was closer to a couple of drunks singing on their way back from a lock-in. There was music in there somewhere, but it was lost amidst the bleary ramblings of half-remembered tunes and abrupt halts as the players struggled to hit the right note.

Yes, it's the time of the season where the Autumnal flurry of excitement has long-gone and tired players are doggedly doing their best to eke out a result. And hats off to Barely; that's exactly what they did against a competitive Reunion side.

With co-manager Richie mysteriously off sick on the very night his (other) beloved team played the pivotal match of their season (bad luck Richie) it was left to Jim to arrange the side, and he charitably refereed the first half whilst shuffling his players to accomodate the returning Quentin, who slotted in at centre-back as Tom moved to the right. But missing both their managers and with a couple of shorties in the middle of the park, Barely looked a hesitant side in the early stages, and one was reminded of their early season form when they often looked sluggish at the opening. Gradually, perceptibly, Barely's players got their foot on the ball and started to edge things, but couldn't quite find the final pass. Their best chance came when Lefils put through Mani but the Gallic marksman skewed the ball just wide.

But a breakthrough came from an unlikely source. As Barely pressurised Quentin had pushed further and further up the pitch, and it was his Jim-or-Richie-like run into the box that saw the ball batted down by a defender's hand. Jim had no hesitation in pointing to the spot, and though the keeper got a hand to Lefils' penalty, it had enough power to bulge the back of the net despite his interception.

At half-time Jim brought himself on for the now-reffing Sam (who swopped with Jacko later) and Chris went up front in place of Mani, who took up linesman duties. Steve and Nick swopped places, as is their wont.

Initially the game was fairly decent, but after ten minutes or so it took on a ragged composure and neither side really looked likely to score unless it came from a mistake. As the half wore on one or two of Reunion decided to contest every decision by the reluctant refs, and this didn't help the game's pallor as tempers began to fray. In a game that was largely even-tempered for the first hour it was a shame that every throw-in or tackle became a bone of contention for both sides. But maybe this approach serves Reunion well, as they were arguably the stronger side as the game drew to it's conclusion. After forcing a series of corners they had the ball in the net at one stage, but it had crossed the touchline in the build-up and Barely escaped.

One keystone moment from Nick aside in the goal ("it bobbled in the air" he said later) - though in fairness we should also mention a couple of crucial catches - the game drew to an end and Barely had ground out an impressive result. Reunion were well-organised and mobile, so a victory was no mean feat, albeit via the penalty spot. Chris made an impressive turn at centre-forward, winning several headers and at one stage dribbling through about four defenders, though the game was mainly about the defenders, who were uniformly excellent for Barely, with Danny and Quentin bossing the back line to the manner born. Serial award-winner Tom squeaked the Man of the Match gong, but one damp spot on proceedings was a hamstring injury to midfield maestro Jim, who we wish a speedy recovery.

Barely now have a week to recover before the next game.

Barely Undo Swift on Gullible Travels

2008-04-28T10:21:00.005Z

Barely Athletic 3 Swift 2

Goal: Steve

Defence: Nick, Tom, Danny, Andy

Midfield: Richie, Jacko, Jim, Sam

Attack: Lefils, Mani

Sub: Phil

Barely maintained their league momentum yesterday with an inspired second half after a first period that was fairly risible by recent standards. With Swift apparently struggling in the league Barely were favourites before the off, but for the first 45 minutes they were outplayed and outfought by a Swift team hell-bent on gaining three points. Barely began gingerly when a rare mistake by Tom let in an attacker on goal, and Steve had to get down quickly to push the ball away. That danger over, another one presented itself when Swift established themselves as serial winners of headers, particularly their big number nine. It was predominantly pressure from the home team and therefore a surprise when Barely opened the scoring.

Our heroes won a corner with a bit of pressure, and the ball was cleared as far as Jim. A quick interchange with Sam and Mani later, Jim fired the ball into the six-yard box where Lefils just did enough to see the ball bobble in off the post.

Swift obviously felt this was a little unfair, and came looking for justice. They found it when a deft chip beat Steve all ends up, and shortly afterwards went ahead after Barely failed to clear a free-kick and the ball was stabbed in from close-range.

Barely came off at the break looking sheepish to say the least - Lefils was enraged enough to kick a passing steward, had there been one present. Richie squinted his brow thoughtfully and made changes. As is traditional, Nick went in goal for Steve and the first-half stopper went to the right wing. Phil came on at right-back for Nick and Sam went up front with Mani. The general consensus was that Barely should quit hitting the ball long and play their simple passing game that serves them so well in training, and they took to the pitch determind to make amends.

And from the off Barely looked a different team. Long balls were reduced to a minimum and the midfield began to work like a well-oiled machine - the footballing midfield machine, in fact, that Brunel was working on close to his death. Not ten minutes had passed when Richie worked his way banana-like to the left touchline, and skewed the ball back for his co-conspirator Jim to squeeze the ball under the keeper at the near post. Two-two.

Then, from a corner, Jacko exchanged passes with Danny and flighted a ball into the box, where Andy lamped the ball into the roof of the net. Barely were all over the game like a cheap suit. In fact the only real pressure they suffered at the hands of Swift were a couple of corners and some adventurous goalkeeping by Nick, who likes to keep his defence on their toes.

But the more likely scorers were Barely. Lefils returned to the fray and began opening up chances for his team-mates that Swift, never giving up, managed to block and clear. Andy fired narrowly wide. And Tom managed to partly concuss himself with a headed clearance that saw Barely's number one son reeling around like a sailor let loose on the grog.

But thankfully the feeling passed and Tom saw out the game, which ended 3-2 in Barely's favour. A good result, considering they pretty much achieved it in one half, Lefils' goal not withstanding. Man of the Match by a landslide was Jim, who covered every blade of grass, set up one goal and scored another. Danny and Phil were the only other players to feature in the vote, although the Barely Reporter would like to tip its hat to the whole midfield in the second half. Barely now have a succession of Wednesday night games with which to finish the season, and there is talk of Quentin, Dave Williams and Jerry all returning to the fold. A vintage line-up for a vintage season? We'll see.

*

In other news, Barely manager Richie has put it to the Barely Reporter that he would welcome some kind of Opta stats to measure the effectiveness of his team. At time of writing, we only have one forgetful reporter and no technology to speak of, however if all Barely players would like to add (in comments section below, settings have been changed to allow anyone to comment) their estimated pass success rate we can at least have a good laugh.

Finally Sam is making a swift (no pun intended) recovery after running so hard he threw up all afternoon, and has warned he expects the same commitment from the whole team on Wednesday. "There's not enough gut-busting in this team" the fiery utility player tub-thumped. "I expect at least one cardiac episode this week, or I'll be disappointed."

Hill Farm reap a point

2008-04-20T13:13:00.004Z

Barely Athletic 0 Hill Farm 0

Goal: Steve

Defence: Nick, Tom, Rich B, Chris

Midfield: Mike, Jim, Rich J, Richie

Attack: Mani, Sam

Subs: Gareth, Lee

Babysitting: Billy.

It does no disservice to Hill Farm to say their goalkeeper was the reason they came away with the point. Barely bossed the game for long periods but simply couldn't find a way past the acrobatic man between the sticks, who served notice of his ability when he got down low to Sam's header, after Mike had charged into the box early doors and got the ball onto the forehead of Lefils' understudy. The ball stuck to the goalie like an unwanted bogey sticks to a reluctant finger, and that, uh, finger, to force the metaphor, haunted Barely throughout the next 90 minutes.

Without key players like the aforementioned Lefils, Danny, Andy, and Phil, Barely put in a good performance overall, as they edged things in terms of possession and looked unflustered at the back despite a patched-up defence. However with the fledgling partnership of Mani and Sam upfront, they couldn't quite find a way through to give them the goal their play arguably deserved. Twenty minutes in Lee came on for Nick as a precautionary measure and added his voluble presence in terms of organisation, as well as a comfortable stint at left-back. Barely pushed on, but in a first half largely notable for the absence of goalmouth action, Steve was not called on to make a single save and his opposite number, whilst busy, looked at ease with what the home team had to offer.

Richie made just one change at the break, with Nick going in goal for Steve. The second half was a more open affair, especially late on as Barely legs tired and to be fair at this point the energetic Hill Farm mounted a sustained period of pressure. But previous to this it was all Barely, as Jim (the ticking midfield time-bomb abetting Jacko's pinpoint-pendulum), Mani, and Richie all saw shots gobbled up by the Hill Farm custodian. Sam, found by the impressively busy Richie in the box, had a shot tipped over the crossbar, but should have done better from another chance when he scuffed the ball low into the keeper's arms. Jacko, despite a fine display at midfield, left his shooting boots at home and managed to gouge a trough out of the turf in his enthusiasm for a goal. Even Tom managed to get forward, but a long distant effort went wide.

If this match report seems to resemble a list of near-misses, that's because at times that's what it was. To give Hill Farm their due however, they managed to eke out some chances of their own as the half wore on but by and large Nick was well-positioned for simple catches. Gareth came on at right-midfield and made one swashbuckling dash down the wing only to have his cross swallowed up by a box lacking in attackers.

When the last ten minutes arrived Barely were spent, and at one stage it looked like Hill Farm would nick a winner - and they might have done but for goal-line clearances by Tom and Chris. Barely were still trying to knock the ball around but Hill Farm were looking stronger, and must have been thinking they had ridden out the storm and had the momentum to take the points.

But Barely are made of stronger stuff than that, and a universally satisfying team performance ended with the game goalless when Bob blew the final whistle. The Barely Reporter gives every player at least 8 out of ten, but the player vote was a three-way tie between Tom, Rich B and tackling-maestro Chris, who was given the award in recognition of the fact that Tom and Rich had had it already and the team wanted them to keep a bit of humility, so previous holder Tom may have to take it out of the frame above his bedroom mirror again.

A tough and congested run-in sees Barely take to the field against Swift next Sunday. If they can add a bit of steel to their attack and continue to defend like this, anything is possible. Especially if the Swift keeper doesn't prove to be another bogeyman.

Barely leave Westbury wondering

2008-04-15T10:45:00.003Z

Westbury Wanderers 1 Barely Athletic 2

Goal: Steve

Defence: Rich B, Danny, Tom, Sam

Midfield: Mike, Richie, Jim, Nick

Attack: Mani, Lefils

Subs: Andy, Rich J

Barely extended their unbeaten run in the league to five games at the weekend with a narrow victory over Westbury Wanderers. Both teams had their moments, but both also had times when it looked as though the pitch - an undulating bobbly-jumper of a surface - was doing them no favours. Asking Barely to produce their slick pass and move game in such an environment was equivalent to asking Ronnie O'Sullivan to produce a 147 break whilst playing snooker on a shaggy rug. He'd give it a go because he's that sort of man, but then he'd probably get cheesed off and storm out of the Crucible, lamping an official en route.

Thankfully, there were no such histrionics from the Barely players. If there were one might wonder what they were doing in the Crucible in the first place, as there was a match to be won in Eastville. And win it they did, though the aforementioned pitch didn't lend proceedings any real sense of spectacle. Instead it was a hard-working game by both sides, played in commendably fine spirit. Indeed, your correspondent feels that this match would be a great example of the Casual League's ethos as, despite no lack of competitive edge, frustrations were kept to a minimum and the Westbury players were noble in defeat, not to stray into the Stuart Hall territory of overexuberance and verbosity.

So: the game. Unusally for Barely, they moved up through the gears quickly from the off and avoided the usual early game lethargy. Nonetheless, they did have some pressure to soak up and the Barely defence, particularly the centre-back pairing of Tom and Danny, were imperious. At the other end, like Westbury, Barely were struggling in a similar vein to test the keeper, though they did force a few corners. It was from one of these that the deadlock was broken, after Barely had seen a shot pushed wide from the keeper. The resultant corner was cleared by the Westbury defence, but only as far as Sam, who touched the ball wide right to Mike. Mike's cross sailed over the crowd in the box to the far post, where Mani headed gratefully in for his second goal of the season.

At this point Barely were edging proceedings and probably deserved their lead as they came off at half time. Danny took the ref's whistle for the second half and Rich Batten moved from left to centre-back. Andy Lillford made his long awaited return from a broken leg to slot in a left-back. Richie took himself off for Rich Jackson, and Steve and Nick swapped places between left wing and goalkeeper.

But the start of the second half was mostly Westbury Wanderers, who were obviously stung by their team talk at the break. But again, Nick was rarely tested as Tom and Rich B marshalled the defence with aplomb. When Wanderers did look likely to score there were goal-line clearances from Sam and Tom to bail them out. And as the half wore on, Barely came back into the game. Rich J began to exert his customary poise and Mani and Lefils started to link with the midfield. They began to mount a series of attacks - that Westbury in turn looked to counter-attack from. But with legs tiring, the long-distance engines of Pinnell and Batten looked comfortable dealing with that threat.

Defences being dominant, it looked to be heading for a 1-0 win for Barely when a couple of late goals enlivened the endgame. First blood went to Barely when the tireless Mani put in Lefils for a simple tap-in. Then, with seconds remaining, Westbury got a consolation when an attacker nodded in from a corner. But it was too late to save them, and Barely go into next week's game in solid form.

Man of the match was Tom Pinnell, though the Barely reporter would also put in honourable mentions for Rich B, Mani, and Danny's first half (and willingness to ref the second). With Lillford's return to the fold and Batten's apparent comfort in the middle, Barely now have several options in defence for managers Jim and Richie to ponder. Next week: (if it doesn't rain) Hill Farm Casuals.

Barely suffer surprise probe at hands of Flying Saucers

2008-03-09T14:32:00.010Z

Barely Athletic 5 Flying Saucers 5

Goal: Steve

Defence: Danny, Tom P, Phil, Rich B

Midfield: Sam, Rich J, Jim, Mike

Attack: Mani, Lefils

Sub: Rich Sloper, Richie Cormack

It was the biggest ding-dong battle since the great doorbell war of 1974, when Nutone eventually bought up Brighton Electrics in a hostile takeover after a prolonged and very public financial war. Somehow, Barely found themselves 3-1 up despite playing no better than when they conceded the opening goal in their ongoing tradition of opening sluggishness. Flying Saucers rallied, and went into the break 3-4 up. Barely found some form and got back to 5-4, only to give away a cheap goal with what was the last kick of the game.

Our correspondent was granted exclusive access to Barely's dressing room for the post-mortem, but found disappointingly that constructing the game from these disparate interpretations would be rather like getting the description of an absent clown from a load of colour-blind amnesiacs. Only Rich Jackson seemed able to give a version of events that seemed calm and objective - rather like the type of performances Rich Jackson puts in week in and out, with nary a mention in the Barely Reporter - as Rich Jackson was quick to point out last month. The Barely Reporter is working on a appearances-to-mentions table to examine his claims which we will be publishing in the future.

But back to the game. Barely had almost their full complement of Riches, with only Rich Walters missing, as long-term absentee Rich Sloper made a return to the squad after a succession of presumably lazy Sundays. Richie Cormack gamely refereed the first half, Rich Batten began at left-back and Rich 'Action' Jackson took up his unsung role in midfield. Lefils and Manrouf supplied the 'French Connection' as they paired up to spearhead the attack, their moniker presumably inspired by the gritty 1971 film by William Friedkin and not the pastelly-toned high street shop of the same name who have somehow made billions from deliberately misspelling a swearword. Also, they're both French. At the back Phil and Tom P formed the centre of defence and Danny took up the left-back position behind Mike.

But despite the apparent strength of Barely's line-up they began in a fairly half-arsed fashion. Flying Saucers to be fair were not playing total football - they were just doing the simple things well, and it was enough to see Barely looking slightly dazzled. The away side took a deserved lead early on as Barely reeled around in a collective daze. It took the magic boots of Rich Batten, setting out his stall for the man-of-the-match award he ultimately won, to batter in an equalizer after Barely finally managed to exert some coherent pressure. Rich Jackson had been urging him to shoot, and he did.

Not to be forgotten, Lefils controlled a ball on the right, and from a narrow angle rifled the ball into the top left corner to give Barely the lead. And despite Flying Saucers still looking better at this stage in almost every aspect (except when they encountered the determined and on-form Rich Batten), Lefils added his second and Barely's third when he despatched Mike's cross from the left to put his team 3-1 up. For both goals Barely were grateful to have Rich Jackson lurking in midfield.

But the game was a long way from over. To credit Flying Saucers, their heads never went down - probably because they knew the lead flattered Barely. And in the course of about eight mad minutes they scored three goals to ease them into the break a very creditable 4-3 up.

The team needed a shake-up, and Richie got out the broom for the changes. Jim had already agreed to ref the second half, so Rich Sloper joined Rich Jackson in centre-midfield, Richie himself went wide left, coming on for Sam, and Steve and Mike swapped positions. The changes had the desired effect, as immediately Richie's manic energy put the opposition under pressure and forced the game to up a gear. Barely looked a different team, as suddenly Flying Saucers were no longer carving out openings but Barely were instead. And again, Lefils was the one to capitalise as he first dribbled around the keeper to put Barely level (Rich Jackson disappointingly nowhere to be seen) and then gave the home team the lead, when Rich Batten galloped past a couple of challenges and put in a cross we are contractually bound to describe as a 'peach', leaving Lefils with the job of nodding into the net.

Thereafter Barely were dominant and really should have built on their lead. Lefils set up Sam, who was on for Mani, but unfortunately the diminutive firebrand spooned his shot over the bar. In that respect he was the ideal replacement for Mani, who had done exactly the same thing earlier in the half. Rich Sloper ran on a mazy Giggs-like run, if Giggs were sustained by clockwork and nearing the end of his power-up, before plonking a shot onto the post. Despite the wing play of Richie setting up further openings for the attack, that was as close as they got. Nevertheless Barely were so improved the one goal looked to be enough for a long time, Flying Saucers only real chance being an overhead kick that Danny cleared off the line.

But without that two-goal cushion, there was always a chance for Flying Saucers, and Barely succumbed to what would be unfair on Flying Saucers to describe as a sucker punch, but was nonetheless unexpected to a degree. With the seconds ticking out, a right-wing cross ended at the feet of Mike, now in goal, and what happened after that to the minute detail is a matter of interpretation, but Danny and Mike were certainly unable to stop the ball going in the net - and neither was Rich Jackson, who will be furious with himself.

There was no time for Barely to respond, and they cannot complain about the result, especially as Flying Saucers played the game in very good spirit right to the end. Rich Batten picked up the Man of the Match award, as the general consensus was that Lefils really should have scored six goals instead of a paltry four. Much improvement needed from him. And despite the disappointment of a point dropped Barely do remain unbeaten in the league, and with the Casual Leagues 2pts-for-a-win system, their third draw in four games sees them drop only 3 points rather than six. Whilst that fact may be essentially the epitome of straw-clutching, it is nonetheless mathmatically reassuring.

Barely need to improve. Their post-match analysis mined a rich seam of teasing for the several Barely players who weren't at their best, but management team Richie and Jim would surely rather be celebrating a win and slagging off the other team instead. Next week gives them a chance to put the theory to the test as they take on the big guns of Reunion.

Barely give Nobs a hard time.

2008-02-10T14:40:00.000Z

Barely Athletic 9 Nailsea Old Boys 2

Goal: Steve

Defence: Chris, Tom P, Danny, Rich B

Midfield: Sam, Jim, Rich J, Richie

Attack: Manrouf, Lefils

Subs: Tom 2, Mike, Bob

Yes, that slightly laboured innuendo is in honour of Barely's comprehensive defeat of the always-competitive Nobs this morning. Perhaps a little foresight on Nick's part is to be applauded as he elected to play this game on astroturf, a surface that suits Barely's pass and move game, on the random occasions they get it going.

This morning was one of those days.

Barely shrugged off their traditional opening-ten-minutes lethargy and having dealt with Nob's early threat, set about opening the scoring themselves. Lefils and Mani were the epitomy of pace, positioning, power, and any complimentary adjective beginning with 'p' that you care to mention. They linked well with midfield and even better with each other - after Lefils opened the scoring he set up Mani for the second as Barely looked to trouble the Nobs defence every time they had the ball. Around the half-hour mark Rich B broke into the box and was barged over: penalty. Nobs felt hard done by but your correspondent feels the decision was just: the player ran across Rich without gaining control of the ball. Lefils plonked the penalty into the back of the net and Barely went into the break with a 3-0 lead.

Nobody was slapping themselves on the back however - Nobs are not a side who give up the ghost at any stage, and the team felt the next goal would be crucial. Tom (2) came on in defence, Mike to right-wing and Chris gamely went between the sticks as Barely made minor adjustments.

But it was the home team who scored again first as Lefils completed his hat-trick with a dribble and near-post finish, and then Tom added a fifth with a slightly deflected free-kick. "It would have gone in anyway" Tom confirmed after the game, possibly optimistically. In fact those goals may have been the other way around such was the dizzying speed of the second half, and the glut of goals. Nobs lived up to their reputation as whatever the opposite of quitters is by forcing in a couple of goals themselves - both well finished.

But these came amidst a further four goals for Barely. Jim finished off a fantastic, intricate move that went through the whole of the Barely midfield before he switched feet to make room for himself and slotted home. "Impact player" Mike marked his debut with a simple tap-in as Barely inevitably managed to convert some of the many chances they were creating. Rich Jackson got up to the far post to cushion a looping header over the keeper from Mike's cross. And Jim finished things off with a deft lob to give Barely their biggest win in a while. It might have been a larger score but for some profligacy from the Barely players - Bob in particular will be disappointed to have come on for a run-out at the end only to fall over when through on goal. But he was not alone. However it was a day for celebration in the end as Barely, knocked out of the cup, continue their tentative involvement in the league with a third game unbeaten.

Man of the match was a tricky vote with the team (finishing aside, though it seems picky to say so after nine goals) uniformly excellent. But Lefils' hat-trick was hard to ignore, with Tom P finishing runner-up after an imperious display of centre-halfism.

Next up: Flying Saucers.

Axa swing on Barely

2007-11-26T10:58:00.001Z

AXA 1 Barely Athletic 1

Goal: Steve

Defence: Danny, Tom, Phil, Rich Batten

Midfield: Richie, Jim, Rich Jackson, Sam

Attack: Manrouf, Andy

Subs: Rich Walters, Chris, Nick, Ioan

Barely were looking forward to a first win of the season yesterday when AXA staged a late rally and nabbed a point. The result was probably a fair one, although perhaps a little harsh on Steve, who had kept goal like the proverbial cat in the preceding 75 minutes with three world class, or at least UK class, reaction saves.

With a plethora of players to choose from, tactician-in-chief Richie shuffled his pack and tried Andy Lillford upfront, partnering Mani, and moved Sam into midfield. Danny took the left-back berth and Rich Batten returned at right-back. After their traditionally flimsy opening five minutes, Barely looked solid enough against a well-organised AXA side, who never did a great deal of running (with one or two notable exceptions) but used the ball exceedingly well.

The first half was a tight affair but AXA edged it, with Steve pulling out his man of the match perfomance to keep the scores at nil-nil, and Barely making some deft breaks through the middle as Mani and Andy tried to put each other through. But Barely couldn't quite carve out the decent chance to put them ahead. At half-time Chris made his 11-a-side debut taking the right-back slot and Rich Walters partnered Andy up front. If AXA had shaded the first half it was now Barely's turn to take charge and much of their pressure resulted from the strikeforce constantly harassing the AXA defence. But they looked to have held firm, until Richie played a quick one-two from a corner and belted in a goal from the edge of the box, aided slightly by a deflection.

Barely's confidence soared after this and with the team in slightly unchic orange and black stripes bossing, Barely looked to have sewn up the points. But no. AXA doggedly fought their way back into the game and after another save by Steve, Barely's keeper was finally beaten at the near post as an attacker was played through. Now AXA were on top, and if anyone was going to score in the last ten minutes it looked to be the side in blue. But Barely rallied again, and almost scored a winner when Jim was played through on goal. But the keeper smothered it well.

Richie shuffled the line-up again as both sides looked for the three points but Bob blew the whistle on the game with honours even. Man of the Match went to Steve in a landslide victory, but in truth everyone had a pretty good day at the office. It was a solid performance against a good side. But Barely go into next week's game without a win in three games this season, and facing up and coming Flying Saucers.

Axa swing on Barely

2007-11-26T10:58:00.000Z

Barely Shot Down By Cowboys

2007-11-05T15:02:00.000Z

Barely Athletic 3 Easton Cowboys 5

"We're a league team" insists Fry.

Goal: Steve

Defence: Andy, Danny, Tom, Sam

Midfield: Richie, Jim, Rich, Gareth

Attack: Nick, 'Young' Rich

Sub: John.

Unable to muster more than 12 players, Barely took to the field looking a little ragged but up for a game. Danny and Sam played with colds, Gareth returned from lengthy injury lay-off, and Jim needed a painkilling injection of nicotine before he could kick a ball. No-one can say Barely are not men.

Barely usually lose to Easton and they usually lose in the cup so in a way the result was a foregone conclusion, but by golly Barely gave it everything they had, plus a little they didn't. They began on the defensive but with Danny reading the game as perceptively as ever, and Tom fleet of foot to cover the through-balls, Steve remained for the most part untested as Barely sought to make incremental forays in the other direction. As they managed to settle the team began putting a few little moves together, but they remained vulnerable on the counter-attack and had to remain alert.

However Barely's first concession came from a corner, as an attacker stole in at the far post to cannon a header into the top of the net. Sam, guarding the post, was simply bypassed by elevation. Before the team could draw their breath it seemed Easton had another, this time helped by a non-existent offside decision from Bob the ref. However not having supplied a linesman Barely had no grounds for complaint when the ball was subsequently swept in from close range. Two-nil down, and Barely at this stage hadn't looked like scoring.

So Andy, fed up with it all, just ran past about three players and smashed the ball goalwards. The keeper got a hand to it but not enough to stop the ball going in off the post in a very Darren Anderton vs Sweden-in-the-last-minute sort of fashion. His exuberant celebrations were not exactly Corinthian but it was the filip Barely needed, and when the second half began they played their best football of the game for the first twenty minutes of it.

John's presence (on for Gareth) boosted the midfield with some snapping interceptions and snappier passing, and suddenly Barely were at the races. They shrugged off a third goal by Easton to come back to 3-2 when 'young' Rich deftly headed in Andy's cross after excellent work down Barely's left - the focus for most of their attacks. But, enthused by a potential comeback, Barely began to leave spaces and combined with tiring legs it was room for Easton to exploit, which they duly did. Two sublime lobs and one near-post finish Nick was disappointed not to save later, and Barely were out of it. A generously awarded penalty from Steve (Bob became a player for the last ten minutes) was despatched by Tom but by that point there was only one winner, and Easton deserved it overall.

A good game played in the right spirit by both teams, and one Barely can take heart from in that despite the missing persons they still played some flowing football, and when they get the defence sorted they look in good shape for another strong season.

Man of the Match went to 'Young' Rich Walter for his ceaseless running and superb goal, shaking off the close attentions of Andy and Richie who provided most of Barely's attacking threat. But there were no losers yesterday, football was the winner, so on and so forth...

LILLFORD RESCUES BARELY

2007-09-09T12:17:00.000Z

Russell Athletic 2 Barely Athletic 2

Goal: Steve

Defence: Rich Batten, Danny, Phil, Andy

Midfield: Barry, Rich Jackson, Jim, Manrouf

Attack: John, Nick

Sub: Ritchie Cormack

What a way to start the season. A first-half performance that had the sublime and ridiculous rolled into one messy football sandwich, a fading second half from Barely only for Andy Lillford to knock in a cracking free kick at the death to rescue a point.

It was a muggy September day and Russell's home game was held at the Old Bristolians club - a damn fine pitch, if a little firm. The manicured grass boded well for Barely early on as they took the game to Russell, who were suffering the handicap of being a player short. Despite that Russell held their own defensively but Barely, with their extra man, were edging possession and at one stage seemed sure to score only for the Russell keeper to race from his line and deny John with a smart stop after a Jim Fry through-ball.

But, the dropped jaws of the assembled ring-rusty Barely players, it was Russell who took the lead - and disappointingly for Steve it was direct from a corner. The incoming ball had pace and swerve and Steve, looking suprised, got both hands to it only to see it deflect into the roof of the net. Not an own goal, but not pretty either. Mind you, David Seaman used to do that sort of thing all the time. And he was an England international with an attractive wife and some pedigree dogs.

Barely picked themselves up and looked for an equalizer - but though they were ekeing out some chances here and there in the main they were repelled by a sturdy Russell back line. The breakthrough eventually came when there was a handball - disputed, but when aren't they - in the penalty area and Ritchie pointed to the spot. Up stepped Jim who placed the ball neatly to the keeper's left, and thus it stayed until half time shortly afterwards.

Ritchie and Jim shuffled things a little at half-time, with Ritchie bringing himself on for debutant Barry, and taking up a position somewhere in the midfield, we think - hard to pin down exactly. Steve came into the outfield as Nick pulled the gloves on for his traditional second half. But Barely seemed to lose momentum after a good opening ten minutes, and Russell began to dominate. This was before their 11th man finally showed, and any desperate hopes that "it's harder to beat ten men, so this'll be easier now" were cast adrift as Russell's dominance became stronger, and around the hour mark they scored, a low ball back into the box from a Barely clearance being sidefooted in by an unmarked attacker.

Barely tried to rouse themselves. They attacked, and Russell countered. The longer the game went on the more likely another goal looked, but which end was impossible to tell. Several times Barely attacks broke down and they were rescued by Phil, Danny, or at one stage a spectacular diving tackle from Rich Batten, from the resultant Russell counter. At the other end Barely managed to get some shots off but they were generally smothered by the keeper, and at one stage deftly turned over for a corner. Tension mounted. With stoppage timing looming, barely launched themselves forward again, and Ritchie burst towards the box only to be cynically chopped down. Sam, now reluctantly reffing, only failed to book the offender because he didn't have a yellow card. Or a pen. Or a notepad, for that matter. But he gave the perpetrator a very stern look.

Nonetheless the damage was about to be done. Andy Lillford, last season's top scorer, stepped up and belted the ball into the top left-hand corner to send the players into a kind of sedated pandemonium, such were the state of their bodies at this stage after a barbeque-al-fresco-fuelled summer. Only a minute later the whistle blew for full-time and it ended honours even. Probably just about fair, in that the teams shaded a half each, and of course, scored the same amount of goals which in these instances tend to be pivotal. But Barely knew they'd had a lucky escape, especially considering the top-drawer save Nick had pulled out of his locker (metaphorically) to keep the deficit to a single goal only five minutes previously. They will hope to up their conversion rate at the next game.

Man of the match award was a tight one, with Mani, Andy and Danny to name but three standing out in the eyes of your correspondent. Ritchie gave the team mobility when he came on, but the vote deservedly went to Jim Fry for his usual string-pulling roll in midfield, and of course lthe levelling goal from the spot. With the opening fixture out of the way and a point on the board, Barely will be looking to try and replicate last season's good form here on in.

Barely Athletic Golf Society (BAGS) Masters 2007

2007-06-14T15:12:00.000Z

Friday 8th June 2007, Lansdown Golf Club

The BAGS arrived (minus WAGS, of course) in a state of nervous anticipation for the keenly awaited 2007 Masters Championship….drivers polished, irons scrubbed, tees selected and balls washed (ooh err missus).

This year’s event, however, promised a few new challenges.

Firstly, the weather looked like it might be on our side for once – something of a change for golfers who are more used to battling high winds and torrential rain.
Secondly, a new course against which to pit our (limited) wits and skill. The old venue of Stockwood Vale had served us well, but held too many distracting memories of the follies of youth (for Jim) and equally distracting well-crafted fantasies conjured up by those whom Jim had chosen to share his breast-related Cider with Rosie-esque experiences. Also, Stockwood Vale only ever served Chicken for lunch and Lansdown promised Gammon & Chips with Apple Pie – easy choice!
Lastly, there was the unprecedented challenge of a dress code of all things! Bob, organiser of the day and Lansdown Member, had drilled the BAGS on the requirement for golf shoes, tailored shorts/trousers and collared, ideally pastel shade shirts. Clearly Bob, now possibly regretting offering his Club for the BAGS Masters, feared he may shortly be an ex-Member of Lansdown Golf Club! The BAGS, however, rose to the challenge and would have graced the fairways of Augusta itself. The same though cannot be said of Bob, who turned out in cargo shorts and Hawaiian shirt and would not have looked out of place on the set of Miami Vice (as one of the dodgy beach front dealers who hang out under the pier).

Anyway, 10 am came – tee off time. The teams were as follows:

Captain BirdsEye (Quent), Tom & Rich J
Captain Jack Sparrow (Bob), Richie & Billy
Captain America (Jerry), Steve & Danny
Captain Caveman (Ioan), Jim & Nick

A full commentary of the day cannot be given, but suffice it to so say that all drove, chipped, sliced, pulled and putted their way around and a fine time was had by all.
After a remarkably speedy round (it’s all relative, you know) of just under 5 hours (!), the BAGS retired to the Club House for refreshment and the Prize Giving!

Special welcome to two BAGS Masters virgins – Rich J and Tom (a potential bandit, but was decent enough not to win).

Player of the Day (in this Reporter’s opinion) was Jerry who led his team to victory, returned the best score of the day, came joint runner up overall Stableford and Captained the eventual Champion.

A further extra special mention for Ioan who bravely managed to play despite being unable to straighten his leg (after dislodging a chunk of cartilage in his knee - another freak Wednesday night footie injury). Pain killers, freeze spray, roll ups and a stiff upper lip got him through with flying colours though!

Finally, a very big thank you to Bob for organising the event and risking his continued membership of Lansdown. Many thanks Bob!

Golf pics galorious!

2007-06-14T15:11:00.001Z

Clockwise from left:
1 Danny – 2007 BAGS Masters Champion!

2 Jerry Gyde (again!) Steve Pinnel (left) and Joe ‘Danny’ Daniel (right) scoop the Team Prize.

3 The Champion! Danny receives the BAGS Masters Green Jacket from previous two time winner Ioan Williams. Clearly Danny is a tad surprised by the additional initiation ceremony being performed by Mr Williams from the rear (don’t think this is part of the Augusta Prize Ceremony, which is their loss of course)

4 Time to relax after the Ceremony. Mr Williams, clearly unhappy at something said by Richie, does his Alan Sugar impression – “Cormack, you’re fired!”

5 The BAGS Masters 2007 Competitors!
N.B. those with a keen eye will notice Bob still has his golf shoes on. This is the only sad episode of the day to report – someone swiped his loafers from the dressing room while he was out on the course. If anyone has any information relating to this crime, please contact Crime Stoppers. A reconstruction of the disturbing event will be screened on BBC Crime Watch this autumn.

Golf pics galore

2007-06-14T15:03:00.000Z

Clockwise from bottom left:
1. Jerry Gyde and David ‘Billy’ Cotton accept the joint runner up prize for the Masters.

2. Bob Lynn (left) accepts the thanks and appreciation of BAGS for organising the 2007 Masters (and the Trinny and Susannah ‘Best Dressed Player Award’).

3. Rich Jackson receives the Nick Ambler Award for ‘Best Value Round of the Day’ (i.e. most shots taken) – golf balls to replace those lost and a cigar (kindly donated to Jim to assist with his pre-season training regime).

4. Tom Pinnel picks up the prizes for Longest Drive and Closest to the Pin (by default as no one actually managed to hit the green on the Closest to the Pin hole)!

5. Ioan Williams (left), Master of Ceremonies, presents Jerry Gyde with the prize for best round of the day.

2007-06-14T15:02:00.000Z

Barely end the season with stirring fightback

2007-05-17T08:07:00.000Z

Barely Athletic 2 Bathelona 2

Goal: Steve

Defence: Andy, Phil, Quentin, Tom

Midfield: Mani, Jim, Paul, Gareth

Attack: Ioan and Nick

Subs: Rich Batten and Sam

Spectators: Dave and family.

The contrast between Barely' last game and this performance was fairly marked, as the free-flowing footballing cream they produced at the academy gave way to a stodgy bread pudding. And credit must go at least in part to Bathelona for this, as they frustrated Barely at every turn during the first half.

It might have been so different had Barely been able to capitalise on a strong start, but having shaded the opening quarter of an hour Barely were hit first by a goal somewhat against the run of play, and then injury when debutant Gareth limped off with a calf strain. As Rich was yet to arrive, Sam gamely donned the bee-like stripes of Barely and limped on for a gentle perambulation around the right wing. Shortly after (presumably coincidentally) Bathelona began bossing things, scored a second (that going by the surprised celebration was intended as a cross) and thereafter didn't let up their grip on proceedings as Barely held on grimly until half-time. By this time the long-awaited return of Rich Batten had taken place, arm healed, and he slotted in at right-back as Tom pushed into midfield and Sam returned to the bench.

Barely looked for positives but they were thin on the ground - except for the obvious fact they were capable of playing much much better.

Nick and Steve swapped places but other than that there were no changes. Sam urged Dave to get kitted up on the touchline but he bashfully demurred. As it turned out though, what the game needed was a couple of slightly zealous challenges to really get it going, and after Barely forced a goal off a defender early in the second half, both teams obliged as things took a spiky turn for ten minutes or so. Phil was fortunate to get away with a blatant obstruction at a Bathelona free-kick, which prompted a bit of aggressive nuzzling with the recipient. Bathelona in turn made a couple of late challenges as tempers frayed, and perversely the football improved as a result. Bathelona were playing some lovely one-touch stuff down the middle that belied their league standing, but Barely were vastly improving on their first half display, touching the dizzy heights of 'average' as Andy succinctly put it afterward.

They got their somewhat fortuitous reward when Mani's whipped cross was turned into his own net by a defender for a second Bathelona own goal, both forced by Barely's dreadlocked assist-machine. It was hard on the team who'd probably edged things in terms of possession and play over the 90 minutes. But Barely were of course jubilant, and as Bob looked up at the increasingly morbid sky, thinking of the team's safety in bad light, and perhaps dinner, both teams sought a winner.

The only chances, though, were half-chances that tired legs couldn't quite convert, though Bathelona's late flurry earned them a corner that Quentin, not for the first time, was in the right position to clear. Full-time came with both teams in better spirit and a the spoils shared.

Quent's positional play, clearances and cool head saw him steamroller the man of the match award, though following close behind in this correspondant's eyes was Phil, whose spectacular overhead clearance was possibly moment of the match, Jim, who defied his protesting lungs to keep prompting Barely until the end, and Paul, whose indefatiguable running combined with serial header-winning behaviour caught the eye. It must also be noted that after a initially hesitant 5 minutes Rich Batten was back to his high-tempo, lunging, ball-winning best.

So another season is over for Barely and it's been a good one. Plans are afoot to celebrate in the traditional way, but before the great day of dehydration and mysterious bruises comes let us cast a glance over the scoring chart for this season:

Andy LilLford 5
Tom Pinnell 4
Jim Fry 4
Alex 4
Dan Hird 4
Mani Chanfi 2
Nick Ambler 2
Lee Douglas 1
Jerry Gyde 1
Rich Batten 1
Rich Sloper 1
Rich Cormack 1
Bob Lynn 1
Sam Morrison 1

Impressively top-scorer Andy's goals have all come from left-back, Alex scored all his in one game and we think Dan scored all his in two (playing just three games). Jim's goals were all walloped in from "at least 30 yards" and both Sam and Rich Batten have the opposition keeper to thank for being on the chart at all. But they all count!

Barely Claim Runners-up Spot

2007-05-14T09:16:00.000Z

Barely Athletic 6 Nailsea Old Boys 2

Goal: Nick

Defence: Paul, Ritchie, Phil, Sam

Midfield: Mani, Alex, Jim, Chris

Attack: Ioan, Dan

Sub: 'Young' Rich

Barely Athletic broke the 59 year gypsy curse over them by beating Nailsea Old Boys in a fantastic display of attacking football yesterday, and in doing so made certain of runners-up spot with a game to play.

Both teams entered the game admitting they were missing several regulars, but Barely's long time absentees Alex and Chris slotted in as if they hadn't been away. Or as if the time they had been away was spent learning the mysterious arts of pass and move. Alex had a game he won't forget in a hurry (depending on how feverish the celebrations were), scoring four goals and pretty much dictating the play.

Barely began the game on the up and with only a few minutes on the clock Alex collected the ball from the NOBs keeper's parry and slotted just inside the far past. Owing to a hole in the net there was some confusion as to whether it had crossed the line, and subsequently there was a belated offside appeal, but referee Bob allowed the goal to stand. It was a good start, and things got better soon afterwards when Dan finished adroitly, sidefooting home a cross from the right to put Barely two up under pressure from the keeper.

Sam then limped off, with his balsa-wood groin finally giving way, and young Rich came on in his stead. Barely maintained the pressure and Alex converted a penalty after a handball to put Barely 3-0 up. Surely things couldn't get any better?

Actually, no. At least, not directly. A lovely chip over Nick gave them a toehold in the game before half-time, unfortunately coming from the boot of the otherwise impeccable Ritchie. Shortly after the restart they made it 3-2 with a cracking goal, their young striker turing at the edge of the box and finding the top corner. Barely had the wobbles. NOBs are never the type of team to let their heads go down and they'd just come back from three-nil to three-two. But Barely downed a metaphorical shot of rum and came back at NOBs. And again it was Alex who was at the centre of things, matching NOBs earlier goal with a long distance effort before adding a fifth by finishing neatly as Barely pressurised the box.

It could have been worse for NOBs but for some fine keeping by their custodian and some wayward attempts by Barely, who probably had the blood rushing to their heads ad infinitum with the thoughts of a long-awaited victory over NOBs, who have long been unfazed by Barely's attempts in the past. In the second half Ioan and Dan took turns in goal to give Nick a chance upfront, and Barely's stats man came close, as did Mani and Jim. But the comedy moment of the second half was Dan forgetting the rules and picking up emergency centre-back Ritchie's back pass, allowing NOBs a glimpse of goal somewhat against the general run of play. But they saw off the danger, and their was time for Jim to thump in his traditional 20-yarder just before the final whistle to send Barely home happy.

Man of the match award went to Alex, with no quibbling, but a mention should really go out to the whole team, who played with an assurance born of a run of good form (last week's blip against Hill Farm notwithstanding). Mani was his usual industrious self on the wing, Paul a dynamic presence at left-back, Dan and Ioan's link-up play a delight, and Nick and Ioan didn't pick up any backpasses whilst manning the sticks. Ritchie and Phil were solid at centre-back. Space does not permit a lengthy list of eulogising of each player but everyone can pat themselves on the back.

In fact it has to be said that Barely seem to play better on astro-turf, having scored fourteen goals in two games on plastic this season. That said, everyone will be champing at the bit to play against Bathelona on Wednesday and finish the season on a high. Wednesday cannot come soon enough!

To the victor the spoils. Barely.

2007-04-26T08:42:00.000Z

Barely Athletic 2 Hill Farm 1

Goal: Steve Pinnell

Defence: Andy Lillford, Quentin Alsop, Joe 'Danny' Daniel, Tom Pinnell

Midfield: Manrouf Chanfi, Jim Fry, Rich Jackson, Sam Morrison

Attack: Nick Ambler, Ioan Williams

Subs: Dan Hird, Rich Sloper.

After a prolonged stand-off over whether to use the flat pitch or the one on a camber, these teams kicked off on the latter, having been told not to play alongside some minors enjoying a game that was, frankly, a lot better quality than this one. Having played on Sunday the pre-match talk was all about who was aching the most, hardly a great omen for some quality football.

Sure enough, anyone watching the opening ten minutes might have thought they were witnessing the birth of a soccer-rollerball hybrid, as the teams kicked the ball into each others shins around the centre circle to no great effect. Barely's misgivings about their play were only matched by the relief that, at this stage at least, Hill Farm were performing no better. In truth the team in red shaded the first fifteen minutes as Barely performed their traditionally sluggish opening routine, but Steve wasn't tested in goal due to the superlative reading and intercepting of Quentin and Danny.

Barely, as is their wont, finally got some moves going with Andy and Mani linking up well down the left, and Tom making his habitual bursts down the right. But the final product wasn't there, and Barely were reduced to speculative efforts that the Hill Farm keeper was equal to - Jim's long-range chip being pushed over the crossbar and Ioan's overhead effort producing the same result. Barely couldn't capitalise on the corners. The closest they came to a goal was when a mis-hit ball bobbled between the legs of a defender and found it's way to Nick's feet, one on one with the keeper. As surprised as anyone, Nick still managed to get a shot away, but the keeper saved. At the other end Hill Farm carved out a couple of openings but had the same lack of killer instinct as Barely. The most dramatic moment of the first half came when an unfortunate Hill Farm player twisted his knee and had to hobble off.

At half-time Jim rang the changes in an effort to shake the team out of it's lethargy - a plan of ambition and optimism, almost akin to tipping someone out of their wheelchair in the hope they'll walk again. Nick took to the sticks and Steve took his place up front alongside Dan, who replaced Ioan, whilst Mani took a turn on the bench for Rich Sloper. Sam and Tom also agreed to rotate full-back and right wing duties, which played out it's own sub-plot later on. Everyone agreed that Barely should win this game, the opposition weren't much cop, and in the opposite camp no doubt an identical conversation was taking place.

Hill Farm started the second half on top and Barely couldn't get going. But Hill Farm's long ball game was meat and drink to Quentin and Danny, who can read the game with a casualness that others read cereal boxes over breakfast. But at the other end it still wasn't happening, and Barely had to rely on Nick's safe handling more than once as Hill Farm began taking pot shots when they found the space. The game looked destined for a scrappy draw.

Then with ten minutes left, possibly in a covert bid to be relieved the full-back role, Sam swung a tired leg at a free-kick in his own half and promptly gave the ball away. Two quick passes later and the ball was goal-bound. Danny's despairing foot slowed it, Nick pushed it along the line, but Hill Farm were there to boot it over. Game over.

Or was it? Steve had other ideas, and he wasn't about to be distracted from them by Bob's offer of taking his place for the last ten minute - eyewitnesses said afterwards his meaty fist narrowly missed Bob's chin. With five minutes to go, Tom set Steve away down the right. Steve pounded his way into the box and swept in a low ball for Mani (back on for Jim) to clip past the keeper at the far post. 1-1, and Barely finally moved up into third gear. Could they snatch a dramatic winner? Cue Steve: again darting down the right, another low ball at speed, and this time Pinnell Junior was there at the near post to sidefoot in for the latest of late winners. There was some initial debate about whether Pinnell Senior was offside, but Jim vouched for him being level with the man on the far side of the pitch. They don't call him 'honest Jim' for nothing and Barely could celebrate with clean conscience when Bob blew for full-time.

To put the tub-thumping to one side, neither side really deserved to win this game as neither really produced a vintage performance, though both had their moments. But Barely will take the points nonetheless, and Steve Pinnell took the man of the match award for his dramatic late impact. Next game, however, they will hope the fatigue that gripped them against Hill Farm will be absent, as a similar performace would probably see them trounced by Nailsea Old Boys. Let's hope that they get more than three days rest between now and then.

Barely comeback eclipses Red Star

2007-04-22T13:20:00.000Z

Barely Athletic 3 Red Star Bedminster 2

Goal: Steve

Defence: Andy, Tom, Danny, Sam

Midfield: Ritchie, Jim, Rich, Jeff

Attack: Manrouf, Nick

Subs: Ioan, Jerry.

Barely recovered from a dreadful start to this game to come back from a two goal defecit and claim the win. On a warm and slightly sticky day the backbone of the squad turned up ready to roll, but unfortunately the liver of the squad wasn't fully functioning after the previous night's escapades saw the gang dehydrate themselves en masse, with Ioan in particular looking slightly shaken, and Jerry, a man who looks underwhelmed by life at the best of times, failing to make the kick off. In his stead came old boy Jeff who began on the right wing.

Despite a tidy first five minutes Barely were making no headway in the opposition half, and slowly Red Star began to make their pressure tell. With fifteen minutes gone the ball was sent pinging around Barely's box and fell kindly to an attacker, who made no mistake in putting Red Star deservedly ahead. To add injury to insult, Steve managed to tweak his back but bravely played on. He was to regret that decision shortly, as Barely failed to get any momentum and Red Star kept them boxed in their own half for lengthy periods. They extended their lead when a quick break down the left saw Red Star's nippy winger cut inside Sam and beat Steve with a deft chip from the edge of the box. Two-nil down, and Barely could have no complaints.

However Red Star were unable to sustain the pace they had set indefinitely, and having performed indifferently for half an hour, Barely suddenly found a bit of form and starting chasing the game. They were galvanised by Andy Lillford's latest goal, a trademark hotshot from the edge of the area that found it's way into the net via a deflection. Only a goal behind, Barely sensed a game, and Manrouf began pulling the defence this way and that as Barely looked for a way through. They began creating chances but could not quite manage to convert them - not that is, until Tom picked up a ball on the left from a corner and drilled it goalwards. Red Star's keeper blocked the shot but Nick had gambled on the loose ball and side-footed in, opening his account for the season and sending Barely into the break on level terms.

At half-time Jerry came on for Jeff, who'd had a stirling 45 minutes winning countless headers, though estimates put the figure at around nine. And Barely began the second half where they ended the first, pressing Red Star and searching for goals. Red Star in turn looked to score on the break and Barely's back line had to be alert, which, relatively, they were. But most of the action was at the other end as Barely battered Red Star's penalty box - and Red Star held out. Mani headed a yard wide. Rich's near-post effort was turned away for a corner. Ritchie's cross-shot cannoned off the woodwork. It seemed like a draw was in the offing. Then with quarter of an hour to go Sam launched a free kick into the box, and the keeper came to gather but found the ball bounced off his chest - and Tom was on hand to slot in his third goal of the season. Certainly an element of luck to the goal - but Barely felt their second-half performance merited the lead.

Red Star had one or two moments as they tried to get back in the game - aided by an obviously bored Jerry - but by and large Barely held sway until the final whistle, with Ioan coming on for the last twenty minutes and firing narrowly wide. Red Star can count themselves unfortunate to be on the receiving end after bossing the first half hour so comprehensively, but in fairness Barely's recovery should be saluted, not least Mani who took the man-of-the-match accolade when the votes were counted, a classy display of line-leading, link-up play along with his patented header-that-goes-just-wide.

Now they have to do it all again (apart from letting two early goals in) on Wednesday against Hill Farm.

Monday make a bleak Wednesday for Barely

2007-04-05T09:07:00.000Z

Easton Monday 2 Barely Athletic 1

Goal: Steve Pinnell

Defence: Ioan Williams, Tom Pinnell, Quentin Alsop, Sam Morrison

Midfield: Ritchie Cormack, Jim Fry, Rich Jackson, Nick Ambler

Forward: Manrouf Chanfi, Martin Remmers

No subs.

Barely can look back on this game and feel reasonably proud. It was, age gags aside, by no means vintage but against an obdurate and well-organised Easton they, for the most part, held their own. But the game started off in farcical fashion when Easton managed to smack home a goal before Barely had limbered up, which they prefer to do once the game starts to save energy. Cutting a swathe down the middle, Easton caused chaos in the Barely box before an attacker volleyed home from a narrow angle.

Against a team who battered Barely 5-0 last season, this wasn't the greatest omen. And sure enough, like vultures sensing the imminent demise of a footballer crawling across the desert, Easton continued to circle as Barely tried - and failed - to attack on the break. Twenty minutes in, it had been pretty much all Easton and Barely could only hope that as they swayed against the ropes taking body blows (this is a boxing analogy now, forget the vultures) they could find and opening and hit someone in the face (metaphorically, obviously) when the chance arose.

In the first half no such chance did, but after weathering that prolonged storm Barely started finding some inroads and began testing the Easton defence a little bit more, forcing a few corners and sprinkling some barnstorming breaks from deep by the impressive Tom and Quentin. One such foray from the latter forced a free kick some 25 yards out, and Sam, demonstrating an impressive speed of thought, quickly blasted it high and wide. After an earlier corner that he curled into touch, it wasn't the day to resuscitate a dead ball for the marauding right-back. But Barely took heart that after such a gruesome half they were only a goal behind and, possession-wise, back in the game.

Such optimism was shortly consigned to the dustbin of nostalgia though, when Barely replicated their sluggish start to the first half by conceding a second shortly after the break. Allayed to Ritchie's calf-strain and an absence of subs (the voluble Lee Douglas and less-voluble but still-there Rich Sloper aside, who were attendant but injured) this meant things looked a little bleak for Barely in terms of an Ali-style comeback.

But to be fair Barely carved out some chances. A decent move ended with a powerful Manrouf header flying narrowly wide, and the Gallic speedster, who caused concern with his direct running all afternoon, will be disappointed not to have connected better with a sidefooted effort shortly afterwards. Sam felt he might have had a penalty after he was "cynically chopped down" - his words - in the box, but no-one else appealed.

However Easton shaded the action, with the Barely defence the busier of the two outfits and Quentin and Tom in particular called upon frequently to stifle attacks before they bore fruit. When Easton did break through, they were denied by the safe hands of Steve, who even threw himself into a post at one point, such was his dedication to the cause. And Barely finally got a reward for their efforts when Jim slalomed © his way through midfield, exchanged a one-two with Ritchie and walloped the ball into the net. "It only goes in when I close my eyes" he confided later, presumably talking about the goal.

Barely had renewed hope, but renewed energy, alas, was beyond them, and as the sun disappeared behind the trees and the players shuffled about in the gloaming Bob Lynn sensibly called time on proceedings. Despite the result, an enjoyable game for Barely and a decent performance from which they can glean several positives. Once again the centre-back pairing were impressive and Rich Jackson offered a composed head in midfield amidst the blood and thunder, with some tidy passing. But if Barely could start each half at full-speed they might be looking at a draw in these types of games. That said, Easton were worthy winners and Barely look forward to crossing swords (or sparring) (or crawling across the desert in search of water) with them again.

Doctor called in after Mr Gyde claims another Victim!

2007-03-28T09:59:00.000Z

Whilst the season trundles on in search of a game like an old woman looking for tinned peaches in a newly-refurbished Waitrose, lurching from aisle to aisle in search of something that remains seemingly unobtainable and possibly no longer stocked anyway, your Barely scribes sit in the office flicking pencils at each other, picking lint from their navels and occasionally making funny sounds with a plastic ruler, desperate for some drama that'll fill those column inches.

Thankfully Jerry Gyde stepped up to the plate last week with some spectacular and nausea-inducing knee-mangling of the unfortunate Lee Douglas. Despite Douglas' insistence that any contact was incidental in the predictable closing-of-ranks that footballers always practise on such occasions, Jerry Gyde's autobiography "It's easy when you're me" (launched on Saturday) spoke otherwise:

"I saw Douglas going up for the header. Bang! I let him have it, going for him in mid-air with the old stud-rake and then using my elbow on his knee to break the fall. No-one tells me to drop deep and defend." Despite Gyde's ghost-writer claiming it was all a misunderstanding, Jerry himself refused to denounce the paragraph in question, sending booksellers all over Bristol scurrying to the bargain bins to drag the book in question back on to the shelves in anticipation of a media frenzy.

Last night Barely co-manager Jim Fry remained diplomatic: "I'm sure Jerry regrets any contact - and any contact there was was unintentional. These things tend to be a storm in a teacup and the fact Lee has to wear a leg brace for six weeks is really nothing more than a private joke between the two men". Fry's grasp of physiology and humour aside, the press will be waiting in packs for the drama to unfold on Douglas' return. Until that happens, however, the staff writers here will be playing a lot more online Boggle and leaving wet teabags on each others chairs.

Hats off to Hird

2007-03-12T12:10:00.000Z

Russell Athletic 1 Barely Athletic 8

Goal: Lee Douglas

Defence: Andy Lillford, Quentin Alsop, Tom Pinnel, Sam Morrison

Midfield: Rich Cormack, Jim Fry, Rich Sloper, Rich Jackson

Attack: Mani Chanfi, Dan Hird

Ref/Sub: Bob Lynn

Sometimes in the Premiership, managers take advantage of a week off to take their players somewhere hot to sunbathe, relax, bond, and possibly have a fire extinguisher fight and get into trouble with the local constabulary. Barely grasped this idea by the horns, ran with it and, aided by the preciousness of Bristol groundsmen, took to the field four months to the day since their last outing. In the interim they had seen a few birthdays, a curry night, the results of Pop Idol and Celebrity Big Brother, and another Christmas go by. The world had changed.

The tactic worked wonders as the team meshed two debutants, Dan Hird and Rich Jackson, with returning libero Quentin Alsop and relatively-new-boy Rich Sloper to maximum effect.

Both teams were both keen to avoid the notoriety of most-postponed-game in history and agreed to play on Astroturf as a result, though the day was actually dry, giving rise to the meteorological term of ‘ironic weather’. From the off it looked as though the pitch suited Barely, and the freedom they were granted in midfield saw them boss the opening half comprehensively. There was such a flurry of activity that this correspondent’s head begins to hurt at the thought of laying it all out chronologically, but to sum up: Two goals from Dan, whose ability to hold the ball up was as exemplary as his finishing, one own goal scored off Rich Sloper’s cross, one that the keeper, under pressure from Sloper, punched into his own net from Sam’s corner (the dubious goals committee (Rich Jackson) awarded this to Sam in the post-game analysis) and one thumped shot from a tight angle after a Cormack/Morrison build up from another corner - by the ubiquitous Sloper, who seemed to be involved in some way in almost every goal.

At the other end a gushing mention should go out to the partnership of Tom and Quentin at centre-backs, making the loss of Phil and Danny less of a problem than it might have been. A petition must be started immediately for Quentin’s permanent return. Andy Lillford was his usual industrious self, attacking down the left at every opportunity.

In the sticks Lee had little to do and busied himself with a running commentary throughout the game, breaking off only to roll the ball to an attacker early in the first half and catch the resulting shot. So out of breath was he at the break that he volunteered to stay in goal for the second half, where the Lenny Bruce-as-goalkeeper show continued unabated.

As one might expect, Russell regrouped during the break and put on a better showing in the second half, shutting up shop at the back and forcing a goal of their own when Barely managed to lose the ball in a silly position from a goal-kick. Though referee Jim (with Bob now in thunderous-striker mode) blew for a free-kick when Lee’s ball didn’t leave the area, he rightly allowed the evident advantage - and Russell took it.

But this mishap was negated by two cracking moves sweeping the length of the pitch that were finished with aplomb by Tom (woefully out of position by the way) and Bob, who cracked scorchers past the home ‘keeper. Dan Hird topped a debut to remember by forcing the ball over the line with the last kick of the game after Bob’s header had been initially blocked on the line.

It was a tough call for man of the match with so many players having a good day at the office but Dan Hird deservedly shaded it for his dream debut when the vote was cast. Can Barely keep this standard up? If so it’s not impossible they have a shot at finishing in first place. However, a pivotal factor in the championship is playing all your games. At this rate Barely might just squeeze in one more before next season.

A word should go out to the Russell players, who refused to disintegrate into tantrums and showed Barely how to accept a horrid scoreline graciously when their turn inevitably comes.

BARELY BOUNCE BACK FROM REUNION DEBACLE

2006-12-11T11:21:00.000Z

AXA 3 Barely Athletic 5

LINE UP: Steve in goal, back four of Andy, Danny, Phil and Sam, Midfield of Rich, Jim, Rich and Ioan, Mani and Nick upfront.

Rolling subs from: Tom, Jerry and Lee.

With the league two games old, Barely had a W1 D0 L1 record so this game really felt like it might be a defining moment for the team in orangey-yellow and black stripes. Would they fall away as against Reunion? Or hammer out a couple of points as they had done against whoever it was they won against?

Whatever happened it looked as if the breeze would play a part as it gusted across the pitch, making the players look stoic and interlocked with destiny. Rich Cormack (grey eyes, heroic, windswept) picked his namesake Rich Sloper (blue eyes, rugged, wistful) in midfield to give it a bit of aggression as the team vowed to win for Rich Batten (blue eyes, broken arm). Rich Jackson was disappointingly nowhere to be seen, steering this particular paragraph up a narrative cul-de-sac.

The game started in brisk fashion as the AXA forwards tested the pace of Danny and Phil at the back, turning sharply on passes into their feet. As ever, they found Barely's established centre-backs no slouches and Barely held firm. More than that, they were launching rapid counter-attacks, particularly down the left where Rich (Cormack, etc) and Andy Lilford were establishing an understanding that belied the embryonic nature of their relationship. Sure enough it was Andy who wellied a ball into the back of a net from the edge of the box to give Barely the lead, and make everyone reappraise exactly what the left-back role can be.

Shortly afterwards Barely were pressurizing again and after a couple of efforts were blocked, the loose ball fell to Lilford who duly dispatched it into the goal for his second.

However a team is traditionally vulnerable after scoring, and having scored twice in succession Barely seemed twice as vulnerable as AXA did exactly the same, bringing the scores level at 2-2 as Barely suddenly looked porous at the back. In the midst of this madness both Rich Sloper and Nick had pulled their calf muscles and been replaced by Lee and Tom, and it was the latter who finished sublimely from an angle to put Barely back in front. Either shortly before or after that Jim added another cracker from outside the box and Barely found themselves 4-2 up. The game then swung this way and that like an indecisive bisexual trying to commit to a long term relationship, before half-time came and Barely realized they faced not only AXA in the second period, but also the wind.

Despite some shaky defending early on Barely held firm, the back four relishing the challenge AXA were presenting. Sam in particular was relishing it so much he decided to give the ball away as often as possible just to see if he could get it back. But when AXA did break through Steve's positioning and sticky gloves meant all their reward was a display of catching from Barely's keeper. In an attacking sense Barely were unsurprisingly less demonstrative in the second half but they still had their moments. The best of them came when Jerry (on for Ioan at half-time) jinked his way past the left-back and was brought down in the area. There was little protest from AXA when the ref pointed to the spot, and penalty-expert Jerry generously handed over duties to penalty-amateur Andy (last effort seen heading over Catbrain) to see if he could claim a hat-trick.

With Barely's lead only one goal was this a luxury they couldn't afford?

No - Andy duly thumped it past the keeper to claim a hat-trick from left back and ultimately stage a coup of the man-of-the-match award, the voting for which was bypassed in favour of some jealous taunting. But before that happened Barely saw out the game with nary a flutter, their two-goal lead taking the wind out of AXA's sails somewhat. So, despite the patchy nature of the game, a good day at the office for Barely and some cracking goals as well.

Barely 2 Reunion 5

2006-12-08T10:48:00.001Z

Barely Line Up:

In goal: Steve

Back four: Rich, Phil, Danny, Andy

Midfield: Jerry, Sam, Jim, Rich

Attack: Mani and Nick

Rolling subs from: Dave, Lee, and Ioan.

After a few days of torrential rain the sun was shining on Bristol as the match kicked off, in much the same way it probably shone on Rome as it burned. As one might expect, the champions took the game to Barely in the opening stages. They had some well-rehearsed wing play and the flanks were where they stationed their most mobile players, so Barely's full-backs were being sorely tested. They held up.

Gaining confidence from the defence, Barely started making some inroads in attack as sweeping moves crossed the midfield and ended with Jerry or Rich (smouldering grey eyes), or just as often the swashbuckling Andy and Rich (deep blue eyes), knocking crosses into the box. But Reunion held firm - at least until a low square ball was swept home by Mani to give Barely an unlikely lead.

And having taken the lead it was suddenly Barely playing like champions as they mopped up Reunion attacks and broke into the opposition half in numbers - low numbers, admittedly, but when they include the unstoppable piston-legs of Rich (grey eyes) the long-distance engine of Andy and the I-can-knock-it-just-past-the-woodwork-from-anywhere accuracy of Mani and Nick, Reunion knew they were playing with fire. And shortly after Barely's opener they burnt their fingers and went running to mummy after conceding a second, when Rich's (blue eyes) cross was fumbled by the keeper into his own net. "The sun played a part" Rich admitted later, "But me and the sun are old mates" he added.

However Barely's delight faded quickly when Phil - hitherto the impenetrable fortress of throw-in concession - decided to vary his game with a back-pass that was marginally underhit. Steve's goalkeeping prowess was there for all to see as he smothered the ball, but it broke loose for the attacker to knock it home and make the score 2-1. And that goal was enough for Runion to raise their game and put Barely under the cosh until half-time.

Unfortunately the less said about the second half the better. Despite the introduction of Barely's own Roy Keane in Dave Williams, Barely seemed to lack fire in the second half and Reunion sensed opportunity. After a few minutes of shadowboxing they moved in for a quick one-two and twatted Barely into the floor, grabbing a 3-2 initiative even though Barely, at this point, were creating chances.

Rich (grey eyes) acted swiftly, shuffling his pack and bringing on Lee and returning Sam to the fray (perhaps deciding against returning Jim to the field whilst his pallor remained somewhat ashen.) Unfortunately neither had the impact they would have liked - watching from the left as Reunion strode through the midfield to add two more goals to the gloom before the death - which was exactly what it felt like.

As mentioned in previous posts this defeat smarted, but it must be said Union in general seemed a decent side. They just had the bad form to score 5 goals.

* * *

* The blue and grey eyes references are due to a lack of surname info, not some romantic yearning on my part. At least not now I realise Rich Cormack's eye's aren't the chocolatey brown that really floats my boat.

BARELY OFF TO A FLYER

2006-12-08T10:47:00.002Z

Barely 3 Westbury Wanderers 1

BARELY SECURE 100% RECORD IN THE LEAGUE & 100% PENALTY RECORD (.....in the League!!!)

Well for those brave apostles who couldn't make the game and for this who did, here's a brief report.....

Time: 9.30 am. Place: in the car driving to the game. Huey and Louey consider the starting options and panic (very slightly) over the prospect of playing with only 10 men....
The news of having only 10 was received positively by the team, followed by some frenetic texting and phoning to round up extra players (to no avail). On person, who shall remain nameless, did however comment, "What a bloo*y shambles. Would never have happened in my day".

Anyway, 10.30 ish, game on. The 10 become 9. Big Lee eventually makes a start 10 mins into the game. Despite having only 10 players, Barely dominate play but concede a nicely slotted goal to Westbury Wanderers (who, despite being newly promoted, showed no nerves playing in the top flight of the Casuals League).
An early setback, but Barely continue to press and, following some neat link-up play, Lee looses his marker and slots in the equaliser from the edge of the box. All square.

The team are all playing well. Nick takes charge in goal and makes himself big (ooo er missus). Phil 'The Enforcer' and Danny 'You're not coming in if you're not on the list' shore up the defence in true a true Gandalf 'You Shall Not Pass' stylee. Andy and Sam, the full backs, have their opposing numbers in their pockets (even though their shorts have no pockets) and cause Westbury problems with pace and skill (there's just no substitute for these qualities in today's game). The Barely midfield dominated, with Lee adding his (not inconsiderable) physical presence and Jerry 'The Flyer' Gyde making some truly inspirational runs and crosses. Yes Ladies, fear not, he still has the magic! Up front, the lone striker, Marseille Mani harried the defence, showing them no mercy or chance to rest.

Barely were paying great football, using the width and creating chance after chance. Still difficult with 10 men though.......

Then, a miracle. Enter Big Tyrone - a journeyman player for AXA and Redland looking to settle a score with a player from PSST. As none of these teams were actually playing and, following a brief chat with Nick, he joined the apostles and settles his score with Westbury players instead. Kind of a case of 'if you can't kick the one you want, kick the one you're with'. Now with Tyrone, Lee and Phil in the site, Westbury could be forgiven for thinking that they were facing a rugby front row rather than footballers.

Half time 1:1

Second half and Barely continue to dazzle! Andy, breaking in from the left beats 2 or 3 (may even have been 4) and slots the ball home left of a flailing keeper. 2:1 for Barely. Then, 10 minutes from time, Rich makes a characteristic burst from midfield and is scythed down in the box. Clear penalty. But who will take it with so many players still psychologically scarred form the experience of the cup game? One man stepped forward, Jerry. He eyed the keeper and buried it top left. Keeper no chance. 3:1 to Barely. Full time.

Man of the Match - 3-way tie between Rich, Jerry and Andy. (Jerry and Andy then generously conceded the title to Rich).

All in all, a great game. Westbury Wanderers were honourable, competitive and played true to the Casuals ethos. Decent men and fine fellows! All Barely players had fine games. The main thing was though that all supported each other, with the only comment and shouts being positive and encouraging. That made a big difference (along with the result!) and, as a result, all enjoyed the game. Which is, after all, the whole point of playing. Top Barely spirit was shown with a victory carved against the odds.

BARELY'S CUP FALLETH OVER

2006-12-08T10:47:00.001Z

Opening game of season ends in fiasco after penalty panto.

BARELY 2 SWIFT FC 2
Swift FC win on penalties AET.

Line up: Has been lost in the mists of time. Considering the end to this game, that's no bad thing.

Barely's first game of the season was a cup tie and they took to the field speculating that perhaps their name was on the cup this year. Two hours later they were holding the wooden spoon, standing in the corner and facing the wall.

This report has been written retroactively so exact details are hazy and facts may be as wayward as a Barely penalty. But we do know that thanks to Rich Cormack and Jim Fry (from 30 yards according to Jim ) Barely surged into a 2-1 lead by half-time, although the team were under no illusions about how they were playing, which was mediocre at best. Dave Williams tried to grab the team by the scruff of the neck with a few choice verbals but unfortunately his well-intentioned 'stick and stick' approach didn't have the desired effect. Barely were clearly more of a 'carrot and backrub' team.

The second half was pretty much a rearguard action by Barely and they were grateful for Steve's heroics in goal when saved a penalty to keep the team in it at 2-2. Somehow they survived 30 minutes of extra time and, to the outrage of the groundsman, settled down for a penalty shootout to see who would go through to the next round.

Sam set the tone when Barely's first penalty was at what they call 'a decent height for the keeper' - ie about the length of his arms from his body. When Jim and Rich missed the goal entirely Swift had a 2-0 shootout lead and a penalty in hand. Up stepped man-of-the-match Steve to save three pennos in succession - whilst Jerry and Dave dragged Barely back into it with their spotkicks despatched with aplomb. But moving into sudden death at two-all, Barely laid on a display of such ineptitude that spectators turned away in embarrassment - Andy, Ioan, and someone else (Who? For some reason no-one is coming forward on this) all managed to smack the ball high over the bar whilst only Tom and Nick scored again for Barely.

That the shootout went as long as it did is entirely the responsibility of Steve, who kept prolonging the humilation by saving the Swift penalties. What he was playing at we'll never know.

By the time nine penalties had been missed of saved Swift FC staggered from the wreckage with a victory that they probably didn't boast about when they got home, but they nonetheless deserved. Barely were out of the cup at the first attempt, and would have to 'concentrate on the league'. As they say.

*

Any errors in this report are entirely trivial when you look at the bigger picture.

Player Profiles

2006-12-08T10:44:00.000Z

BARELY ATHLETIC PLAYER PROFILES

STEVE “ZANNUSSI” PINNELL
Position: Midfield / Forward
Age range 35-50

A technically brilliant goalkeeper. His great size belies his agility and cat-like reflexes. Stands up well with safe hands and he dominates his box. Unfortunately plays right wing.

IOAN ‘NOBBY’ WILLIAMS
Position: Forward / Right Back
Age range 35-50

A recent convert from attack to defence he brings all the strikers guile to showing opposing forwards the way to goal. Longstanding Chairman of the board who has survived numerous disinterested attempts to oust him.

QUENTIN “FORTESCUE” ALSOPP
Position: Midfield / Defence
Age range 35-50

Skilful, fast and occasionally furious. A player of great vision (despite the specs). Reads the game beautifully and organises those around him. An integral part of the team when his wife, Katherine, lets him play.

PHIL “THE ENFORCER” WALSH
Position: Defence
Age range 35-50

Carved from granite with pointy elbows and very big boots. Not renowned for his speed but gets there as quick as he can and makes an impression. Steadfast and resolute in defence.

JOHN ‘SUNSHINE’ OVERFIELD
Position: Goalkeeper
Age range 35-50

A popular member of the team, which has nothing to do with his willingness to go in goal. Frequently our last line of defence and occasionally our only line of defence, John's ballet like grace in goal belies his thuggish appearance.

NICK “STRIKER” AMBLER
Position: Utility
Age range 35-50

Winner for several years of ‘Most Extravagant Claim of the Season’ Award that of ‘I’m a goal a game man’. Happy playing up front even when selected at right back. Versatile utility player and team historian/statistician. True clubman.

MANROUF “THIERRY” CHANFI
Position: Midfield / Forward
Age range 35-50

One of our overseas mercenaries. Plays with typical Gallic commitment. If he can be arsed. Fleet of foot and gob. His tastes in world music much like his football talent - wide, patchy and decidedly odd with occasional flashes of class.

JERRY “THE GENERAL” GYDE
Position: Libero / Sweeper
Age range 35-50

Manager , strategist, tactician, motivator. A rapier amongst broadswords. Stylish with more than a hint of Continental flair and a rock solid sweeper. Or so he keeps telling us. He really does go on!

“BATTLING” BOB LYNNE
Position: Forward
Age range 35-50

A player of great skill and passion. A bit too much really. Likes to beat a player several times just to make sure. Enjoys conversations with both the opposition and the Ref. Back to full form now he’s had both knees replaced.

Fixtures 2006 / 2007

2006-12-08T10:43:00.000Z

Details of the 2006/7 fixtures:

Barely; A History

2006-12-08T10:40:00.000Z

Ioan Williams writes on the history of Barely Athletic FC: